Wednesday 29 February 2012

Bercow Hypocrisy viz Fig Tree Expense

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The House of Conmans’ Committee for Wasting Time & Money are investigating alternative funding arrangements for twelve fig trees decorating the atrium of Portcullis House which have drained the taxpayers’ purse of £400,000 quid paid out in maintenance fees to Ripoff Gardening Services over the 12 years the MPs' offices have been sited in the building.

Spitting the dummy in a fit of hypocritical pique, House Speaker John Bercow informed a press hack from the Spendthrifts Gazette that he was horrified to learn about the exorbitant costs of £30,000 a year for watering the plants since MPs moved there in 2001.
The biscuit-bearing fig trees were intended to provide shade in the atrium which MPs utilise to hold meetings with constituents and other visitors - such as the Met's Fraud Squad.

“What a crock of crap – the effin’ public are going ter go apeshit if they ever find out they’re getting’ fleeced – payin’ all this bloody money out fer these tree so MPs can wander past with a cup of coffee an’ reach up ter pick a couple of fig biscuits. I’ll bet we could get a couple of ginger nut trees or the jaffa cake ones fer the same price.”

Parliamentary snitches claim the Committee for Wasting Time & Money, chaired by the Speaker, met on Monday night and demanded alternative funding arrangements - Westminster speak for a cheaper gardener.

Conversely, Ms Candida Mingerot, the New Labour MP for Upper Shitcreek, issued a stream of rabid rebukes, branding Bercow a total hypocrite. “What is the Speaker’s problem with our fig biscuit trees in the Portcullis House atrium, might I ask? There was no mention of taxpayers’ money being squandered when he blew £20,000-plus quid on the unnecessary redecoration and refurbishment of the Speaker's grace and favour apartment in the Palace of Westminster, buying a large television and a DVD player – all paid for out of the public purse – along with the £37,000 nicker wasted his ostentatious portrait and that ego-boosting heraldic coat of arms.”

Last November, when the bumptious Bercow unveiled his official coat of arms - dominated by a ladder to represent his climb to the top from the political gutter of peasant society - with a rainbow and pink triangles marking his support for rug-munching dykes, fudge-packing poofters and cross-dressing weirdoes - a veritable tide of condemnation hit the Parliamentary Standards Committee from value for money campaigners and the Tax Payers’ Alliance, who rightly claimed the joint expenditures were obscenely excessive at a time of public sector austerity and only aimed at boosting John ‘Viagra Man’ Bercow’s lack of self-esteem.

Bercow revealed his new official ‘vanity’ portrait by British artist Banksy - depicting him rising from his Speaker's chair to scratch his arse - together with the official coat of arms, which sits in the portrait’s frame, dominated by a ladder, four roundels and two curved seax knives.

The ladder apparently represents Bercow’s ascent from humble beginnings, as the only son of an Edgware pikey family (whose father was arrested for swan poaching on the local canal during the Christmas of 1972) - with the roundels signifying his obsession with playing pocket billiards in public – and the seax knives, traditionally worn by Saxon warriors 1,000 years ago, represent Bercow’s defence against the annoying demands of his super-slapper blonde moment missus Sally ‘Piranha Teeth’ Bercow.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 28 February 2012

Gov’ Equalities Minister Disses God & Bible

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The ultra-moronic Libservative Coalition’s Equalities Minister Lynne ‘Pelican Features’ Featherbrian – another frog who dreams of becoming a toad - has, with brazen hubris aforethought, put herself above God and the guidestone moral principles of the Bible to declare for the public record that the Church is wrong - and in her unqualified opinion it will be a good thing for society if same sex couples get married and raise a family. Que? WTF?

Conversely, in response to this blasphemy, the former Archbishop of Canterbury and head of the Church of England, Lord George Carey, a critic of plans to legalise gay marriage, accused Ms Featherbrain of putting an "unwarranted slant" on a statement he issued months previously, informing one press hack from the Profanity Gazette “And from where might we inquire does Parliament’s favourite self-promoting little ‘Miss Progesterex’ draw her egoistic arrogant opinion that God, the Bible - and too the Church - are wrong and she is right?”

“Ms Featherbrain needs to take a good look at the Bible – specifically the Old Testament’s Book of Leviticus which states quite clearly that God hates poofs – whom He, in His omnipotent wisdom, terms without a shred of ambiguity – as ‘abominations’ – and regardless of what all these infidel rug-munchers and heathen sodomites - and atheists – and Ms Featherbrain – might think, I’m not inclined to go against the Boss’s word on this one.”

Scum-Watch reader might recall that Lord Carey wrote to the Homophobes Review that he personally was baffled by Posh Dave Scameron’s moronic statement at the 2011 Conservative Party conference, in which he declared: ''I don't support gay marriage in spite of being a Conservative - I support gay marriage because I went to public school and am a Conservative.''

In his article Carey stated ''Like many others who reply on common sense and logic to direct my though processes I was totally perplexed by that element of Scameron’s speech. Not because I begrudge his experience of playing the beast with two back while he was at Eton – for I myself spent years in a male-only seminary - but due the fact this Government's proposal to legalised same sex civil marriages constitutes one of the venal and corrupt political power grabs in the history of our once-sceptred isle. We in the Church of England do not own the institution of marriage – and by this same rule neither does the government.''

''The honourable estate of matrimony precedes both the state and the church, and neither of these institutions have the right to redefine it in such a fundamental way. So, in the event of a divorce or annulment of these ‘unholy wedlock’ civil ceremonies, what factors will apply? That the so-called marriage was never consummated – or one party has been denying the other their conjugal rights?

“Ms Featherbrain’s promotion of this issue does not bode well for the government as we all recall only too well the brouhaha she caused – and the accompanying raucous laughter – as the Opposition MP who, back in 2006, was so retarded as to raise questions on the floor of the House of Conmans concerning New Labour’s intentions regarding the regulation of the non-existent date rape drug, Progesterex.”

“Hence she needs to engage brain prior to opening mouth lest she puts her proverbial foot in it again concerning her lack of knowledge regarding the intricacies – both secular and sectarian – of the same-sex marriage controversy – for such presents an act of cultural and theological vandalism and personally I’ve seen better organised riots.”

However, jumping into the foray with both feet and in defence of Featherbrain, the Gay Rights campaigner Miss Peter ‘Call me Beverly’ Tatchell told the BBC’s ‘Fudgers Hour’ programme that ''The Coalition for Marriage is intolerant and out of touch and its support for the ban on gay marriage is homophobic and discrimination regardless of them collecting 36,000 support signatures on a petition in four days.”

“Really, why shouldn’t poofters and lesbo dykes be allowed to get married and have a legally-binding union – and the likes of the Church and Lord Carey shouldn’t set out to polarise marriage by saying it’s only right for a man and women to marry and sinful in the eyes of God for a bloke to marry his best mate – or a woman her closest girlfriend."

Ms Featherbrain, the incumbent Lib-Dum MP for Doggers Wood, also on the programme, announced "I want to challenge Lord Carey’s view and that of his fellow stick-in-the-mud traditionalists. It is the government's fundamental job to reflect society and to shape the future, not stay silent where it has the power to act and change things for the better – which is precisely the purpose of next month’s public consultation on legalising gay marriage.”

“This debate about same-sex marriages should not represent a battle between gay rights and religious beliefs. This is about the underlying principles of family, society - and especially personal freedoms so if a same sex couple wish to sodomise each other to consummate their civil union – or shag each other’s brains out with a strapon dildo – then that is their right.”

On a closing note to the BBC’s programme, Biffo McFagg, chief exec’ of the gay, lesbian and bisexual charity Iron Hoof, said: "Our strong advice to these weirdoes and queer folk who disagree with same-sex marriage is go and get married to someone of the opposite sex if that’s what turns you on."

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Clinton Hypocrisy on Syria & Palestine

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

US Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, after delivering a little ‘hearts and minds’ homily to military chiefs at Virginia’s Camp Redneck on how ‘not to’ dispose of confiscated Korans and piss off the entire Afghan population by desecrating the holy book of Islam, went on to spout a fountain of her trademark ‘moral authority’ hypocrisy as she pontificated to media hacks about last week’s Friends of Syria neo-colonial opportunists’ conference in Tunisia - seizing the opportunity to blast both Russia and China for failing to join the international condemnation of Syrian President ‘Basher’ al-Assad's Arab Socialist ‘Spider in the Ba’ath’ regime.

"It's quite distressing to see two permanent members of the UN Security Council not agreeing with the US and using their veto while people like our war correspondents are being murdered – plus women and children and all those valiant young brick throwers getting run down by Israeli bulldozers like Rachel Corrie – and their houses being demolished to make way for Jewish settlers. It is just despicable and I’m forced to ask which side the Russians and Chinese are on - clearly not that of the Syrian peasants and the West Bank Palestinians.”

Clinton - the Mena Mafia Matriarch and wife of cock-happy ex-President Bill ‘the Artful Dodger’ – obviously suffering another of her now-frequent ‘blonde moments’ – went on to threaten Assad with “Watch out, you chinless wonder as we’ll get the Israelis to build one of their Great Apartheid Walls around Syria – just like they have round the Gaza Strip – then we’ll do another Operation Cast Lead and unleash the IDF’s homicidal maniacs to come and dish out a double helping of our dreaded Arkanside.”

As if to back up his rug-munching Sec’ of Sleaze, the Kenyan cuckoo in the White House, Barky O’Barmy used his most forceful words to date on the Syrian crisis, informing press hacks that "It is time to stop the killing of Syrian citizens by their own government and imperative for the international community to rally and send a clear message to President Assad that it is time for a transition and accept the fact that our Zionist New World Order’s here to stay and Syria’s gonna be part of the Greater Israel whether they like it or not - just the same as Iran. The Pentagon’s Risk Asessment people have decided this situation's no longer a matter of ‘if’ but simply one of ‘when’.”

