Saturday, 2 June 2012

Sluts.com Wins Piracy Download Case

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

What now of our once-sceptred isle? Morally bankrupt, we see before us all that remains of a shattered temple once called Albion, as the burgeoning pornographic conspiracy consumes alike some festering cancer what little virtuous worth is left of this debased Christian society as it destroys the family and degrades the human spirit.

O2 customers suspected of illegally downloading and sharing pornographic films made by Ben Dover Productions will begin receiving letters from the UK-based filth film-maker this coming week after the company won a court order forcing O2 to release details of the file-sharing pirate tossers who own the 95,124 Jolly Rogering IP addresses so far linked to illegal downloads.

The High Court has now approved the text of the message that will be sent out to the offending illegal download jackoff artists – with the judge stipulating that threats against users to have ISPs terminate their internet connections if they did not comply and pay up were wholly unjustified.

Conversely the commercial director of the firm – Mr Benjamin Dover Esq, (a former Whitechapel pimp) which is registered at Companies House as Brown Eye Entertainment and an aid to self-gratification, today informed one press hack from the Dog Wankers Gazette that parties who downloaded pirate copies would be pursued to the ends of the Earth regardless by court-appointed bailiffs and publicly named and shamed.

Brown Eye’s company secretary Mingeeter Godermiche told the media "In our first letter we’ll try to get the IP address holder to admit they made an unauthorised download which will prove the infringement of our copyright. Then depending on their response to our letters we’ll decide our next action."

Those accused of illegal downloads will be given 28 days to reply after presiding Judge, Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock, bemoaned and mourned the demise of the 1959 Obscene Publications Act, then prudently ruled that the 5 day limit requested by Ben Dover Productions was wholly unreasonable.

It is understood that recipients will be instructed how to negotiate a settlement, and warned that if they do not respond they could be found liable and their wives and children kidnapped and sold on the Eastern European sex slave market to cover the penalty charge of £700 for each of the £10 quid movies pirated.

Ben Dover Productions PR agent Fellattia van der Gamm fielded a most graphic display of the company’s ‘products’ to the courtroom assembly to demonstrate their commercial value, which included IMBD / YouTube trailers of Bollywod star Debbie Dalit rug-munching in their lezbo extravaganza ‘Cowgirls and Indians’ – along with aspiring actress Candida McSkanger, a sixteen year old mother of three, filmed in glorious 'Dover-Dick-Vision' with a strapon cock up her virgin bunghole and sporting the caption “She might well look like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth but can certainly give one hell of a sloppy BJ with a gob full of ice cubes”.

This current High Court case to force ISP provider O2 to reveal the names and addresses of IP holders is simply the latest desperate money-grubbing tactic in a line of efforts to clamp down on a wide range of media piracy and prevent hard up punters practicing the core principle of Marxism - wherein all property is considered theft – and hence downloading freebie DVD copies of Doggers Delights, Jizzm Slurping Housewives, and Suck n Swallow Sally – or celebrity Ukrainian lap dancer and strip club artist Tekem Orloff having a three-hole clusterfuck – for sod all is perfectly kosher.

And that – getting something for nothing - is in itself is quite an achievement under the iron rule of Austerity Dave Scameron, the Libservative Coalition government leader.

Thought for the day: Funny - Ben Dover Productions indeed. Ben Dover was the prefix to an old schoolboy joke with a homophobic theme.

So, anyone feel like throwing up? Hit the URL below and take a peek at the line up of poxy scrubbers the Ben Dover Productions website has to offer. Really, some fucker or their dog must be hard up for a shag – or have a grudge against good sex to download any of this crap – and pay good boozing money to do so. Of course, you can always run the gauntlet and download a pirate copy for free like the other 95,124 self-enterprising punters on the company’s shit list.

http://www.ben-dover.com/v4/

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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