Flabby Fallon Threatens to Nuke Hackers

In this morning’s 'War is Good & Profitable' expose edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to the Nasty Party's defence secretary, Michael 'Just Learning' Fallon - in a statement wholly backed by Tory Foreign Minister, Bonkers Boris al Pasha Attaturk Nonsense – issued while speaking with gutter press hacks from the Warmongers Gazette yesterday, announced for the public record that Broken Britain retains the option to carry out military strikes in response to cyber attacks.

While it manifests as a terrifying thought for the common herd to dwell upon - that the flabby Fallon – (a Nonceland-born Remainiac with zero military credentials - whose 'game theory' strategic experience lies with draughts and a Monopoly board - and full of his own 'divine importance' in the greater scheme of things) - later informed a Chatham House 'wank tank' gathering of New World Order Globalists that the UK had the ability to respond with extreme prejudice to attacks "from any domain - air, land, sea or cyber – and target them with a series of pre-emptive nuclear strikes delivered via the 'shelf life expired' UGM 133A Trident II missile system."

Fallon further emphasised the UK's covert ability to carry out cyber offensives of its own - using the US / Israeli Stuxnet virus – with his more at scent than substance bluster coming in the wake of Brussels-based hackers mounting what has been exaggeratingly described as a 'determined attack' on the House of Conmans last Friday.

Up to 650 e-mail accounts - with links to the Dark Net's 'Paedoville Paradise' child porno website - were compromised for blackmail material, although government sources said the attack was later contained - after some bright spark ex-Eton fag intern - with a sordid secret to hide - had the self-preservation survival sense to get their slack arse down into Westminster's Guy Fawkes Catacombs and unplug Parliament's main ethernet cable.

Multi-national corporations across the UK, including several of Britain's biggest companies - Poundland, Domino's Pizza and High Street bookies, Flatbrokes - were reported being struck by a major ransomware cyber-offensive – believed to have been ordered by Brussels EUSSR 'Round Table of 50' corporatocracy mandarins in retaliation for Brexit 'negotiations' (sic) going full steam ahead.

In May this year NHS services across England and Scotland were hit by a large-scale cyber-attack that screwed up hospital and GP surgery activities even more so than the wholly inept Tory Health Minister, Jeremy 'Privatisation' Kunt's calculated and deliberate acts of gross mismanagement.

Commenting on the Westminster cyber offensive, Fallon reported "Last Friday we saw Broken Britain hit by yet another internet blitzkrieg, this time directed against the House of Conmans and Upper House of Frauds IT systems.
Investigations discovered the hackers were attempting to carry out a sustained and determined attack on Lords and MP user accounts in a criminal endeavour to access links to their tax-dodge offshore bank accounts, drug suppliers and child porno website memberships."

Following in the wake of Friday's cyber- blitz, Fallon has also been forced to deny the Royal Navy's most powerful warship is vulnerable to hackers after 'shitting kittens' alarm bells went off regarding outdated software.

The all-new pride and joy of British naval sea power, the HMS Queen Elizabeth aircraft carrier, weighing in at a cumbersome 65,000-tonnes, the largest blunder of a warship ever built for the Senior Service Bumboys Club – was recently described by Rear Admiral Dinsdale Figg-Newton as being 'very, very big' – with enough clear deck space to host a foxhunt.

Conversely, according to one article in this week's Spendthrift's Review, the 280-metre Queen Elizabeth - which has cost the hapless taxpayers a gob-smacking £3:5 billion quid to date - has key control room computer systems operating on the 'hacker friendly' Windows XP software programme - (copyright 1985 to 2001) - an outdated system Microslop themselves no longer run security updates for.

In response Fallon opined to scoffing media hacks: "Perhaps the XP security system itself does have more holes in it than a Swiss cheese, but it's the safeguards that surrounds it which count – and I want to reassure you HMS Queen Elizabeth – just like the old bag herself in Fuckingham Palace – that the security protocols and the computer system are adequately protected - by a pack of rabid corgis."

Troubling thought for the day:
Defence Secretary Michael 'Just Learning' Fallon – a drunk driving, expenses-fiddling, dog wanker Remainiac, who has his high moral ground mind set on the greater good of pre-emptive nuclear strikes and is eager to claim a War Criminal Club t-shirt – just like New Labour's Tony ' Miranda' Bliar and Geoff 'The Loon' Hoon - has committed Broken Britain to backing future military action in Syria in retaliation for any use of chemical weapons by President Basher al-Assad – real or false flag initiated.

Fallon told BBC Radio 4's Bullshit Hour programme: "As always in war, aggressive military action must be media justified – even if illegal - as per the invasion of Iraq and the 59 Tomahawk cruise missile strike on Syria's Shitarat airfield in April - and all necessary to forward the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion agenda in achieving their Greater Israel objectives – from the brook of the Nile to the Eurphrates."

"Hence my personal compliant support for further pre-emptive bombings and cruise missile attacks on the Syrian Army by US President Donald Chump – acting on orders from Tel Aviv and the Rothshite crime syndicate's placemen, HR McMasters and Mad Dog Mattis - would be unwavering."

Fallon's Kosher Nostra lickspittle commitment comes after the White House issued a statement that 'intelligence sources' (sic) had viewed convincing propaganda evidence in this week's Beano that Assad's military forces are preparing for further chemical weapon attacks on US / Israeli backed Jolly Jihadist rebel forces.

Hmmm, the flabby Fallon's better suited to running a nursery than in charge of Broken Britain's defences – especially when he agrees with each and every illegal, aggressive move the US and Israeli military machines make.

Carbon Credits Cap & Trade Offset Exchange (aka Global Warming / Climate Change Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration:
While a hefty score of conscience-stifled rabid royals, noncing nobles, political ponces, perjurious Oxford college principals, bent money-laundering Glassie lawyers and corruption-ridden porky plods might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' casualties and thrown into paranoid psychosis states of scandalous exposure anxiety attacks, no innocent non-combatant women and kids - and especially so Muslim migrant refugee 'Junior Jihadi' sprogs – or trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry 'felcher friendly' sized mammals – ferrets and stoats, voles, moles, white mice, bum rats, chinchillas, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, miniature coypus, dwarf beavers, etcetera, et al – were harmed in posting this insurrectionist Truthsayer epistle.

Conversely, a large number of the NSA - GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / Evident / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / JTRIG / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced by our act of disrespect for political correctness.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness. An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist ZioNazi Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU(Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).