“To achieve this end, the US and our allies will use every tool available to put a stop to the bloodshed – including sending in more Saudi mercenaries and NATO’s 21st Body Bag Regiment - and arming the opposition rebels with hi-tech weaponry.”

Conversely, for their part, Russia and China, which have so far blocked UN military action on Syria, and are eager to head off any repeat of the kind of foreign intervention that happened in Libya with the NATO ‘humanitarian intervention’ campaign which managed to kill, maim or wound every fucker old enough to bleed, demolished their entire national infrastructure, and turned order into absolute fucking chaos - as per the gameplan. Nice one - God bless America.

Thought for the day. Fuck the ‘Rodent’ – yet another frog who dreams of being a toad – a Rothshite organ grinder’s monkey stooge promoting their special brand of Fascist-Democracy to forward the homicidal agenda of the Great Satan’s imperialist warmonger bullies and globally establish their Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion / New World Order by force of arms.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 27 February 2012

Notice to St Hugh’s College of Oxford

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Without Prejudice: For Truth, Reason & Justice

Notice to the Staff & Students of St Hugh’s College of Oxford

Appointment of Elish Angiolini as Principal: will St Hugh's College now become alike Aberdeen and synonymous with child molesting and paedophilia?

Subject: Scotland’s former Lord Advocate Dame Elish Angiolini DBE, QC, FRSA (nee McPhilomy) – the alleged High Priestess of Caledonian Corruption - and the designate elect ‘Principal’ of St Hugh’s College of Oxford.

This missive is intended to serve as a socio-environmental moral impact hazard alert to make all aware of the facts that Elish Angiolini is the female of the species personally accountable for the contrived arrest and vindictive persecution of anti-child sexual abuse campaigner Robert Green – an honourable Christian English / Welsh latter-day paladin who has selflessly proceeded against all odds in his crusade to expose what is now known across the internet’s cyberspace spectrum as the ‘Hollie Greig’ case.

Angiolini has been named as the COPFS official responsible for the cover-up of the Hollie Greig disabled / special needs children systemic child molesting / serial rape scandal - and too any investigation into the murder (assisted suicide) of Hollie’s Uncle Roy – crimes committed by thugs in the employ of a cabal of elitist establishment Masonic pederasts in Scotland’s drug smuggling and kiddie fiddling capital of Aberdeen.

Do the Faculty and student body really want an obnoxious child molester’s apologist as the newly-invested Principal at St Hugh’s College of Oxford this coming September?

This woman represents an evil entity incarnate, is fuelled by her own self-promoting, egoistic sense of unqualified arrogance - and currently under investigation for misuse of public funds by Scotland’s Plod Squad CID (monies expended to silence the media and ensure the identities of Aberdeen’s paedophile ring were secured - and thus protect them from exposure, police investigation and prosecution).

Who, in their right minds, would desire to see Angiolini involved in any aspect of trust and a ‘responsibility for care’ involving this nation’s youth and student education, considering her past record of knowingly, and with malice aforethought, perverting the course of justice to enable the criminal seduction and rape of minors on her home turf.

Partaking in this medium of dark knowledge and blackmail she has thus advanced her professional career to great profit, through a systematic agenda of corruption, serving the lecherous perversions of her diabolical Satanic child abuse masters who operate under the Compass and Square flag of a venal branch of Scottish Rite Freemasonry - and maintain their immoral, debauched ranks via the tried and approved ‘Four-Way’ test of Bribery, Blackmail, Bludgeons & Bodybags.

This woman’s notoriety - due her personal actions of sabotaging police investigations and suppressing crucial information relevant to the sexual abuse of Hollie Greig and a legion of like special needs children around the Grampian region - to protect high-profile legal figures and members of the oligarchy belonging to the secretive Masonic cabal of Satanists, pederasts and sodomites known as The Speculative Society, operating in Aberdeen and across the length and breadth of Scotland - and too the entire United Kingdom - will automatically, as St Hugh’s Principal, drag the good name of the college into disrepute by association alone.
This will be a focused purpose of the Hollie Demands Justice campaign.

Objections to this scandalous appointment will manifest not just in the iconic and honourable preserves of Oxford but across the UK and internationally - and too the cosmic expanse of cyberspace - if the Faculty continue with their fatally-flawed course of hiring a woman whose credibility as an honest and magnanimous official falls far short of that required by an institution of learning.

Or, do we speculate, has she been chosen and foisted upon the Faculty via her Masonic political connections to allow a vile and venomous serpent into the midst of England’s university education system by the dark insidious hand of this venal and debased chapter of Scottish Rite Freemasonry that long ago perverted the cult of the Widow’s Son to serve their own base villainous desires?

Beware, for Angiolini falls into that category of persons who give career criminals a bad name.

To view documented evidence of her disastrous and corrupt career as the COPFS Regional Procurator Fiscal based in Aberdeen, Solicitor General and Lord Advocate, click onto these URLs: http://holliedemandsjustice.org/ and http://thescum.info/category/people/elish-angiolini/ - additionally the public support webpages of her latest ‘vengeance’ victim http://freerobertgreen.co.uk/
- plus http://holliedemandsjustice-robertgreensblog.blogspot.com/

It is a commonly held belief that if Angiolini dropped dead there’d be no need to dig a grave, she’s so crooked and bent the undertaker could simply wind her into the cemetery sod like a corkscrew.

Within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 750,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes Elish Angiolini, the High Priestess of Caledonian Corruption, nor her sub-human condition. However it has been unanimously agreed by a conclave of prisoners of moral conscience and sexually-abused special needs children that the word KUNT comes pretty close.

To quote: “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive” - and Justice’s true course is perverted by a foul cabal of child molesting elitist 33rd degree Masonic plutocrats – and their protectors and apologists – Scotland’s corrupt politicians, lawyers, police and judiciary – the ‘lesser’ degree ranks of the ‘Brotherhood’.

To wit, may this criminal ‘fraternity’ that Elish Angiolini, in her official capacity with Scotland’s COPFS and as Lord Advocate has long protected - have so corrupted the morals and ethics of Scottish Rite Freemasonry ‘yet again’ (Thomas Watt Hamilton / Dunblane’s Masonic paedo’ pimp) to engage in acts of kiddie fiddling and / or protect the child molesting pondscum of Aberdeen - be cursed and damned for all Eternity and respectively assigned to Dante’s 2nd and 9th Circles of Hades.

“By our acts shall Freemasonry be judged” - that's their credo and how very true, in light of Dunblane's Thomas Watt Hamilton, paedo pimp to the Scottish lodges - and the disgusting revelations concerning the Aberdeen cover-up of the Masonic pederast ring involved in the Hollie Greig sexual abuse and serial rape case - and the contrived arrest and imprisonment of Robert Green.

Alas, we cannot change the past, but by Hell, it most surely can and will come back to haunt us – that is the path of Karma.

Thought for the day: Just wait until Elish Angiolini takes up her post at St Hugh’s College in Oxford this fall - if she’s not in prison for her scandalous sins already – then she’ll be off Scotland’s corrupt turf - and in England wide open for a citizen’s arrest.

As Confucius once stated for the public record: “Payback’s a bitch!”

For Robert Green: An old Oriental adage states “If you sit long enough on a river bank you will see the bodies of all your enemies float past”. Insha’allah.

The Skewed News Views Blog (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

http://freerobertgreen.co.uk/

http://holliedemandsjustice.org/

http://thescum.info/category/people/elish-angiolini/

Sunday 26 February 2012

Pomposities for Ponderance

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Tories Delight in Eurozone Crisis

In a disgusting display of schadenfreude on Tueday, following a meeting at the Wilkins Micawber Institute for Economic Guessology, the Tory Chancellor Georgie Osborne - a silver-spoon Bullingdon Club brat who still thinks wood grows on trees - was giggling like a drunken teen slapper high on ecstasy that had just sexperienced her first three-hole gang bang - while confiding to a gutter press hack from the redtop tabloid Shylock’s Gazette that he was personally delighted with the eurozone debtocracy crisis and mega-bucks bail-outs – as someone else’s misfortune was good for Broken Britain’s economy.

Feasting on another’s star-crossed adversity is pathetic, especially so when this same Chancellor claims the Royal Bank of Scumland is getting its act together ‘bit by bit’ following the announcement it has posted an attributable loss of £2 billion quid over the last year - up from a loss of £1.1 billion in 2010 – and the fourth year of losses since the bank's £45:5 billion nicker bailout in 2008.

Notwithstanding these annual Biblical scale fuck-ups, the RBS still had the brazen audacity to pay out £785 million quid in ‘performance’ bonuses to it’s bean counters and casino addicted banksters for the 2010 period (no shit) under the statutes of Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown’s 2008 Bankster Bailout Bill, later amended by the Tory-dominated Libservative Coalition to become the Bankster Bailout & Guaranteed Bonus Act 2010.

But times are hard and profits non-existent, so the Treasury, under the stewardship Chancellor Osborne, which now controls 82% lock, stock and barrel of the usurious gambling den, have imposed the same style of austerity measures on the RBS as suffered by the rest of Broken Britain – and slashed the 2011 bonus pot by half – down to a mere £390 million quid to be shared out by the derivatives speculators staffing the investment banking department – to supplement their meager £112,000 salaries.

No shit, if they get a £390 million performance bonus pool for this fuck up and losing £2 billion quid, one fears to hypothesise what a staggering £££ kitty they’d have to divvy up ‘if’ (and it’s a big IF) they ever make a profit.

