Scots Carping Stalls Foxhunting Repeal

In today’s ‘Needless Blood n Gore’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Mr McTod on the editorial desk at Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with hot-off-the-anvil dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A Tory promoted vote to repeal the 2004 Hunting Act planned for Wednesday has been postponed indefinitely after Nicola 'Crankie' Sturgeon, the Scottish Nonce Party leader and incumbent First Minister (the second to be called after a fish) accused Posh Dave Scameron's Nasty Party government of high-handed arrogance and stated for the public record that she would oppose any move to revoke the bill – a scheme designed to accommodate the twisted blood sport cravings of the moneyed special interests lobbyists that control the Tory Party machine.

In response Cabbage Patch Dave had this to say to media hacks: "Sturgeon's latest dummy-spitting, churlish display of menopausal mood swing lunacy seems to be de rigueur where Nonceland hypocrisy is concerned - which ever fish is running (sic) the show – a Porky Pict Salmond or a Crankie Sturgeon – kick up hell viz Westminster interference into Scottish affairs and cry out for total independence, then resort to utter pettiness and meddle in the affairs of England."

Hence this vindictive volte-face has put the kibosh on Scameron railroading the Hunting Act's repeal through the House of Conmans on Wednesday – with the announcement sparking a celebratory round of whines, yelps, grows and barks of approval from the Opposition back benches – and publicly applauded by Sir Basil Brush, Urban Vermin Party MP for Norfolk's Vixen's Crotch constituency.

Sir Basil, speaking to one gutter press hack from the Rat Catchers Gazette, opined that "Sturgeon's sophistry apart, she's really pissed all over Scameron's foxhunting repeal bonfire – and as she confided to me earlier today ... 'We'll piss all over his Tory barbeques and garden parties until the tosspot Sassenach okays our independence and gives back the Scone Stone'...."

"I mean to say, how would Scameron like a pack of hounds snapping at his flabby Tory arse? He's only out to have the fox hunting ban repealed to accommodate the blood sport thirsts of his rich and shameless Nasty Party donors – especially so now that Broken Britain's national Plod Squad's investigations into the time-honoured nobility / establishment Masonic pastime of gang rape pederasty and ritual blood sacrifices has made it nigh impossible to snatch a few kiddies for a weekend's 'sport' at Dolphin Square or the Elm Guest House – or even risk chasing the naked little blighters through the woods on Barnes Common to bugger them to death."

For the uninitiated, Broken Britain's Parliamentary Hunting Act of 2004 bans the pursuit and slaughter of wild animals – notably foxes, radical ISIS jihadists, menopausal harridans, lesser spotted aardvarks and voyeurs caught gorping at the al fresco ménage à trois clusterfuck antics in any local Doggers Wood.

The Act does not cover the use of dogs in the process of flushing out an unidentified wild mammal – such as a hibernating tramp - nor does it affect 'drag hunting' - where hounds are trained to follow an artificial scent left by transvestites. This has, in recent years, been expanded to include homeless persons, welfare benefit scroungers, pikey poachers, Albanian swan roasters – and thieving gyppo types in general.

While the pursuit of both fox and peasant with rabid baying hounds, other than to flush them out to be shot, was banned in Scotland two years earlier by the Protection of Wild Mammals Act 2002, there will be zero surprises that such venery remains legal in Northern Ireland - to cater to the blood lust perversions of the barbarian Protestants running the place – as too are the Orange Party-sponsored 'Hunt-a-Papist' forays in which hapless Catholics are plied with strong grog and drugs, then pursued across the length and breadth of Ulster, to be eventually cornered, pole axed and skinned to end up as Guinness pot coasters.

Thought for the day. So the Nasty Party Tories want the foxhunting ban overturned. Now here's the clincher – will any foxes get to vote on the issue?

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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