In today's Let's Kick Some Establishment Ass 'nasty twat' exposé edition we bring our readership the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering counter-culture hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding anti-authoritarian non-conformists, proto-nihilists and those eclectic career radical, pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg recusant bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial - and harbour zero respect or empathy for the privilege-abusing authoritarian 0:01% oligarchy that believe they rule this world and all upon its mantle.
House of Conmans 'Bully-in-Chief' Speaker, John 'Shortarse' Bercow, is facing a frenzy of renewed calls to resign following the release of media reports he has a 'Bollocks to Brexit' sticker emblazoned on his car.
Pix snapped by radical gutter press hacks show the offensive Remainiac logo pasted on the inside of the windscreen on his personalised (taxpayer-funded) registration plate (CUNT 1) 4x4 SUV.
Bercow, the diminutive, mental midget MP for Lilliput, who admitted to voting Remain during the 2016 EUSSR referendum, has been accused of surpassing his customary level of unqualified, brass-necked arrogance over the anti-Brexit message stamped on his car, which was spotted in his private Parliament parking space by a bolshie group of cross party shit stirrers on Tuesday afternoon and reported to left wing media activists.
Whether or not Mr 'Grace & Favour' Bercow's IQ-deficient slag of a wife, Sordid Sally, also has use of the vehicle remains unconfirmed due the Speaker's office trolls keeping shtum on the matter, claiming denial was the best line of defence and refusing to comment on the outrageous sticker lest they fall foul of one of Bercow's 'hell hath no fury ...' temper tantrums.
Tory MP Andrew Bellend lashed out at the expense-fiddling Bercow for breaching his Speaker role of impartiality as he repeatedly reiterated support for Broken Britain to remain a 'compliant chattel' member of the EUSSR – opining to one press hack from the Traitor's Gazette that: "... the Speaker has never made any attempt to hide his corrupt, Brussels stooge personal views on what a mistake the Brexit vote was.”
Bellend’s Tory backbench colleague, James Dunceridge MP, also lashed out at the diminutive Bercow's purported breach of duty, stating it is “unthinkable that the Speaker should continue mediating Brexit debates while spontaneously attempting to blatantly derail discussions and can no longer act as an independent arbitrator in debates on such a crucial subject.”
Bellend and Dunceridge issued a statement on Monday that they would jointly put down an early day motion (EDM) expressing no confidence in Bercow to continue in his role as House Speaker.
Bercow's latest moronic fubar comes in the wake of facing calls to resign after he insisted on chairing a debate over a staff intimidation and bullying row involving egocentric MP's - who think they have some divine right to treat lesser mortals like shit - despite facing similar thuggish misconduct allegations filed against himself.
Viz this issue, the House of Conmans Leader, Andrea Deadweight, has ordered an independent inquiry into following a veritable shit storm of complaints from female clerks assigned to politicians that an entrenched culture of fear is rife within the once-hallowed halls of Westmonster – with Tory MP for the Wrekin-Crew constituency, Marky Mark Prickhard - and Labour MP Paul Foulmouth – in the firing line sights for a jolly good wrist-slapping by their respective party whips.
One Parliamentary staffer, who spoke to the Daily Shitraker on conditions of anonymity, (Mrs Candida Mingerot) claims she left her job as secretary to the unctuous Bercow due suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder from his daily haranguing and abuse.
"He's a right nasty piece of work – a poison dwarf – and yet another frog who dreams of becoming a toad. And his bottle 'blonde moment' bimbo of a missus, Piranha Teeth Sally, is no better either."
So the public funds squandering Bercow, a narcissistic twat to his very core, is once again mired in controversy – this time not due the fault of his shit-for-brains wife, but of his own manufacture.
Alas, 'tis always a problem with political wankers, when ego surpasses intellect.
Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect'.
This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane orthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness.
An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' bankster crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
(Unless one has the audacity to support the pro-Palestinian BDS campaign and criticise Zionist Israel's human rights abuses and war crimes – or dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Cringemonogate / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).
Wednesday, 14 March 2018
Saturday, 3 March 2018
Passenger Mutiny Checkmates Notwork Rail
In today's Winter War Zone 'Let's Kick Some Incompetent PFI Ass' exposé edition we bring our readership the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering Beast from the East hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding anti-authoritarian non-conformists, proto-nihilists and those eclectic career radical, pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg recusant bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial - and harbour zero respect or empathy for the privilege-abusing authoritarian 0:01% oligarchy that believe they rule this world and all upon its mantle.