Hmmm, Mr George Osborne indeed - and someone actually voted this moronic Mammon-worshipping dildo into political office?

No Win – No Fee: Let’s Sue God

If force majeure is defined as an act of God then can we not sue Him or the Trinity when shit goes wrong?

Okay, the Roman Catholic Church maintain God loves and watches over us – and all we have to do in return is get ourselves baptised, be good, say a prayer at bed-time and attend holy communion or mass now and again - hence such represents an admittance of responsibility for care.

So if Granny does her usual trick and falls head over tit downstairs after a few bottles of Meths Breezer and breaks a leg, then it’s God’s fault – and if He is so all-powerful, omnipotent and what have you, and was hence negligent in care, then He could even be culpable of common assault – or GBH – or second degree murder or manslaughter if the old bat snuffed it.

Okay God’s a hard Third Party to litigate against – but as the Vatican and Papacy are temporal entities then surely, with Joey Ratflinger, aka Pope Benny, the German built to last Mk XVI model, claiming to be the Vicar of Christ / God’s appointed representative on Earth – then we can sue him.
Why not – some ambulance-chasing scumbag ‘no win - no fee’ lawyer’s bound to take the case on.

7/7 Rehash for Olympics Anti-Terror Drill

A mocked-up terror attack on the London Underground is being staged as part of a massive exercise to test security for the 2012 Games.

The drill has been designed to test the emergency services response to a terrorist incident on the London Underground network during the Olympics with some 2,500 people – including every fucker and their dog - from the Met’s sadly depleted Plod Squad to Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense’s Poop Scoop Wardens to troops from the 21st Body Bag Regiment to Cobra, the slimy top level Government committee which sits during national scaremongering emergencies and black propaganda crisies - are being put through their paces by the two-day exercise.

Hopefully the government apply a touch of 20/20 hindsight and don’t contract Peter Power’s Visor Consultants to run the terror rehearsal operation this time around as per the 7th July 2005 – when things actually did start going ‘Ka-fucking-Boom!’ on the London transport network.

These acts were blamed on Mohammed al Patsy and his cohort stooges from the Leeds-based Ras al-Batshit Jolly Jihadist group – which involved them blowing the top off a double-decker with a ridiculous pantomime black pepper and peroxide bomb while the real MI5 / manky Mossad pre-planted false flag explosive devices – military grade Semtex - were simultaneously detonated by remote control radio signal ‘under’ the floors of the carriages of the three tube trains to murder, maim and injure a legion of British commuters and generate a wave of Islamophobia and public animosity towards Muslims.

Obviously anyone who got an attack of Oppositional Defiance Disorder Syndrome and started asking awkward questions as to why the suicide bombers turned up at Canary Wharf later that morning and got snuffed by an MI5 hit team themselves turned up dead in the David Kelley Memorial Woods.

Just one pause for thought – why focus on the Olympics fortnight and not the Diamond Jubilee – or even Wimbledon week – or the July sales at Piccadilly’s Pound Stretcher branch?
Why? Dead easy – cos that’s when the transparent fucks have the next false flag attack scheduled.

Gimme that Old Time Religion

Bringing home to the UK’s doorstep a touch of Mid-East ZioNazi racism, members of the London School of Economics ‘Israel Society’ took umbrage at the LSE Students Union ‘Palestinian Society’ protesters who erected mock IDF style checkpoints outside St Clements House on Houghton Street on Monday morning to demonstrate the dire conditions suffered by the marginalised and disaffected Palestinian population of the occupied West Bank.

Hence the launch of the Palestinian Society’s 8th Annual Israeli Apartheid Week and their Boycotts, Divestment and Sanctions campaign incited a parallel of what the IDF give the Palestinians – a most violent response with water bombs thrown – along with racist invectives, foreign language expletives – plus an array of fisticuffs and kicks.

The Palestinian Society’s Bev Titwank told one press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette that “Their actions were a disgrace and wholly unjustified as our demo’ was completely peaceful. Hence the violent actions of these ZioNazi apologists mirror those of the pariah state of Israel’s Defence Force – a threat to the well-being of our society members re-enacting the daily struggles of the oppressed Palestinian people.”

Conversely LSE Kikester-Power Union President Ms Jenny Cidal, speaking to a reporter from the Ethnic Cleansing Review outside the City’s Rothshite Bank of International Usury “We refuse to be intimidated by these grotty goyim with their mock checkpoints. They are the ones who should be censured – promoting anti-Semitism – and probably Holohoax denial too.”

Hmmm, let’s not start on the anti-Semitic myth – it’s anti-Zionist, pure and simple.
Israel and Palestine – what a fucking catastrophe now become. It’s doubtful that this was what God (Promised Land) – or Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour (Balfour Declaration) – had in mind when allocating someone else’s sovereign property for usurpation by the Chosen People under the old 'manifest destiny' ruse.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 25 February 2012

Cherie Bliar Sues Scum News Corp

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Cherie Bliar, speaking with press hacks outside Dr Achmed’s Botox Clinic in Harley Street yesterday, confided that she’d started legal proceedings concerning the hacking of her personal phone by the Sunday Shitraker – Rupert ‘Wrinkles’ Mudrock’s now-defunct red top gutter press tabloid.

Cherie, the money-grubbing ‘Ugly Sister’ spouse of international war criminal Tony Bliar, herself a qualified barrack room lawyer, apparently kick started legal action to sue Mudrock's News Group on Tuesday in relation to the unlawful interception of her voicemails by Hackers-R-Us.

In November, Tony Bliar's former super scumbag press secretary Alastair Campbell informed the Leveson Inquiry investigating the total lack of media ethics he had suspected Cherie Bliar's back-stabbing friend Carole Caplin of feeding juicy, scandalous gossip about her to the gutter press – especially the rumours that her jowls dropped like a bloodhounds after a course of Botox treatment rejected her.

“We decided the stories had to have been passed to reporters by Caplin – especially then one that Cherie’s face was like a burst G800 Groundhog tyre due her Botox injections being done on the cheap by Pikey Facials or Kwik-Fit - with that dreaded French PIP industrial silicone and tyre vulcanising crap that they use for boob jobs.”

Campbell further revealed to the inquiry "During the 13 years we managed to stay in government before getting hoofed out in 2010, a gang of us at Downing Street were very worried over how many stories, not just about Cherie, but all of us who were involved in the government at that time were getting leaked. And these concerned all sorts of evil shit – like it was Tony who stamped on Operation Ore to stop the press finding out how many child molesters and paedo’s there were in Whitehall and the House of Conmans.”

“Then someone pointed the fickle finger of fate that it was Tony who ordered MI5 to go and have a chat with Dr David Kelly about his suicide options after he snitched on us for spicing up the Iraqi weapons of mass distraction dossier. But it got really worrying when Tony was fingered for sanctioning MI5 and Mossad to carry out the 7/7 London tube bombings to generate a wave of Islamophobia and generalised public hatred for Muslims – and so get our tip-toe panopticon surveillance state agenda a step or two closer fruition.”

"But equally there were all sorts of stories where you would just sit scratching your head thinking “How the fuck did that get out?” – with none of us realising at the time it was probably that old sour-grapes twat Gordon – just trying to stir the shit and make Tony look bad – not that he ever needed any help on that score – so he could hoof Tony out and finally get his bigoted Scots arse into Number Ten.”

Have you ever had your phone hacked by the ginger-mingin Rebekah Wade’s shit-raking News International press hacks? Do you read the Sun or just look at the tits on page 3? Would you even stoop to wiping your arse on any of Pondscum News Corp's red top tabloids?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could be in line for an out-of-court mega-bucks settlement from His Imperial Ruthlessness, Raving Rupert Mudrock.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 24 February 2012

BBC: Why do men become Catholic priests?

BBC News online magazine has a post of: Why do men become Catholic priests?

Easy - so they can molest cherubic choir boys.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17127175

Arrests Scandal at Pork Barrel Placements

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, if it wasn’t for scandals and bad luck then perhaps Cabbage Patch Dave and this fatally-flawed, hapless Libservative Coalition (that no fucker or their dog ever voted for) wouldn’t have any.

The gospel according to a report leaked by whistle-blowers to the Snitch & Grassers Gazette reveals that Scameron’s ‘Back to Work’ tsar, the owner of the Pork-Barrel Placements employment agency, Emma ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Harrison CBE – is under investigation for her rumoured involvement in the systemic abuse of taxpayer-funded contracts – which comes in the wake of Mr Plod arresting four of her staff on charges of fraud.

The Fraud Squad raids on the company’s offices came after the Department for Work and Pensions informed the Daily Shitraker it had launched no fewer than nine fraud investigations into the firm over recent years for what they termed ‘incidences of creative accounting’ – with government ministers going into headless chicken hysteria and panic mode last night in a desperate bid to distance themselves from the 48-year-old lard-arsed Harrison – appointed by Posh Dave in 2010 as his personal ‘Family Champion’ on the strength of her absurd boast she could get 120,000 problem families back into work.

Earlier this month the Ripoffs Review revealed that the pudgy Harrison had paid herself an obscene dividend of £8.6 million quid last year after Pork-Barrel Placements billed the government for £180 million despite the dodgy company’s failure to meet the Government’s stipulated targets on sourcing jobs for the unemployed.

Fraud Squad plods carried out dawn raids on the homes of Pork-Barrel Placements staff, with two men and two women questioned on suspicion of cheating taxpayers.
The revelations arising from these arrests marks a major escalation in the crisis over Harrison’s Pork-Barrel Placements which is paid by the Government to help the long-term unemployed find jobs - and prompted fresh calls for the suspension of its contracts since former disgruntled employees turned whistle-blowers snitched the fact that they were ordered by Harrison’s draconian management regime Oberstfuhrers to sign blank timesheets for job hunters on their books even if they’d only been in part-time employment for a day.

