Wednesday 30 November 2011

Vauxhall ‘Launch’ Amphibious Corsa Model

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following a spectacular maiden voyage down the Bristol Channel and around South Wales’ picturesque Gower Peninsula, then anchoring safely this morning off Knobhead Rock in the Mumbles yacht basin, Vauxhall Motors have confirmed that as the initial sea trials have proved a stellar success they will definitely be fielding their ocean-going Corsa ‘Buccaneer’ 3-door amphibian model for the 2012 Seven Seas Round-the-World Hatchback Race.

While records of short voyages up and down Broken Britain’s rivers and shallow coastal waters in a variety of family saloon vehicles are legion – with this year’s Portsmouth to Ryde / Isle of Wight Solent Crossing Race being won by a Daimler AG Smart Car, driven by 96-year old pensioner Gladys Titwank, actual deep water marine forays have in the past proved disastrous – as demonstrated with the ill-fated 1965 ‘New World or Bust’ Atlantic crossing attempt.

While ignoring a common knowledge fact that the post-war Vauxhall range were a bunch of rust buckets notorious for falling to bits while you were driving them, British Royal Marines Harry ‘Gnasher’ Mc Scrunt and Bazzer ‘Pitbull’ Davis attempted to cross the Atlantic from Morecambe Bay to St John’s, Newfoundland in a Vauxhall Viva, which sank off southern Ireland after the passenger side front quarter light was left ajar in heavy seas and the Halfords bilge pump failed – with all hands lost, including two Canadian hitchhikers picked up during a refuelling pit stop at Port Erin on the Isle of Man.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Naked Chef Slams Academy School Pigswill

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Jumping Jamie Oliver, TV’s ‘Naked Chef’ - (now in the habit of wearing a pair of asbestos underpants and trainers around the stove since slopping a bowl of scalding gravy on his bollocks and bare feet) - interviewed this week on the BBC’s Soup Kitchen Hour programme - has accused the Libservative Coalition’s Education Secretary Michael ‘Wingnut Head’ Gove of being responsible for the erosion of the healthy school food standards which Oliver personally laboured for so long and hard to establish as a nutritional benchmark.

Gove, a member of Posh Dave Scameron’s zillionaire cabinet and the MP for Fiddlesticks, is viewed by the voting public as yet another of the Tory Party’s slack-jawed, chinless wonders who knows as much about ‘running a school’ as the NATO pilots who spend most of their time dropping bombs on the same institutions in Afghanistan – and Pakistan – and Libya – and anywhere else currently on the Great Satan's ZioNazi shit list.

Speaking to media reporters over a pint in the Swan Roasters Arms on London’s Pikey Lane, Oliver spit the proverbial dummy in his criticism of Gove’s stewardship of Broken Britain’s schools and inability to maintain the required legal standards for meals.
“The bloke’s an utter dog wanker in my opinion. So wot the fuck does he know about education for an effin’ start? Fuck all, right – he’s an ex-gutter press hack an’ bat-eared Pob impersonator.”

“Just go down yer local Asbo Central Academy an’ see what the fuck they’re serving up for the kid’s lunches. Genetically-modified poisons, full of deep fried crap fats, plus Monsanto’s effin’ Frankenfoods – an’ all with added neurotoxin MSG and aspartame an’ Christ knows what else. And what’s worse is the fact these catering suppliers are back loading their vending machines with crap fizzy soft drinks, bags of GMO crisps that have never seen a tater - and sugar-loaded candy bars.”

“These twats are not providing healthy, balanced meals that meet the current nutritional standards. I ain’t joking, this slop wouldn’t get fed to my pigs.”
“Here yer got this dildo Gove, the mouthpiece for the government on education policy, who makes the moronic statement that he trusts the new academy schools to act in the pupils' best interests. Yeah right – trusting a commercial ‘run for profit’ enterprise, my arse – that’s like trusting Wiley T. Coyote to run an effin’ chicken farm.”

Conversely, caterers claim that a majority of England's academy schools - which do not have to abide by the healthy food standards regulations - are asking for what Oliver terms ‘unhealthy food" as they can’t achieve their sugars and carb’ addiction hits on a diet of steamed veggies, salads and fresh fruits.

14-year old Baz McSkanger, a pupil at St Scally’s Academy for Latter Day Scrotes, told one reporter from the Pigswill Gazette “So Jamie Oliver’s menu’s okay if yer wanna be fit an’ all that an’ be an athlete an’ get inter the Olympics, but we perform best on a diet of greasy burgers, fries an’ cola. I woz a cuddly 175 pounds fat slob before Oliver came along wiv this healthy diet shit – now look at me – withered away ter a mere 130 pounds wet through wiv me socks on. I’m like a reject from Belsen an’ yer can hear me ribs rattlin’ – an me bitch don’t like that. That’s why I’m back on the junk food.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 29 November 2011

Anders the Viking Pronounced Bonkers

Department of Justice psychiatrists assessing the mental state of self-confessed Norwegian mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik declare he is a paranoid schizophrenic and criminally insane – a mental condition commonly termed ‘nuttier than a fruitcake'.

While judged as not being responsible for his actions in the killing of some three score and ten-plus innocent people, Breivik has been adopted by the Socialist Left-Right Party as ‘perfectly qualified’ to stand as one of their Stortinget (parliament) candidates at the next elections.

