Sir Philip Greed Fires Parliament

In today’s ‘Enhanced Avarice’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering gossip from Mollie McSkanger manning the mobile news desk's cellphone hotline from a tent in Parliament Square for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial and work to see the debt trap Crapitalist culture trodden underfoot - and the inbred Illuminati oligarch bankster scum nailed - like St Peter before them - upside-down on a big piece of wood.

Egoistic robber baron and tax dodger extraordinaire, Sir Philip Greed – a top dog member of the Khazarian Chosen People Club – obviously deluded by a narcissistic belief of his personal, exalted importance in the greater scheme of things (more full of shit than a Christmas goose) has demanded that Broken Britain's House of Conmans remove any and all members of the Work & Pensions Committee that keep asking awkward questions regarding Greed's plunder of the BHS pension fund to finance the ego-boosting, uber-extravagant purchase of his latest acquisition – a ex-US Navy nuclear aircraft carrier converted to serve as his personal private yacht – the Ostentation Waste III.

Knighted on the misguided recommendation of New Labour's paedo-protecting / war criminal Slime Minister Tony Bliar in 2006 Sir (not for much longer) Philip Nigel Ross Greed is a British businessman and chairman of the Arcadia Ripoffs Group - a High Street retail company that includes Knobshop, Dogman, Wallis & Gromit Cheese Slices, Evans, Burton, Miss Selfish, Dorothy Wankins, and Outshit.

The ill-mannered Greed, while being described by friends as an all-round tosspot scumbag, puts on a sham-scam philanthropist front while shafting every fucker and their dog – and is rightly derided and slandered by business opponents and his Arcadia employees alike as a rapacious capitalist carnivore – a shekel-grubbing velociraptor – and an avaricious dog wanker cast in the mould of Dickens' Fagin.

During what the common herd lucky enough to have jobs refer to as 'the working week' the triple-chinned Greed bases his fat slob porcine self at a London hotel, then flies off in his personal Gulfstream G550 gold plated jet to tax haven Monaco for weekends with his Arcadia owner wastrel wife, an equally avaricious, tax-dodging South African - 'Toxic Tina' Greed.

Bottle blonde vulgarian Toxic Tina, looking all of her 67 years regardless of facelifts and mega-Botox treatments – keeps her fat ass firmly ensconced in the postage stamp micro-state of Monaco – like some Black Widow spider - pulling the strings of control from the centre of her corporate web via the tax avoidance Jersey-registered Taveta Investments and its manifold subsidiaries – with assets that include 2,300 shops across the sprawl of Broken Britain; 92% of Arcadia Group; Sears 'Shoe Express' chain; 53% owner of Owen Owen Holdings; a big slice of the Mark One retailers – and a £23 zillion quid shareholding in Marks & Sparks – which the Greeds failed to gain sole ownership control of back in 2007.

Regardless of being branded, alike Lonhro's Tiny Rowland before him, as 'the unacceptable face of Crapitalism', the all-round rich and shameless Ashkenazi kikester, Greed – while surrounded by his close-in ex-Mossad security detail (who are double indemnity guaranteed to have no personal loss links to Greed's ripoff pension fund activities) - copped for a knighthood from New Labour in recognition for his 'generous' party donations and services to tax-dodging culture – plus his tireless pursuit of the hedonistic lifestyle of royals and nobility – so perfectly illustrated with Toxic Tina's gift on the occasion of his birthday - a one-off commissioned 24 carat gold and gemstone encrusted Monopoly board – all consisting of his own corporate acquisitions – sans BHS, of course – and a personalised, platinum Get Out of Jail Free key.

So while the habitually foul-mouthed Greed refuses to appear before Parliament's Works & Pensions Committee until Frank Field MP is removed from his Chair position and can hence no longer raise embarrassing (more at 'incriminating') questions as to why BHS was flogged off for a single £1 quid to a bankrupt buyer - and BHS goes into receivership with the pension pot left shy of some £450-plus million nicker (purchase price of new yacht Ostentatious Waste III) thanks to Greed's corrupt wheeler-dealer business practices - shadow chancellor John McDonnell MP referred to Greed as 'the epitome of scum on legs' and called for him to be stripped of his knighthood if he fails to attend the Committee session on Wednesday to answer MPs' questions – clarifying for moronic gutter press hacks that the move 'might' help restore public faith in the over-abused honours system.