Pork-Barrel Placements advisors claim they were placed under relentless pressure to declare they had found the unemployed jobs even if that were not the case as they filled out forms declaring a ‘job outcome’ – and paid £50 bounties each time they placed someone in work – even on paper – with the company receiving £1,900 quid per head in success fees from the Government.

Opposition MPs claim that Harrison’s company, which generates the vast majority of its £180 million turnover from the public purse, had missed many of its targets for putting the long-term jobless into work – with the fraud allegations focusing on the fact of taxpayers’ money being claimed for finding unemployed people a job, even if it was only sweeping up the leaves around the Pork-Barrel Placements agency office car park for a couple of hours.

After Fraud Squad detectives raided the company’s offices at Swindler’s Cross in Smegmashire, Harrison played down ‘the visit’ as little more than a ‘chat over tea and biscuits’ to discuss the fraud probe – with no mention made of the dawn arrests nor the seizing of company records, job placement files and computers until so reported by the Snitch & Grassers Gazette.

Downing Street spokesperson Scabby Bertin today informed gutter press hacks that Harrison’s firm would still be eligible to pitch for contracts to source training placements for jobless youngsters under a scheme launched this week by Deputy PM Mick Clogg.
“Unfortunately and against all common sense and logic, it’s an open tender process - hence under stupid Brussels’ EUSSR equal opportunities statutes even convicted criminals and con’ artists like Mrs ‘Three Chins’ Harrison and her Pork-Barrel Placements agency can bid for the contract and perhaps be in line for a share of the £126 million quid’s worth of payment-by-results contracts being floated to get 50,000 16 and 17-year-olds signed up to Clogg’s silly ‘Jobs 4 Yobs’ scheme."

Conversely and in their own desperate defence, Pork-Barrel Placements has strenuously rejected the whistleblower’s claims that the arrested staff members were simply scapegoats and the real guilty parties were senior managers – with Morton Scrunt, the firm’s CEO, informing the media “Pork Barrel has a zero tolerance policy towards whistle-blowing twats, and any instance of snitching or other stoolie activity is completely unacceptable. We take our job placements very seriously, and are committed to using taxpayers’ money effectively - that’s why Ms Harrison paid herself an £8,500,000 quid dividend as a performance bonus last year.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 23 February 2012

Robert Green aka Prisoner 125799

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Sheriff Principal Edward F. Bowen CBE delivered a tirade from the bench prior to sentencing Robert Green last Friday at the conclusion of the two-year duration vindictive persecution trial for a charge of Breach of the Peace that’s cost the hapless Scottish taxpayers’ some £500,000 quid – plus expenses.

Bowen’s biased public record (and racist) remark – which will prove his downfall, was “No Mr Green, you have had your say” – to Robert’s strong objection to Bowen’s observation that he - as an interfering Sassenach (English/Welshman) - had no business meddling in the affairs of Scotland and trying to tell the Scottish people how to run their crooked justice system – totally ignoring the glaring irony and hypocrisy of his remarks with reflection on the fact that Scotland is the only country on the planet with a registered political party aptly titled: ‘Scotland Against Crooked Lawyers’ – a moral conscience pressure group dedicated to exposing graft and corruption within the COPFS and entire Scottish legal system.

Well, that’s just the point, Mr Bowen – Scotland’s corruption-ridden political and police and justice systems have failed to do anything about the sexual abuse of Hollie Greig and a legion of other children for the past ten years – plus – so it was about time for all good men and true – from whatever corner of our once-sceptred isle – Irish, English or Welsh – to take up the banner and put an end to this Masonic cabal’s paedophile industry – and their silencing and ‘suiciding’ of those that might expose their crimes – to wit Roy Greig – and the last week’s imprisoning of Robert Green.

To quote: “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive” - and Justice’s true course is perverted by a venal cabal of child molesting elitist oligarchs and Freemasons – and their protectors and apologists – the corrupt politicians, lawyers, police and judiciary.

To wit, may this criminal fraternity that have so corrupted the morals and ethics of Scottish Rite Freemasonry yet again (Thomas Watt Hamilton / Dunblane’s Masonic paedo’ pimp) to engage in acts of kiddie fiddling and / or protect the child molesting scum of ‘Scaberdeen’ be cursed and respectively assigned to Dante’s 2nd and 9th Circles of Hell.

Pederasts Anonymous: A partial list of Notoriety.

Alex Salmond - SNP Prime Minister
Elish Angiolini – High Priestess of Caledonian Corruption
Kenny McAskill – Justice Minister (sic)
Sheriff Principal E F Bowen –aka ‘Bent Bowen’
DPF Stephen McGowan
PF Anne Currie

The Milltimber, Bridge of Don, Bieldside and Ferryhill based paedo’ Mafia of Scotland’s crime and kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen.

DENIS MACKIE - Club Fled, Portugal
GREG MACKIE - Club Fled, Portugal
SATANIC HIGH PRIEST BUCKY BUCHANAN
SUSIE BUCHANAN
EVELYN BUCHANAN
JACK BUCHANAN 31, Binghill Road West
TERRY MAJOR (Grampian police officer)
SYLVIA MAJOR (13 Ferryhill Place)
ANN ROYAL (15 Ferryhill Place) AB11 7SE
WINIFRED DRAGAN (72 Ferryhill Road)
DAVID SMITH
GRAEME MACKIE (Bieldside)
GILLIAN MACKIE (Nurse)
EILEEN SIM (Social worker Woodend Crescent))
ROBERT LYND (Partner of Eileen Sim)
HELEN MACDONALD (Social worker, 9 Lochview Place, Bridge of Don)
IAN MACDONALD (Husband of Helen Macdonald)
CAROL LOWLIFE (Nurse, 26 Grant Close, Westhills)
IAN MACDOUGALL (Solicitor)
ATHOLL SNOTT (Accountant)
ANDREW 'MOLLIE' YOUNG (Headmaster, Beechwood ‘Special’ School)

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

HMP ABERDEEN
George Robert Green
Prisoner No 125799
Craiginches,
4 Grampian Place,
Aberdeen
B11 8FN
SCOTLAND

Plod Squad Cutbacks? Not for Abu Qatada

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

New Labour’s child leader Ed Millipede took time off from studying for his 11-plus exams to speak in the House of Conmans yesterday afternoon and tear into the Libservative Coalition’s gross mishandling of the Abu Qatada al-Filistini deportation case.

“Despite the barmy ruling by the European Court that packing this Abu Qatada bloke off back to Jordan - where he’s wanted on terrorism charges – is a breach of his human rights due the fact Amman’s security services will give him a good kicking – might well be the Libservative Coalition’s excuse for releasing him from HMP Long Lartin and letting the radical sod loose around Wembley but it simply isn’t good enough. This man is an Islamic Jihadist hate-mongering cleric and a threat to our national security.”

“Cabbage Patch Dave needs to focus on the human rights and safety of British citizens – not some nasty Muslim scrote who’s never heard of Mr Gillette and had a shave – or a wash by the look of the grungy git. Okay, he might be on a 22 hour curfew but he could also be in his kitchen all day and night, cooking up black pepper and peroxide bombs like Mohammed al Patsy and the other Leeds terrorists didn’t use to blow up the tube trains and the bus on 7/7.”

The gospel according to a report in this morning’s Scaremongers Gazette, Abu Qatada’s release from prison is set to cost Broken Britain’s taxpayers £10,000 quid per week, with a team of up to sixty Plods Squad and MI5 agents now providing 24/7 round-the-clock protection for the man described as Osama bin Laden’s ambassador in Europe since he returned to his family’s secret London address (69, Scumbag Crescent, Wembley) – which is costing £1,900 a month in housing benefit.

Under the terms of his release, Abu Qatada, founder of the Jordanian Halitosis Society, must abide by a 22-hour curfew, wear an electronic tag and is banned from using the internet or telephone or being in possession of cocoa cans and lengths of string – or keeping carrier pigeons or sending smoke signals from his back garden.

While Labour’s Ed Millipede might be spitting the dummy for reasons of political posturing this certainly is not the case down in Wembley where 96-year old Mrs Agnes Titwank informed one press hack from the Jihadists Gazette “It’s all a pile of effin’ crap – we’ve got these yobsters from the Scally Alley housin’ estate comin’ round here wiv their anti-social behaviour attitudes an’ chuckin’ shit at yer windows an’ kickin’ me cat an’ yer call up the effin’ plods on 999 an’ they sez they’re too effin’ busy round the corner at Mr Abu Qatada’s place on Scumbag Crescent guardin’ him an’ his family from the EDL an’ BNP assassins.”

“Bollocks ter the grungy twat I sez - sod him an’ deport him back ter effin’ Jordan an’ if he gets tortured, well tough shit. Just get shut of the prick – let him go and hate someone else’s democratic freedoms.”

Thought for the day: Hmmm, what irony and hypocrisy that while this venomous scrote can’t be deported as such might breach his human rights, British citizens can be stuck on extraordinary rendition flights from the UK to the Great Satan any day of the week – with appeals for trial and imprisonment at home falling on deaf ears – with Garry McKinnon in mind (amongst others) who faces a lengthy jail term in one of the good ole US of A’s sodomite paradises for making a fool of the NASA and CIA computer security systems by hacking into their UFO files.

