Met HQ Name Change to ‘New Scandal Yard’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

If it wasn’t for bad luck then the Met’s Plod Squad wouldn’t have any. Coming in the still-churning wake of the Raving Rupert Mudrock News Corporation graft and corruption / bribery scandal and the trio of active investigations headed by Assistant Commissioner Sue Knackers of the Yard relating to Operation Twat Hunt into inappropriate payments to officers – plus Operation Whodunnit and Operation Hacker, two New Scandal Yard CID plods and a former detective inspector have been named as key culprits in bribery allegations revealed to MPs.

The Home Affairs Select Committee was informed of a culture of graft and corruption right at the heart of New Scandal Yard with officers from the Anti-Corruption Squad investigating Nigerian fraudster Jaffacake Ibori accused of accepting large cash payments in exchange for insider information.

While the former DI went straight into self-preservation mode and refused to say anything that might incriminate him further - and the two serving officers declined to comment, documented evidence presented by Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, Solicitors, to MPs indicated that private investigation firm, Ripoffs Management SA, was involved in wining and dining and facilitating large cash payoff bungs to officers investigating on the Ibori embezzlement case.

Ms Sue Fleecem QC, representing Ibori's London lawyer, Rupert Hopeless, who was jailed as part of the case, informed the Parliamentary Committee "The key culprits appear to be the key players who are the senior investigating officer, DI Gary Scumm, and two of the key investigators, specifically DC John MacSkanger and DC Ronnie Scrote."

Mr Jaffacake N’Kunta Ibori was the former Minister for Kleptocracy of the corruption-ridden oil-rich Delta region in Nigeria, who pilfered hundreds of zillions of pounds from government coffers and was sentenced to thirteen years imprisonment last April after being found guilty of ‘sanitising’ what banksters refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ through a UK-based chain of dodgy ‘Wash, Rinse n Tumble’ launderettes and Cash 4 Gash pawn shops.

Giving testimony to the Home Affairs Select Committee at the House of Conmans, Ms Fleecem produced records that half a dozen payments totalling £20,000 were made over a period of nine months.
However, these allegations were originally made in an anonymous bundle of documents delivered to former Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson and the Independent Police Coverups Commission in 2011 from whistle-blowing Plod Squad moles working for the Ox-Rat snitch and grassers watchdog charity.

The paperwork included sheaves of highly incriminating detailed invoices and expense ledgers from Ripoffs Management SA, headed at the time by two former New Scandal Yard detectives, Jack ‘Biffo’ Kunter and Cliff ‘Pitbull’ Knucklebutty – a revelation that finally forced the IPCC to instruct the Metropolitan Police's Directorate of Professional Standards to conduct an internal investigation which has since been lambasted by critics for its preposterous pantomime failings by having the suspected guilty parties investigating their own alleged criminal misdeeds.

To wit, the UK’s Biased Broadcasting Corporation has confirmed that in the seven months since the DPS inquiry was launched, neither Ripoffs Management SA nor Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, the conflict-of-interest law firm who hired them on behalf of Mr Jaffacake Ibori, have been contacted, nor any police officer interviewed over the allegations.

Thought for the day. Wouldn’t it be nice to know we can sleep easy in our beds knowing the Plod Squad Bobbies are out there 24/7 doing their duty – instead of them comprising a tax-payer funded corps of elitist criminals who can – and do – get away with daylight robbery - and murder.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.