So, where to start – with the Truth – or the Bullshit? Let's go with the official bullshit version to kick off, cos it gets ten outa ten for spin, hypocrisy and bare faced porky pies.
Ergo, the gospel according to Notwork Rail and Rattle Track, the Metropolitan area train services were brought to a screaming halt last night at London's Malfunction Junction after some lunatic passenger (it was a full moon) – speculated to be either a Russian anarchist or Islamic Jolly Jihad terrorist type - happy slapped the emergency exit button, jumped out of the carriage and onto the embankment pathway, then legged it to nearby Lewisham Station on foot.
To quote the Southern Discomfort Trains lie verbatim: "There are currently severe delays to services in the Lewisham area following a serious trespass incident."
"We've had to turn the power off for safety reasons, and staff are currently working with police, paramedics, fire service crews - and undertakers - to clear trespassers from the tracks so we can get trains moving again."
"These trespassers risk being electrocuted by the third rail or hit by the other four trains that – er – have also been stalled for hours due ice on the tracks."
Hmmm, not much chance of getting electrocuted when even the train can't draw power from an iced-up live centre rail
So the services – plural - were held up due to 'trespassers'. Que? WTF? Trespassers?
Now how's that for 'slam-dunk' passing the blame outa your own court and onto the passengers who got sick and tired of the train operator's gross incompetence and made a lifestyle decision 'not to' piss in their pants or die of dehydration or enter the primary stages of malnutrition - opened the doors and disembarked, knowing full well it would be quicker to walk to the station than wait for the useless operators to get them there.
The hapless fuckers had been stuck on a train with zero toilets or heating, drinks nor snackies for three and a half hours – with zero info' updates and no end in sight – so they abandoned their 'prison' and legged it up the trackside walkway – and 'not' down the centre of the tracks, playing hop-scotch footsie with the live third rail.
Fer Christ's sake – even the common herd have strategic reserves of common sense.
Okay, now for the cold stark truth about this 'train crash' (sic – no pun intended) 'Railmageddon' calamity - which actually involved not only Southern Discomfort but also other 'Inter-Shitty' service providers First Crapita Connect, Sardine Mainline and Snail Rail.
Southern Discomfort passenger Ron McScrote, the very chap whose patience reserves ran out and took a non-conformist initiative to hit the emergency exit button, then disembarked the train and walked the couple of hundred yards distance to Lewisham Station - followed by a host of like-minded folk - spoke to one gutter press hack from the Snafu Gazette at the bar of Lewisham's Pit Bull & Pikey pub.
"Wot the fuck do these twats expect. The effin' train stops between Blackheath an' Lewisham fer three an' a half hours – an' in sight of Lewisham Station. No heatin', no lights', no water or food – an' no bogs – so every fucker who wasn't too embarrassed ter pull their porker out in public woz takin' a piss up the back wall of the end carriage – transgender types an' butch lezzies included."
"I ain't jokin' cos I've seen better organised riots. The rail bosses needed ter get their proverbial shit together an' organise a proper evacuation instead of leavin' hundreds of hapless passengers stuck in-between stations."
"But that's gonna take some fucker competent enough ter run a train service an' not these amateur wankers posin' as professionals."
Southern Discomfort Trains CEO, Sir Aldous Driftwood – (former boss of Practical Pig Trains – which ceased trading in 2003 following the Baconsfield disaster) – informed media hacks that "The blame lies with the Russians and their covert weather wars 'Beast from the East' – and these common herd mutinous reprobates that disembarked the train carriage and hiked back to Lewisham Station only aggravated matters and brought the entire system to a dead stop."
Yeah right – Siberian weather / The Beast from the East - blame the Russians.
But ain't it odd that at the first sight of frost, ice or snow and rail transport in Broken Britain comes to a stop – whereas the Trans-Siberian Express – Moscow to Vladivostok - never fails to run.
Obviously the bosses of Rattle Track and Notwork Rail have never read that iconic children's story – 'The Little Engine That Could' – and employ it – along with Thomas the Tank Engine - to set an example to all the other slack-arsed train services.