To misquote Dicken’s Mr. Bumble: “If that sir is the law, then the law is an ass!”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 22 February 2012

Vague Beats ZioNazi War Drums

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

UK Foreign Secretary William Vague, wholly ignoring his oath of office – ‘Britain first afore all others’ - has done his usual ‘Israel Ãœeber Alles’ trick while being interviewed by Andrew ‘Bat Ears’ Marr on the Biased Broadcasting Corp’s ‘Black Propaganda Hour’ programme, warning of Iran's increasing hostility towards the illegal, outlaw state of Israel and the Great Satan - and their hatred of the West’s ‘democratic freedoms’.

Vague cited the recent Wiley T. Coyote scheme blamed on Iran to assassinate the Saudi ambassador to Washington (for no reason) by hiring a Mexican drug gang – El Beaners – to carry out the hit. He also drew timely attentions to Tehran’s alleged involvement in last week’s ‘car bomb’ style false flag terrorist attacks in New Delhi, Georgia and Bangkok - carried out by Mossad agents – which have even inspired a bunch of speculative rumours that such might well be payback by Tehran’s Republican Guard ‘Ninja Squad’ for the Israelis snuffing a stream of their nuclear scientists by attaching magnetic bombs to the sides of their cars while in traffic.

“Really, you people should be paying attention to this and not switching channels to see what’s on HBO – if we go to war with them and they win, you’ll be living under Sharia law. What’s more, if Iran develops nuclear weapons then they’ll upset Baron Rothshite’s Protocols schedule and the greater scheme of things and that could be an end to Israel’s military hegemony in the Mid-East region if the Mad Mullahs have nukes as well – then we’ll have a sodding arms race and another Cold War – even if it is very hot over there.”

“This is why we’re planning on further sanctions to force Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadashell to call a halt to their uranium enrichment programme. So to achieve this end every branch of Achmed’s Chelow Kebab take-away’s will be closed down – from Cornwall to Newcastle. Next, we’re not going to be importing any more Persian carpets or baklava or Karakul lamb’s wool or those nice warm Astrakhan coats – and no more sodding crude oil either after July and the Olympics are finally over and done with.”

Meanwhile in a surprise but ironically fitting response to the panic-mongering Vague’s ultimatum – and too a clutch of like threats from EU nations that displayed the brazen hubris - the unqualified arrogance - to believe they’re actually calling the shots and would cease buying oil from Iran as of July - the Islamic Republic has announced they’ve decided to pre-empt the threat by cutting off the supply to these same bullies forthwith and sell to a new batch of needful customers who don’t conspire to covet their lands and natural resources.

Ouch – sort that one out Mr Vague, as up goes the price of every fucking thing and really makes an even bigger bollocks of the devastated European economy.
But here we have yet another blue-nosed Conservative who, alike his Zionist stooge fellow travellers tows the Rothshite crime syndicate line – a ‘Friends of Israel’ Club member since he joined the Tory Party and a career apologist for the rogue pariah state.

A kikester propaganda merchant who lobbied for the Universal Jurisdiction arrest warrant laws to be amended so Israeli war criminals like his spank-eyed kissing cousin Tipzi Livid could visit Britain without fear of being handcuffed for her part in ordering the 2008 / 2009 Operation Kill Every Fucker military attack by the IDF on the Palestinian civilian population of the besieged Gaza Strip that snuffed 2,500 non-combatant women and children – plus dusted the entire enclave with depleted uranium and other toxic nasties during its despicable 22-day duration – the stuff that should be tried before a reassembled Nuremberg War Crime Tribunal for the Israelis’ genocidal human rights and wrongs abuses.

Oh yes, let’s put the boot into Mr Vague while the opportunity presents itself and expose the tosser as a person who was once influenced by the ‘compassionate conservatism’ of George Dubya Bush.
Que? WTF? Was this before he was snapped reading the goat book up-side-down while Mossad’s Hi-Fivers nuked the shit out of the Twin Towers and murdered some 4,000 American citizens in a false flag terrorist attack that was planned and then used to initiate the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq?

So, this is our man Vague - a closet case frog who once dreamed of being a toad – (until being informed he was about as popular as chemotherapy and wasn’t up to the job of Tory Party leadership) – who would now spread a wave of pro-Zionist propaganda that we’re all targeted by Iran’s weapons of mass distraction – which they can launch within a 45 minute window and rain death and destruction – ( well, mass hysteria, anyways) - down on the forthcoming Olympics with their Scaremonger and Paranoia II missiles.

Conversely, and here more to the point – leaving Vague’s desperate slandering bids and fatally-flawed rhetoric and logic aside, if the Israelis don’t kick start their scheduled pre-emptive attacks on Iran this April, then watch out for a series of false flag terrorist attacks on London during the Diamond Jubilee celebrations – or Wimbledon - or the Olympic Games fortnight.

Here we’ll have Mohammed al Patsy caught with a street map of London bought from the Tehran branch of WH Smiths – with more tube trains blasted apart from below and double decker bus roofs blown off with those insidious sub-nuclear black pepper and peroxide bombs blended in some Slumborough Hamlets bedsit kitchen.
Doubtless Mr al Patsy and his cohorts will meet a classical stooges end alike the 7/7 bombers before them – at Canary Wharf – or during their payoff up in the David Kelly Memorial Woods.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Jobs 4 Yobs NEETs Scheme Slammed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a fatally-flawed project launched on the initiative of the Lib-Dum leader and Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg, commercial corporations with a bent for self-harm and felo-de-se - or simply bankruptcy - are being sought by the Libservative Coalition to sign up for a payment-by-results scheme in an attempt to force naughty, numbskull NEET teenagers into work or training.

The £126 zillion quid Jobs 4 Yobs scheme is aimed at 55,000 teenagers in England with poor to zero academic qualifications who are currently not in education or employment - or studying for an NVQ 1 diploma in Welfare Benefit Fraud.

However, while Mick Clogg optimistically informed the Scallies Gazette that his project would help get youngsters ‘into the world of work’ - the critics – and they are legion – are of a different opinion.

Candida Mingerot, director of the DUM-TWAT teachers' union, accused Clogg of being responsible for an increase in NEETs by scrapping the Education Maintenance Allowance and sanctioning the higher education tuition fee hikes imposed by greedy, grasping universities.

New Labour leader Ed Millipede went one further and informed a gaggle of House of Conmans press hacks that Clogg’s project was "Too small and much too fucking late – Tony Bliar and Gordon should have kick started this one years ago instead of wasting time invading Iraq and knocking off whingeing MoD weapons inspectors – and pulling the 7/7 false flag terrorist attacks just to get the Muslims into trouble – then we might just have a modicum of credibility left and still be in power".

To this statement Clogg responded by spitting the dummy and described the problem of rising youth unemployment as a ticking time bomb.
“Millipede’s an all-round fuckwit, as these kids are sitting at home or lounging around some bus shelter with a bunch of their Bolshie mates with nothing to do but read the Anarchist Gazette and plot the overthrown of officialdom's status quo – and believe you me, this type of shit can turn kids into a right bunch of evil radicals ready to storm the Bastille.”

”Just look what happen in France back in 1789 when they only had cake to eat – then again in Russia in 1917 when the Tsar’s family ate all the cake and the 99% peasants didn’t even get any crumbs: violent and bloody revolutions that overthrew the established pecking order and made things a damn sight worse than they were before.”

"We urgently need to step up efforts to ensure these troubled teenagers have the skills, confidence and opportunities to succeed in life and get their lazy arses off the sink or swim housing estates. Plus many of them have complex personal and social issues to deal with – such as galloping acne, truancy addiction, teenage pregnancy – and a total lack of brain cells."

Meanwhile, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith branded critics of the government's Jobs 4 Yobs scheme, which offers unpaid work placements in stores such as the Pestco supermarket chain or Pound Stretcher stores for teens who’ve been unemployed for more than three months, as a bunch of "job snobs".

"The implicit message behind these pathetic attacks by New Labour is that accepting employment in retail, such as those with our Greedy Grocer supermarkets or on the High Street, are not real jobs that worthwhile people do – and that’s very insulting and demeaning of the millions of peasants who are stuck in this type of dead-end job already.”

"I doubt I'm the only person who thinks the shelf-stackers in Poundland and Asda add more value to our society than many of these New Labour job snobs who are pontificating about our Libservative employment policies."

Conversely, Bev Titwank, a sixteen year old mother of three from Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill council estate who is currently taking an internet University of Life PhD course in Urban Survival Techniques told a press hack from the Tosspots Review that “Clogg’s so full of shit. Wot we need ter generate job opportunities is ter get our arses out of this EUSSR fubar an’ tell Brussels ter fuck off eat shit an’ die – then kick out all these effin’ swan-roastin’ Albanian pikeys and Polacks wot’s comin’ over here wiv bent trade certificates an’ bullshit forged qualifications from the Cracow Institute for Advanced DIY an’ then they go impersonatin’ plumbers an’ plasterers and what-have-yer.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 21 February 2012

Greedy Grocers Pushing Slave Labour

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Three score and ten Met Plod Squad officers were mustered for duty on Saturday - with a guarantee of cash-in-hand overtime pay - to resolve a sit-down demo’ crisis when a gang of Bolshie unemployed protesters forced the closure of a Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket chain store in central London.

The massed ranks of an aggravated proletariat were out in force and vented their ire with the Libservative Coalition’s mishandling of Broken Britain’s disastrous unemployment situation by squatting on the check-out counters and the Deli’ section’s bacon slicer at the Portcullis House branch of a Pestco Express on the City’s Eye of a Needle Street.

The demonstration, led by Right to Work activists Ms. Twatcha N’kunta and her common law partner Mr Wormhole Chuckabutty, was sparked by a Jobcentre website advert for night-shift workers at Pestco stores in exchange for bus fares and their continued jobseeker's allowance – which supermarket bosses were quick to claim was a mistake made through an IT error as it wasn’t their intention for it to be publicly broadcast they intend to replace full-time workers with slave labour.

