War Crimes Willy aka Hypocrisy Hague

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a statement to gutter press hacks last Thursday that came across as more at gross hypocrisy than paradox, the Nasty Party’s closet case Foreign Secretary William ‘Fudge’ Vague, issued a self-proclaimed commitment to smoke out war criminals, bring them to account and support the International Criminal Court in its investigations to track down octogenarian Hitler-heiling Nazis in Paraguay.

Standing on an orange box behind the podium to disguise his short-arsed condition, Vague went into the usual politico’s ego-massaging mode and pontificated for the public record, in his customary Messianic Yorkshire dialect, that “If you commit war crimes, crimes against humanity, ethnic cleansing or genocide you will not be able to rest easily in your bed” – conspicuously failing to make any reference to the likes of Tony Bliar or George Dubya Bush or his psycho-racist Israeli PM pal Bobo Nuttyahoo – personally responsible for a legion of human rights violations visited on the hapless heads of the marginalised and disaffected goyim Palestinian population of – er – Israel (formerly Palestine).

To canny critics from Scumbag-Watch possessed of a quick intellect this was yet another of Willy’s dizzying twists of logic – for he is a composite 3D contradiction whichever way the twat is viewed – over, under, sideways, down.
One minute he’s sanitising Israeli war crim’s and watering down British laws of Universal Jurisdiction to give the likes of the spank-eyed ex-Foreign Sec’ Tipsy Livid safe haven if she wanted to pop across to London for a spot of shopping. The next Willy’s up and pushing for the armed invasions of Libya (yep, that fucked up Balkanised mess of civil war carnage that NATO left in their wake) and the same for Syria – and/or arming the fractious rebel terrorist groups.

Conversely, the previous week he announced that British politicos and the ranking military responsible for the Abu Ghraib Prison torture crimes – and blasting the fuck out of Fallujah with depleted uranium and DIME munitions, cluster bombs, chemical weapons, napalm, willy-pete and neutron micro-nuke artillery shells - killing every fucker old enough to bleed and contaminating the environment with teratogenic insta-tumour toxins that keep mutilating for generations to come - are beyond reproach where war crimes in Iraqi or Afghanistan or Libya are concerned.

So do we deduce from this that Willy’s a bit of a mixed up tosspot? Dead right, but by that same rule he’s an embedded pro-ZioNazi Tory Party Friends of Israel Club stooge and propagandist marked by utter Hypocrisy – spelled with a large capital H.

To wit, is due process going to apply with Vague’s war crim’s shit list and the formation of a Nuremberg Two Tribunal – or will it be another round of pass the bullshit and extra-judicial drone strikes and Squeal Team Six assassination hits on the perceived enemies of the Great Satan and multinational corporation arms industry – business as usual?

The answer to that poser lies in the fact Vague and his boss Posh Dave Scameron have just okayed an ‘extreme prejudice’ snuff job / drone strikes against the security service / UK gutter press’s fantasy invention Al Shagbag Islamic terrorist leader – the notoriously elusive (due the simple fact she doesn’t fucking exist) Samantha Deadweight – better known by her media-enhanced Jolly Jihad nom de guerre of ‘Hijab Sammy’ - who in her stand alone capacity as a hard-faced Irish bitch, threatens to bring Western civilisation to its knees – much as her gang of head-bangers did on a micro-scale with Nairobi’s Westgate shopping mall last September.

Rumour, more so than actual hum-int or el-int data, claims the White Widow operates from a secret base behind a sand dune in the Somali desert wastelands where she and her four ‘home-schooled’ sprogs survive on a diet of raw cactus, scorpions and camel piss - and mourns in silent rage for her deceased Yardie husband Germaine Lindsey – the MI5 double-crossed 7/7 London Tube bomber who was part of the Mohammed al Patsy backpack bomb squad who blew up fuck all and were double-tapped by an intelligence service hit squad at Canary Wharf on 7/7/2005 after the entire incompetent Al-Ka-Boom suicide crew contingent missed their train connections - then eventually woke up and cottoned on to the fact this wasn’t actually a Visor Consultants ‘drill’ they’d been recruited to be a part of – and were about to get their names in the Guinness Book of World Records ‘posthumous pages’ as the biggest set of knobheads since Shithead and Beavis – or the Three Stooges.

There we go, that’s War Crimes Willy for you. Best of mates with his Israeli ex-bouncer thug counterpart, Avignor Leiberscumm and anti-BDS campaign Zionist slut Scarlett Johansson – posing for tabloid press piccies alongside the blonde slapper last week with a bottle of Shifty Shylock Scumberg’s aspartame-loaded SodaStream ‘Kikester Brew’ flavour soft drinks in his hand.

History gives short shrift to political has-beens and career failures like Vague – who is best remembered with caution around his Rotherham home town for a penchant of going off on long walks across the moors and return smelling of wet sheep.
Luckily Vague is the last of his line - no children - which is hardly surprising when he’s given to bonking his terminally-stricken ‘blonde moments’ missus, the porky Welsh Ffion up the arse doggy style while whispering ‘sweet Christophers’ into her ear.

(For the record and Operation Yewtree’s nosy parkers – Vague’s toyboy Christopher Myers, regardless of the scandal-mongering rumours and innuendo circulating Westminster and Fleet Street, to the contrary is over 16 years of age).

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Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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