Restore public faith? Is McDonnell taking the piss? Some fucking chance. While this might well represent a case where yet another 'ever so royal' knighthood (more at 'shitehood') has been abused and needs rescinding – we have the likes of Royal / Downing Street Insider, Court Jester and BBC celeb kiddie fiddling DJ (VIP Paedo Pimp - By Appointment) Jimmy So-Vile – and 'Sir' Cyril Smith – and a legion of other beknighted untouchable Very Important Paedo scum at the top of the ruling class pecking order of things – to reflect on and know that the system's bent and will never change.

For the public record, this high-rolling wastrel's absurd spendthrift excesses include blowing £4 zillion nicker on a bar mitzvah gig for son Brandon in 2005 - a three-day drug-snorting piss up for over 200 friends and family in the French Riviera with chief guest of honour, Tel Aviv's Chief Rabbi, Dr Shlomo Snipcock, to bless the event – and background music supplied live by the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra.

On the occasion of the bar-mitzvah of his alleged nonce-ponce nephew, Matt, he threw a mega-bucks bash at London's iconic Madame Tussaud's Museum, where shackled and naked X-Factor judges Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh were dripped with scalding hot candle wax by Chancellor Gideon Osborne's celeb' Dominatrix of choice – Ms Natalie Rowe and her 'Wicked Whipster Girls' ensemble.

Nephew Matt and brain damaged daughter Chloe shared a birthday party in December 2011, at the prestigious 'One Mayfair' mega-rich only address (gross sacrilege aside - formerly Grade 1 listed St Mark's Church) where Rihanna sang a medley of her best hits at £1 million quid per throw - while performing a striptease and sucking on a phallic-shaped butterscotch gob-stopper.

To mark his own 50th birthday, win friends and impress people, Greed flew 200 guests in a chartered Airbus A300 to the Freeloaders Hotel in Cyprus for a three-day toga party, where they were serenaded by former coal heaver 'Sir' Tom Jones and ex-Glassie busker 'Sir' Rod Stewart - who according to the Daily Shitraker, were reportedly paid £5 million quid each for a 45-minute set.

And in a squalid bid to cap his own record of profligate squandering of BHS pension pot funds for Greed's 55th birthday, he flew 100 guests 8,500 miles in two private jets from London to the exclusive Four Seasons: Landaagiraavaru resort – an overpriced eco-spa in the soon to be submerged Maldives.

While Greed and Toxic Tina issue invitations to other members of the rich and shameless clan - such as Duchess of Pork, Fergie and kiddie fidding ex-hubby Prince Andy Pandy - many of the 'prominent' (sic) Hollywood celeb' figures that are only too happy to accept a freebie piss up at the Greed's parties later comment to the media that they'd never heard of him.

Thought for the day. Arcadia's webshite might well sport a banner for 'Ethical Trading' – but this maxim obviously doesn't apply to the Taveta / Arcadia Third World offshore sweatshops in Africa and Cambodia et al - nor Greed's plundering of the BHS pension pot to finance his latest personal super-yacht, Ostentation Waste III.

And the moral of this story? The best one can expect from a pig is a grunt? To misquote Matthew 16:26-28: For what doth it profit a man if he gain title deed to the whole Universe - and every fucker thinks he's a right cunt?

Stop Press: (Drop the dead donkey).
Sports Direct chief human rights abuser and career gobshite bully boy 'Moron Mick' Gashley has now told gutter press hacks that he might just renew his former interest in buying BHS – and in the process score a few Parliamentary brownie points and hopefully offset the chance of being charged with a set of criminal offences for having his company's employees tortured for being late or daring to take a day off sick.

Do you work at BHS? Has Philip Greed's voracious spendthrift lifestyle fucked up the quality of your own? Do you have several private yachts and a Gulfstream jet? Is your pension pot short of some £600 million quid? Do you still have a pot to piss in? Sir (not for much longer) Philip Greed got a solid gold pot to piss in for his 64th birthday.

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Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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