Conversely, according to Right to Work’s Ms N’kunta, the vacancies were advertised as work experience placements with a guaranteed job interview at the end of the compulsory eight weeks work period - as mandated under the government's sector-based work academy scheme - which is directly linked to the payment – or non-payment - of benefits.

Speaking to one press hack from the Bastille Stormers Gazette, Mr Chuckabutty commented that: "Jobcentre whistleblowers have leaked records that over the past four months some 1,400 people have worked for Pestco without pay for eight weeks so they wouldn’t lose their benefits an’ only 30 got a job interview with the company – an’ none got employed.”

Ms N’kunta added “Wot we got is de same situation wiv Pestco as wiv Pukesburys an dat other up-market bunch of scumbags Mammon & Snobford. Den ya got Waterstones de book store on dis scheme as well – an’ dem other shitbags wot owns Matalan - dat cut-price redneck clothing store wot specialises in sweatshop ‘Pikey-Wear’.”

“All dese bastards is profiting greatly from de diabolical economic practices of usurious capitalism dat’s de control mechanism of de social pecking order.”
“Dese am still de same exploitive shits wot shipped us across de Atlantic from Africa ta de West Indies in shackles an’ chains ta work in de sugar fields an’ banana plantations for fuck all. Jest rememba dis - we wozn't 'volunteers' - we woz slaves. Now even if slavery woz abolished dey want us ta do de same for dese Greedy Grocer supermarkets too. So wot de fuck’s next – wearing shackles again – an’ whips an’ chains?”

The Cheesy Crust Church of Latter Day Luddites ‘High Priestess’, Rev. Slagella Titwank was on hand as always to add her two-penneth of cavetas and condemnation, proffering an opinion of: “Twatcha’s spot on and the truth remains that this pisspot Libservative Coalition led by tossers like Scameron and Clogg haven’t the slightest idea how to solve the unemployment crisis. No manifesto, no plan and no clue – and forget the Jobcentre quango numbers – we have nigh on seven million people unemployed or working bare minimum part-time hours - and this lot’s being coerced into searching for full-time jobs that simply do not exist.”

“The Tory government is slashing jobs and then punishing the jobless. Hence to qualify for benefits we have reached a state of neo-serfdom where the hapless unemployed will be forced – en mass - into unpaid ‘volunteer’ work to boost profits for big business – as per Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron’s Big Society – we’re all up shit creek together - Let’s Get Britain Working project. That’s his answer to this chronic unemployment crisis that his Tory predecessor Slaggie Thatcher caused when she chose to get a cob on with the unions and de-industrialise Britain – to achieve its current ‘broken’ state of calamity.”

“Just look at how fucked up this government is – in a week that has seen UK unemployment shoot up yet again at a geometric rate, the word’s been leaked to Snitch & Grassers magazine by House of Conmans insiders that up to 20,000 jobs are to be created inside prisons in England and Wales – with the lags getting paid below the minimum wage. Now that’s bullshit as we expect to see fresh job opportunity investments creating new jobs for hard working, honest folks – not a bunch of criminals and convicts.”

“But that’s what Scameron and Co want isn’t it – their sole purpose of being – to sow dissention and get the public’s backs up to incite violent responses so it forwards the Rothshite’s panopticon Big Brother / New World Order agenda to impose total control over what they view as oppositional defiance disorder - cos asking awkward questions and telling the truth become revolutionary acts.”

“What they’re after is the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional society – with the wholesale disruption of the traditional British way of life and culture topping their agenda to drag us further into the EUSSR and a state of total ‘indigenised’ federalisation with the rest of poxy Europe.”
“Then it will be the same as the US – British versions of the Violent Radicalization & Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act and their National Defence Authorization Act that tosses habeas corpus out of the window and they can lock you up indefinitely in one of their FEMA style ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ concentration camps in the bloody Pennines.”

“So that’s what we’re faced with - massive unemployment, low-wage jobs, sky-high debts owed to shifty Shylock banks, and aimless credit card consumerism ripe for exploitation. While there is no such thing as ‘conventional political wisdom’ there does exist, and all too frequently displayed, is ‘conventional political stupidity’. Really, just imagine the implications for freedom if we here in the UK used our numerical potential to say ‘NO FUCKING MORE!’ to the system and ceased to cooperate with our own enslavement. Oh yes, from little Anarchists, great Revolutions grow!”

“Just wait, the Day of the Rope is getting closer – then we’ll have our reckoning with these so-called politicians – and the usurious banksters bosses – and the scumbag doctors and Big Pharma lobbyists who dare mandate that our children get poisoned with their toxic vaccinations and doped up with Ritalin simply because they’re hyperactive which the medical profession’s been coerced into diagnosing as a comorbid condition.
“Then they’re attempting to force the Codex Alimentarius down our necks – along with fluoridation of our drinking water and poisoning kid’s candy and soft drinks with synthetic neuro-toxin sweeteners like aspartame – which gives kids the ADHD symptoms in the first place.”

Pukesbury's and Waterstones, since having bricks and petrol bombs lobbed through their store windows, now claim they’ve opted out of the Tories’ loathsome scheme, which requires people to work for nothing for an employer for up to eight weeks – just to get an idea of what ‘slavery’ entails.

Thought for the day. History marks well the flawed foundations of the capitalist system.
To quote from Hewlett Johnson – the Red Dean of Canterbury’s text ‘The Socialist Sixth of the World’: “Real freedom demands provision of opportunity for all – but such freedom cannot flourish in a land in which the overwhelming mass of people lack adequately paid work and ample leisure to enjoy its fruits; and where half the population are underfed and lack freedom of opportunity with respect to education, choice of a profession, provision of health, and insurance against old age and the accidents of life”.

Ouch, that pretty well sums up Broken Britain and the EUSSR.

Johnson, the preacher, in his jeremiad, further observed there was a denial of creative living – and hence the development and realisation of man’s inherent spirituality.
While Communism was the worst concept for disaster since trench warfare, neither is Socialism the name of Utopia on the lips of all budding anarchists - and Capitalism remains the bane of the 99% - which has divided rather than united people due the corrupt system treating workers as no more than cogs in the capitalist machine.

Those who laboured in factories and on the land were regarded as no more than ‘human resources’ – useful only in the creation of profit and wealth – for their elitist masters. Treated as nothing more than commodities, their humanity was thus violated, their spiritual well-being ignored, and their cultural potential so crushed – thus mankind was purposely and with malice aforethought deprived of the opportunity to access that essence of the Divine that lies deep within us all - the God particle – our immortal and all-knowing soul - hence we have failed to thrive as full and complete human beings.

Human resources – that’s ‘us’ - therein is the give-away of today’s cruel world – no more ‘Personnel Department’ – now we have a ‘Human Resources Manager’ – and a ‘Compliance Director’ – to ensure the cattle follow instructions to the letter and do as they’re told.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Greedster MEPs Demand Pay Raise

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

As the EUSSR’s 17 member ‘eurozone’ teeters on the brink of utter catastrophic insolvency along with the remaining 10 non-euro states - and Broken Britain’s Libservative Coalition government – that no fucker or their dog ever voted for - push their draconic budget cuts and austerity measures over the very edge of the revolutionary abyss to kick start a violent wave of havoc and chaos of Biblical proportions, Brussels based MEPs have given a whole new definition to the term ‘greed’ - sparking a firestorm of outrage by demanding pay rises of 3% on top of their £82,915 quid per year bloated salaries – not forgetting their extra rake-in of an obscene £360,000 in annual expenses.

The EUSSR’s 754 vulgarian MPs voted through the increase of 3% during a debate on next year’s budget in Strasbourg – using the flawed rhetoric for justifying the increase being due the fact of Croatia joining the Union in 2013 to become the 28th EUSSR Federation state.
Que? WTF? Croatia? Has that Third World pikey dump got roads, running water and electricity now – and a viable economy that doesn’t require bailing out with mega-euro IMF injections every five minutes?

So we have Greece ready to default, go totally tits up and revert back to the dodgy drachma – with Italy, Portugal, Spain and Eire also in dire straits as far as the contents of their national piggy banks are concerned – yet the MEPs infesting the Brussels and Strasbourg graft and corruption-ridden Parliaments want a pay raise.
Personally we’d apply a spot of Babylonian Law and have the fucking lot on jobseekers allowance - £60-odd quid a week. If the unemployed are supposed to manage on that then so can they. Same with the House of Conmans MPs and that doss house next door – the Lords. Point is though, if that were the case, then no fucker would want the job – apart from a bunch of Polacks or Albanian pikeys – or beached Somali pirates.

If this ‘inflation offset’ salary increase is ratified next month it will result in each of the EUSSR’s MPs costing the taxpayer a staggering £2 million quid apiece – an amount that banksters and accountants commonly refer to as ‘lots and lots of effin’ money’.
More to the point, this budget increase will see MEPs pocketing not only an extra £2,500 in pay per month but also a boost in lucrative expenses and gold-plated pension entitlements – and slap an extra £45 million nicker per annum to the hugely inflated parliamentary budget.

To wit, the increase would bring the total cost of feeding and stabling the bloated number of 754 MEPs and their hangers-on to a staggering £1.55 billion quid a year.

Thought for the day: Hmmm, Nero fiddled as Rome burned – yet in this case it’s Brussels’ ‘fiddling’ that has caused the eurozone to burn.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 19 February 2012

Bent Met’ Plods Investigate Selves

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to an article in Friday’s edition of the Graft & Corruption Gazette reveals that Scotland Yard’s ‘Operation Scumbag’ investigation into alleged illegal payments by the red top tabloid Sun’s gutter press journalists to their very own Plod Squad officers - and too an assortment of other bent public officials – has discovered evidence that certain ranking plods received more than £10,000 quid per year apiece in snitch retainer fees.