Ah well, the Lewisham passengers were in some ways fortunate only being stuck for three and a half hours before throwing conformist philosophy to the vagaries of the four winds and legging it back to the welcoming warm lights of nearby Lewisham Station - considering passengers were stuck for up to fourteen hours when three trains ground to a halt as sub-zero freezing conditions made lines in Hampshire's New Forest impassable.
The same scenario too, north of the border, in haggis land - with both Caledonian Creeper and Scottish Nonce Rail train services snow-bound out in the middle of nowhere - with tracks blocked and other services backed up.
Luckily the hundreds of passengers were all paid up members of the Dutiful Compliance Club and nary a perfect 'shiny buttons' citizen put a foot wrong and decided 'enough was enough' and disembarked to make their own way back to the nearest point of warmth, food and drink civilisation.
Thus, what does this disastrous event tell us? That Britain might well still be 'broken' – until at such time we reclaim our prized autonomy from the Brussels-based EUSSR kleptocrat hierarchy – but our once-sceptred isle is stocked with non-conformist rebels on steroids who react when pushed too far.
Hence Government: Nasty Party Tory or Labour – whoever the fuck's in power - see, listen, learn and Beware the Day of the Rope – for this is the type of Bolshie rebel response that will be given life if the treacherous Remainiac bloc attempt to overturn or water down our 53% majority Brexit referendum vote and keep us tied to the fascist EUSSR Federation control freak state by as much as the length of a gnat's cock.
Were you stuck on one of Notwork Rails' trains overnight? Did you have to pee in your pants. Did hunger pangs tempt you to join the cannibal club eating vulnerable passengers in the economy class carriage? Did it taste like chicken – or pulled pork?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win 25% discount off your next Ripoff Rail annual season ticket.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so British Transport Police can call round and slap you with a libel writ.
Thought for the day. Never had this problem with pre-Beeching steam and diesel locomotives and rail lines icing over. Fer fuck's sake – electric trains – even the Ever-Ready rabbit keeps on 'going and going and going' across a snow-covered garden lawn – and that runs on a couple of AA batteries.
Allergy warning: for readers suffering from SHS (Snowflake Hypersensitivity Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'political incorrect'.
This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane orthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness.
An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' bankster crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
(Unless one has the audacity to support the pro-Palestinian BDS campaign and criticise Zionist Israel's human rights abuses and war crimes – or dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Cringemonogate / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).
So, where to start – with the Truth – or the Bullshit? Let's go with the official bullshit version to kick off, cos it gets ten outa ten for spin, hypocrisy and bare faced porky pies.
Ergo, the gospel according to Notwork Rail and Rattle Track, the Metropolitan area train services were brought to a screaming halt last night at London's Malfunction Junction after some lunatic passenger (it was a full moon) – speculated to be either a Russian anarchist or Islamic Jolly Jihad terrorist type - happy slapped the emergency exit button, jumped out of the carriage and onto the embankment pathway, then legged it to nearby Lewisham Station on foot.
To quote the Southern Discomfort Trains lie verbatim: "There are currently severe delays to services in the Lewisham area following a serious trespass incident."
"We've had to turn the power off for safety reasons, and staff are currently working with police, paramedics, fire service crews - and undertakers - to clear trespassers from the tracks so we can get trains moving again."
"These trespassers risk being electrocuted by the third rail or hit by the other four trains that – er – have also been stalled for hours due ice on the tracks."
Hmmm, not much chance of getting electrocuted when even the train can't draw power from an iced-up live centre rail
So the services – plural - were held up due to 'trespassers'. Que? WTF? Trespassers?
Now how's that for 'slam-dunk' passing the blame outa your own court and onto the passengers who got sick and tired of the train operator's gross incompetence and made a lifestyle decision 'not to' piss in their pants or die of dehydration or enter the primary stages of malnutrition - opened the doors and disembarked, knowing full well it would be quicker to walk to the station than wait for the useless operators to get them there.
The hapless fuckers had been stuck on a train with zero toilets or heating, drinks nor snackies for three and a half hours – with zero info' updates and no end in sight – so they abandoned their 'prison' and legged it up the trackside walkway – and 'not' down the centre of the tracks, playing hop-scotch footsie with the live third rail.
Fer Christ's sake – even the common herd have strategic reserves of common sense.
Okay, now for the cold stark truth about this 'train crash' (sic – no pun intended) 'Railmageddon' calamity - which actually involved not only Southern Discomfort but also other 'Inter-Shitty' service providers First Crapita Connect, Sardine Mainline and Snail Rail.