Hmmm, anyone smell a rat here? Scotland Yard – dominated by a cabal of venal top echelon Freemasons – and we have this elitist Brotherhood comprised of villains investigating themselves. Thus with a gang of uniformed career criminals scrutinising acts of improbity committed by their cohorts there’s more chance of shoving chilli paste up a Tasmanian Tantrum Devil’s arse with a popsicle than justice ever running its true course.

A report in this week’s Palm-Greasers Review supports claims it has been standard practice since the days of Harold ‘Red Mole’ Wilson’s Labour government for news hacks to bribe the Met’s Plod Squad and career civil service officers – including dodgy House of Conmans MPs – for inside information concerning anything that had a stench of scandal about it and would sell papers.

Apparently even back in the halcyon baby-booming CCTV-free days of the 1960’s, Wilson’s dominatrix-secretary Marcia ‘Piranha Teeth’ Williams – aka Lady Forkbender – would hold regular Friday night auctions in the Downing Street’s BD/SM themed cellars to flog off tranches of juicy information and State secrets to a mix of shifty Soviet agents and salivating Fleet Street editors.

Following a series of dawn raids earlier this week - staged on the strength of information supplied by News Corp's very own Inquisition (the dreaded scalp-hunting Management and Standards Committee) to the Met’s Operation Scumbag – which resulted in the arrest and bailing of nine current and former Sun journalists, eight police officers, seven MoD employees, six Shitehall civil servants, five House of Conmans dogsbodies, four armed forces personnel, three London Council jobsworths, two Buck’s Palace Dragoon Guard rent boys and a partridge in a pear tree - all in relation to charges of making illegal payments to public officials and / or flogging off national security secrets to the highest bidder.

These latest arrests of Sun journalists has led to near mutiny at News International's Wapping HQ, with tired and over-emotional editorial staff and hacks downing pencils and going off to the nearest boozer after succumbing to a mass paranoia attack - declaring to anyone prepared to listen to their whingeing that they felt angry and betrayed – accusing the MSC’s chief Inquisitor, former Smellygraph editor Will Lewis, of throwing them to the wolves.

From an irony point of view regarding Lewis’s inclusion on the MSC board – formed back in July last year by His Imperial Ruthlessness, Rupert ‘Wrinkles’ Mudrock to salvage whatever little credibility his shit-raking news empire ever possessed - Lewis was the journalist responsible for making the May 2009 decision to pay £150,000 quid in used £20 notes for the purloined MPs’ expenses data to a mysterious ‘intermediary’ – who may well have been a state employee (Toxic Tessie Trollenberg of the House of Conmans accounts office) - and who ‘presumably’ passed the cash on to the unnamed real source (Ms Glenda Twatt, New Labour’s MP for East Backstabbers).

Hmmm, now there’s the vital ingredient - a piquant dollop of hypocrisy added to the mix when selecting the rank and file of News Corp’s Management and Standards Committee – with Lewis guilty of an act of criminality undertaken for the sole reason the MP’s fiddled expense claims were of significant public interest.

A pause for thought: Everyone’s favourite arch-vulgarian, HRH Prince Rupert of Mudrock, since manifesting his festering presence at the Sun’s Wapping HQ last week, has now announced he’s set to launch a replacement to the disgraced Screws of the World with a Sunday edition of the Sun – rumoured to be titled the ‘Sunday Scum’ or ‘Sunday Shitraker’ – a vital commodity to enhance the back of every household’s toilet door.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 18 February 2012

Government to Blame for Binge Drinking

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Libservative Coalition Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, is set to call for Broken Britain’s bars, supermarkets and the booze industry in general to make a greater contribution towards fostering a culture of ‘responsible drinking’ – if such a term doesn’t automatically qualify for the label of ‘oxymoronic’.

During a photo-op’ visit to a mortuary in north-east England, Scameron swore on the deceased body of a frost-bitten homeless alkie known only as ‘Jed’ to tackle the scandal of drunkenness and alcohol abuse that is purported to be costing the National Ill-Health Service an excess of £2.7 zillion quid per annum.
This he intends to implement by setting up chains of US-style drunk tanks to incarcerate piss-head scallies and other assorted boozed-up gobshites overnight while they sleep off the effects of their indulgences, prevented from vandalising their local township’s geranium planters and hanging baskets – and beating the shit out of officious PCSO’s and Community Support Officers and any other power-mad uniform fetishists who attempt to censure their anti-social misbehaviour.

“You know, nobody likes a pint or two of Topless Totty real beer in Westminster’s Dog Wankers Bar after a hard day debating in the House of Conmans more than I do – but we chaps don’t get into binge drinking mode and overdo it and go off half-cocked and start vandalising the 99% Occupy tents outside St Pauls once we’ve supped a few jars – mainly due the fact we have a chauffeured limo’ standing by to take us home.”
“What I want to see is a reduction at brewery level in the ABV rate – down to a sensible 2% – not like the 7% of these Bitch Thumper and Old Headbanger lagers and that dreadful Scally Alley Asbo Ale – and the other Meths Breezer drinks these Neds and NEETs drink by the gallon with Red Bull chasers.”

“Moreover we want a legislated bottom line price on alcohol so youngsters and the gamut of other Bolshie peasants and anarchist types can’t afford to go on 24/7 benders and get pissed out of their tiny brains - then start writing anti-government graffiti on the Town Hall fence – and the bloody Internet’s social network pages – like Twatter and Facbook.”
“If we have the minimum pricing set at £10 quid a pint then these trouble-makers would need to be on the equivalent of an MP’s salary to be able to afford to get shit-faced – and that’s never going to happen while I’m in Downing Street.”

However, from a contradictory point of view, Jacko McSkanger, a time-served barrack room lawyer and founder of the Kunt-Watch government abuse watchdog charity – plus being a credible expert with impeccable credentials where alcoholism is concerned (hic) - opined to one press hack from the Bullshit Gazette that “Cabbage Patch Dave’s more full of crap than a Christmas goose.”

“Really, wot the fuck do the Tories expect the proletariat ter do wiv themselves an’ still retain some effin’ modicum of sanity? Of course they go down the boozer an’ get pissed outa their bored an’ depressed skulls cos life’s a pile of shite.”

“This pathetic excuse of a coalition government - wot no fucker or their dog voted for an’ yet nevertheless we get landed wiv - they rabbit on about a so-called recession wot’s caused the economic collapse an’ all this unemployment an’ budgets cuts an’ austerity measures. But let’s get the effin’ facts right – it’s a flat-out Depression wiv a big capital D - an’ it’s gonna get a lot fuckin’ worse before it gets any better – if ever – cos it’s doubtful if any part of it’s salvageable even if we tell the corruption-ridden EUSSR ter stick it an’ cut loose from Brussels domination.”

“So in all reality – an’ forget the Jobcentre quango numbers – yer have nigh on seven million people unemployed or workin’ bare minimum part-time hours - an’ this lot’s lookin’ fer full-time jobs wot don’t exist – so they say bollocks ter it an’ go fer a few pints or grab a bottle of first malt Meths from B & Q or Halford’s Finest anti-freeze an’ get plastered wonderin’ how Britain got so broke an’ more fucked up than a soup sandwich when we had an effin’ Empire the sun never set on - an’ furthermore we woz the blokes an’ engineers wot kick started the Industrial Revolution.”

“Now these people’s livin’ on canal banks an’ landfill sites an’ drawin’ next ter sweet eff all in welfare benefits - wiv no hope of mendin’ Broken Britain in sight while we have this fuck-up of a Libservative Coalition government in office – an’ even less chance if New Labour make a comeback under Ed Millipede. So self-esteem an’ confidence have gone outa the window – thus wot else is there ter do but go out an’ get as pissed as a rat.”

“This is wot the government wants anyway - the creation an’ maintenance of a dysfunctional society. That’s why they’re makin’ a total fuck of the National Health Service. Believe it, the wholesale disruption of British society’s on the agenda. Just listen ter Scameron’s rhetoric versus reality twaddle about multi-culturalism an’ his Big Society wot’s diametrically opposed ter the good of the country."
"He’s pushin’ this New World Order agenda wot’s out ter devastate the four pillars of our human identity - Race, Religion, Family an’ Nation – an’ the unemployment an’ local government budget cuts an’ binge drinkin’ problems is bein’ generated purposely an’ wiv malice aforethought cos this is wot the effin’ government want ter create – a dysfunctional society – then impose the full Monty of their Kafkaesque Big Brother panopticon state.”

“So yer don’t need the facilities of subjunctive retrospect an’ 20/20 hindsight ter recognise the general mood in our once sceptred isle is on the downbeat side as we reach a state of neo-serfdom where the unemployed will be forced – en mass - inter unpaid ‘volunteer’ work – hence my advice is go on an’ have a few bevies an’ get pissed cos it sure as fuck beats suicide an’ snuffin yerself.”

Meanwhile, on the bonkers fringe we have Prince Chazzer, the Plant Whisperer, coming up with his own Baldwinesque cunning 'Jobs 4 Yobs' scheme to get the nation’s youth off their arses and into work.

Speaking to one reporter from the Pantomime Gazette yesterday, Chazzer, accompanied by his chain-smoking troll of a wife Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole, spoke of the importance of investing in the future, as he launched a Prince's Trust initiative to recruit 300 young people to be ‘Job Ambassadors’ for the record high of 1:4 zillion (22.2%) of 16 to 24-year-olds who’ve never had a job and probably know what one was if it fell on them – and, chances are, probably don’t want one.

Hmmm, a Spartanesque force of a somewhat significant 300 teenage Job Ambassadors – diplomats to the unemployed - why does that bear the Orwellian ring of snitches and grassers?

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 17 February 2012

UK’s Dept for Transport Goes Ga-Ga

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what has got to constitute the most stupid suggestion to be put before Parliament since the last stupid suggestion, MPs have been urged to consider an insane French scheme that permits cyclists to legally speed through traffic lights on red - wait for it - in an attempt to keep them ‘safe’.

Safe – WTF - Russian roulette with bicycles versus cars and trucks? Really, who the fuck does officialdom have thinking up these snafu schemes - Wiley T. Coyote or Wallace and Gromit? The think tank at Camberwick Green? Fraggle Rock’s Institute for Advanced Guesswork?

According to the House of Conmans Hansard record, a numpty Aussie peer going by the name of Baroness ‘Trixie’ Gardner of Parkes – dental advisor to the Lords Halitosis Society, no less - urged MPs to consider a pilot scheme which has just been approved in Paris by France’s midget President, Nicolas Sarkozy.

The dingbat Tory peer suggested more women were killed than men by moronic lorry drivers turning left at road junctions due the fact they wait at the red lights - whereas testosterone-fuelled blokes go pedalling full steam through them – and are obviously immune to the negative collision effects of traffic coming across the ‘green lights’ at 90 degrees to their ‘all forward and trust in the Lord’ straight ahead route.

After receiving the nod from their dwarf leader, councillors in Paris this week agreed to allow cyclists to turn left or right or go straight ahead at T-junctions, no matter what colour the lights were – green, amber or red for ‘danger’ - in a pilot scheme designed to compare how many get maimed or killed by playing ‘dodgems’ with the opposing traffic flow.

UK Transport Minister, Lord John ‘call me Earl’ Attlee, another dog wanker like grandfather Clement, with his finger nowhere near the pulse of what’s going on in the highways safety department, admitted to press hacks that he’d never heard of the pilot scheme.

Atlee went on to state that while the DfT were aware of the hypothesis that more women were killed or seriously injured on bikes than men, accident figures were mercifully low - but unfortunately increasing due the ‘couldn’t give a flying fuck’ attitude of white van drivers and the convoys of left-hand steer pantechnicons swamping the UK’s roads with some stoned Turkish twat in a fez behind the wheel.

“We did mull over extending the width of pavements and creating a nation-wide system of cycle lanes that ran parallel with the pedestrian footpaths – and thus insular from the roads – whereby cyclists would be tasked with obeying the pedestrian crossing system lights and thus guarantee safety – as long as they played by the rules.”
“However that scheme got ditched under the Tories austerity measures back in 2010 as likely to cost too much – especially when the numbers of cyclists getting side-swiped on a daily basis was keeping the NHS in work – and boosting the undertaking industry’s income.”

"Further, it's difficult to formulate policy or to make effective regulations when the cyclists simply toss horn-honking motorists a digitus impudicus and peddle on regardless.”

Thought for the day: Anyone considered the logical, common sense approach - getting cyclists to obey the Highway Code – and educate moronic truck drivers to look in their oversized wing mirrors before taking a hard left and squashing hapless cyclists under their rear wheels?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 16 February 2012

Iran Fingered for Payback Car Bombings

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Bobo Nuttyahoo, PM of the rogue state of Israeli, took time off from a hectic schedule of organising the theft of Palestine’s West Bank lands to announce for the public record that Iranian agents are to blame for the ‘terrorist’ bombings that have been staged in Georgia, India and Thailand against Israeli diplomatic missions and their personnel.

Ironically ignoring the fact that the outlaw apartheid state was founded via the route of terrorism, Nuttyahoo, an arch-Jobotinskyist with severe crediibility problems outside of his own ZioNazi sphere of influence, resorted to an anti-Islamic diatribe composed of his customary mix of chutzpah, hasbara and hudaibiya – informing one press hack from the False Flag Gazette that "Iran is behind these attacks – they are the biggest exporters of terror in the known Universe. We, a peace-loving nation, are the victims yet again - surrounded by anti-Semitic enemies and Holohoax deniers. We know the attacks are the work of Tehran’s Mad Mullahs and their global Jolly Jihad terrorist proxies – Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Samaritans and the Salvation Army.”

In response, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadashell, following his speech to the Majlis Committee on National Security & Foreign Policy, told the Pound of Flesh Review “No so – this is the work of the Great Satan and Israel and their manky Mossad or the Sayeret Matkal. The Zionist regime is spearheading a psychological warfare campaign against our Islamic Republic to justify an armed attack and advance the Rothshite crime syndicate’s Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion global conquest agenda – what they have lately come to rename their insidious New World Order – and achieve total US / Israeli military hegemony over the region.”

“Now the Great Satan and their ZioNazi cohorts cannot halt our nuclear programme with their Stutnex virus, these scumbags would harm themselves, their own people – to make us look bad and point the finger of responsibility at our door – and so isolate us on the global stage as pariahs.”
“By this they would create some excuse to invade Iran and seize our oil fields and the Bushehr nuclear reactor now that it is capable of producing ten kilos of enriched kryptonite every month - which we will use to defeat Captain America and Superman and anyone else the Hollywood kikesters would send to do our nation harm.”

Conversely, Thailand's National Security Council chief, General Flip Flop Fong, yet another corrupt stooge on the Zionist payroll, informed media hacks that four people, all of whom look a bit Iranian-ish, are suspected of being connected to explosions in Bangkok – and have possible links to blasts targeting Israeli diplomats in India and Georgia.

Yeah, right – and here we must ask what’s the difference between the Thai Plod Squad and an organised crime syndicate? Absolutely none.

The incumbent Thai Prime Minister, Ms Yingyang Shitawaterrat, winner of Hustler’s 2011 ‘Tasty Political Totty’ competition, told a reporter from ‘Asian MILF’ magazine that two suspects were being held in the Thai capital while a third man was arrested in Malaysia – and a fourth female suspect remains at large.

Yingyang, sister of the political fugitive Foreskin Shitawaterrat - wanted in Thailand and sentenced in absentia on charges of graft and corruption (and being an all-round cunt) announced that one of the terrorists, Mohammed al Patsy, had admitted after a brief torture session to being Iranian – a fact confirmed by Israeli intelligence agents - even though he is unable to speak nor read Farsi and was travelling on cloned British passport – an old Mossad stooge favourite.

According to the Thai immigration chief Lt Gen Baboon Buttplug, the third suspect, Shaheed al Ka-Boom, managed to bribe his way through airport security and board a flight for Kuala Lumpur on Tuesday night.

Not wishing to miss out on a spot of self-promotion and media limelight, Georgian President Mikheil Sackashit also spoke to reporters by phone, confirming that the explosive device found attached to an Israeli diplomat’s car in Tbilisi earlier this week bore all the hallmarks of a Republican Guard bomb – specifically due the conspicuous fact it had a ‘Made in Iran’ label stuck to it.

Across in the Third World landfill site known as the Indian sub-continent, the only place on Earth – so far – to have maintained ‘apartheid’ at a level that South Africa, in it’s Boer heyday, could ever have dreamed of - Commissioner Wormhole Jaffacake, the police chief of smelly Delhi, commented that the bomb slapped onto the rear door of an Israeli embassy worker’s car by a motor cycle-borne pillion rider on Monday bore the classic fingerprint of the Israeli explosive devices mounted on a magnetic base which were stuck on the sides of Iranian nuclear scientists’ vehicles in the same manner by Mossad’s ‘9/11 Hi-Fiver Team’ agents – opining to the media that “Perhaps this is payback by the Iranians for the Israelis assassinating their boffins.”

(Hmmm, how coincidental that Mossad chief Tamir Pardo was in Delhi ‘on business’ the day before the bomb attack)

However, the gospel according to Western intelligence whistle-blowers claims that the propaganda stream targeting Iran besides, the truth behind the supposed anti-Israeli bombings bears the amateurish hallmarks of Mossad’s Kidon Meshuggenah false flag unit bunglers – with the terrorists exposing their operation when they accidentally blew up their own hideout last Tuesday afternoon.

Three small blasts occurred on Soi Fiasco 17 in the Ekamai area in central Bangkok at a house rented by the four suspects. Two men managed to escape the explosion that severely damaged the building but a third man who suffered minor injuries tried to hail a taxi. When the taxi refused to stop for him, in classic Keystone comedy style, he threw a bomb at it.
This pantomime debacle was followed by a third explosion when the same ‘pseudo-terrorist’ attempted to throw another bomb at the responding Plod Squad, but missed – with the device blasting off his own legs when it detonated.

Hmmm, why is the Bangkok incident so reminiscent of the anti-Muslim false flag bombing campaign in the southern Philippines, on Mindanao, when a US citizen, CIA black op’s agent provocateur / Paruosia International Trading rep’ Michael Meiring, while cobbling together a cluster of bombs from instructions in the ‘Big Bangs for Dummies’ handbook at the writing desk of Room 306 of Davao’s Evergreen Hotel on May 16th 2002, accidentally blew his own legs off.

These too were devices intended, when placed in a crowded cinema or market or Christian church, as per previous bombs, to be one more in a string of “Al Qaeda’ Moro terror attacks – staged to justify a tightened US-Philippine military alliance.

To restrict the fallout from this embarrassing situation the CIA staff at the US Embassy in Manila had Meiring on an emergency medical evacuation flight out of the country and back Stateside faster than shit through a Christmas goose.

Really, who the fuck trains these so-called saboteurs – these agent provocateur explosive ‘experts’? Amateurs-R-Us? Snafu's Anonymous? Fubar Mart? Wiley T. Coyote - or Captain Snort at Camberwick Green’s Pippin Fort?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.