Southern Discomfort passenger Ron McScrote, the very chap whose patience reserves ran out and took a non-conformist initiative to hit the emergency exit button, then disembarked the train and walked the couple of hundred yards distance to Lewisham Station - followed by a host of like-minded folk - spoke to one gutter press hack from the Snafu Gazette at the bar of Lewisham's Pit Bull & Pikey pub.
"Wot the fuck do these twats expect. The effin' train stops between Blackheath an' Lewisham fer three an' a half hours – an' in sight of Lewisham Station. No heatin', no lights', no water or food – an' no bogs – so every fucker who wasn't too embarrassed ter pull their porker out in public woz takin' a piss up the back wall of the end carriage – transgender types an' butch lezzies included."
"I ain't jokin' cos I've seen better organised riots. The rail bosses needed ter get their proverbial shit together an' organise a proper evacuation instead of leavin' hundreds of hapless passengers stuck in-between stations."
"But that's gonna take some fucker competent enough ter run a train service an' not these amateur wankers posin' as professionals."
Southern Discomfort Trains CEO, Sir Aldous Driftwood – (former boss of Practical Pig Trains – which ceased trading in 2003 following the Baconsfield disaster) – informed media hacks that "The blame lies with the Russians and their covert weather wars 'Beast from the East' – and these common herd mutinous reprobates that disembarked the train carriage and hiked back to Lewisham Station only aggravated matters and brought the entire system to a dead stop."
Yeah right – Siberian weather / The Beast from the East - blame the Russians.
But ain't it odd that at the first sight of frost, ice or snow and rail transport in Broken Britain comes to a stop – whereas the Trans-Siberian Express – Moscow to Vladivostok - never fails to run.
Obviously the bosses of Rattle Track and Notwork Rail have never read that iconic children's story – 'The Little Engine That Could' – and employ it – along with Thomas the Tank Engine - to set an example to all the other slack-arsed train services.
Ah well, the Lewisham passengers were in some ways fortunate only being stuck for three and a half hours before throwing conformist philosophy to the vagaries of the four winds and legging it back to the welcoming warm lights of nearby Lewisham Station - considering passengers were stuck for up to fourteen hours when three trains ground to a halt as sub-zero freezing conditions made lines in Hampshire's New Forest impassable.
The same scenario too, north of the border, in haggis land - with both Caledonian Creeper and Scottish Nonce Rail train services snow-bound out in the middle of nowhere - with tracks blocked and other services backed up.
Luckily the hundreds of passengers were all paid up members of the Dutiful Compliance Club and nary a perfect 'shiny buttons' citizen put a foot wrong and decided 'enough was enough' and disembarked to make their own way back to the nearest point of warmth, food and drink civilisation.
Thus, what does this disastrous event tell us? That Britain might well still be 'broken' – until at such time we reclaim our prized autonomy from the Brussels-based EUSSR kleptocrat hierarchy – but our once-sceptred isle is stocked with non-conformist rebels on steroids who react when pushed too far.
Hence Government: Nasty Party Tory or Labour – whoever the fuck's in power - see, listen, learn and Beware the Day of the Rope – for this is the type of Bolshie rebel response that will be given life if the treacherous Remainiac bloc attempt to overturn or water down our 53% majority Brexit referendum vote and keep us tied to the fascist EUSSR Federation control freak state by as much as the length of a gnat's cock.
Were you stuck on one of Notwork Rails' trains overnight? Did you have to pee in your pants. Did hunger pangs tempt you to join the cannibal club eating vulnerable passengers in the economy class carriage? Did it taste like chicken – or pulled pork?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win 25% discount off your next Ripoff Rail annual season ticket.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so British Transport Police can call round and slap you with a libel writ.
Thought for the day. Never had this problem with pre-Beeching steam and diesel locomotives and rail lines icing over. Fer fuck's sake – electric trains – even the Ever-Ready rabbit keeps on 'going and going and going' across a snow-covered garden lawn – and that runs on a couple of AA batteries.
Allergy warning: for readers suffering from SHS (Snowflake Hypersensitivity Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'political incorrect'.
This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane orthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness.
An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' bankster crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
(Unless one has the audacity to support the pro-Palestinian BDS campaign and criticise Zionist Israel's human rights abuses and war crimes – or dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Cringemonogate / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).
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