Why is the Asylum Empty?

Hello out there! Is anyone listening? Whoever left the lunatic asylum gate open please go back and close it again – immediately if not sooner - and then round up all the escapees.

Oh yes, the bloody lot of them – especially the ones who’ve sneaked into the House of Conmans and the numpty Organisation for Economic Co-operation & Development’s think tank and have been busy conjuring up this propaganda spin about Broken Britain perhaps sliding back into ‘a recession’ if we don’t all work harder.
Well, those of the common herd still lucky enough to be gainfully employed anyways – unlike the two and a half million on the Jobcentre’s books as being without a job as no more exist.

But let’s not mention the ‘forgotten’ couple of million unemployed who are no longer getting any form of Jobseeker’s Allowance and hence now abstain from signing on at the Jobcentre with it being a waste of time.

So ‘Recession! Recession!’ – the very mention of the word drives grown men into blithering idiocy and galloping anxiety attacks – especially when the gutter press and criminal capitalist media start spouting that we’re slipping back into one – totally ignoring the fact we were never in a ‘recession’ to start with.
It was an all-out and full-blown ‘Depression’ – with a large capital D – and we’re still in it, with a cat in Hell’s chance of things picking up while this crooked and fatally-flawed fractional reserve lending system of the banksters remains in place – and we keep outsourcing to some Third World shithole instead of doing the jobs ourselves – plus remain a reluctant member of the doomed EUSSR pantomime.

Outsourcing = no jobs, thanks to that stupid old Tory skanger, Maggie Twatcher, who de-industrialised Britain and ‘broke’ it – and now she’s gone potty. Hurray!

So, for all you out-of-work chaps (and chapettes), enjoy the freedom your poverty provides – and too the quality time available. While learning how to survive on your £60 quid a week benefits, why not learn a new skill too – apart from the art of shoplifting at one of our ubiquitous Greedy Grocer supermarket chains.

Perhaps take up knitting shrouds – or building tumbrels – or sharpening guillotine blades – or get into a spot of cardio-vascular grave digging as the proletariat of our once-sceptred isles, fed up with living on landfill sites and walking ten miles to the nearest for a Trussell Trust food parcel or a cup of soup, set off at a pace, galloping headlong towards a violent revolution.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Things to Come: Big Brother Needs You!

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

To read between the lines of the UK’s gutter press media reports over the past few days, concerning the scheduled Wednesday, 30th November ‘one day’ withdrawal of labour strikes by Bolshie public sector workers whingeing over their pension deals being fucked over with malice aforethought, Posh Dave Scameron’s Libservative Coalition have gone into headless ‘Chicken Little’ mode, with Francis Maude running around branding every fucker and their dog as ‘anarchist malcontents’ and screaming “We’re losing control! Time for some new draconian laws on union ballots! We need to ban strikes and all industrial action immediately - if not sooner!”

The Lib-Dum’s ginger-mingin Chief Treasury Secretary, Danny Alexander resorted to clutching at straws by waving a ‘more at scent than substance’ threat that recent fictitious amendments to the government's non-existent ‘pension improvement’ offer could be withdrawn if the strike – (involving borders control staff, local authority jobsworths, teachers and NHS workers – plus the Butcher, the Baker and Candlestick Maker) – goes ahead as planned.

To add to the confusion of who in government said what concerning this mythical offer the ‘Jock in a frock’ Treasury Secretary has conjured up out of thin air, one whistle-blowing insider source who spoke to press hacks on conditions of anonymity (Frank Hapless – DWP) informed the Daily Shitraker that negotiations with the public sector unions are being purposely undertaken on a segregated basis so as to initiate a cat fight and hence divide and conquer – with them all proceeding at different speeds – basically slow and slower.

Hence little wonder the working class are pissed off - and rightly so too with a couldn’t care less government dictating they work years longer and pay more for a pittance of a state pension that inflation will have knocked the bollocks out of by the time they retire and hobble up on a Zimmer frame to claim it.

Thus the war of words has finally reached a stalemate critical mass and is due to erupt in grand cataclysmic fashion in the form of a nation-wide strike action on Wednesday – which will involve what statisticians refer to as ‘lots and lots of people’ – estimated to exceed a Biblical multitude if every fucker heeds the Unions’ call to arms and throw Scameron’s fatally-flawed mess of a coalition government the big finger.

And for any government, that’s the worry – losing control – which shatters the veneer that government policy is working. Hence, when the Bolshie proletariat start thinking for themselves in such a display of civil disobedience, then it’s obviously time for Big Brother to put his foot down with a firm hand.

The gospel according to the Tavistock Institute’s social engineers, what’s required is the establishment of a totalitarian state – on the lines of Mao’s Peoples’ Marxist Utopia of China - or Stalin’s 'Smiley Face' USSR – or Hitler’s friendly fascist Germany – or Pol Pot’s Cambodia – (none of which had much to offer in the social welfare benefits / pensions scheme of things).

Conversely, would a Hitlerian fascist state work for a Western government today?
Hmmm, you better believe it - only too right it would. The good ole US of A are about to impose their martial law state with the ‘Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act’ and the ‘National Defence Authorization Act’.
And in the UK all the pieces of the same Kafkaesque jigsaw are laid out – just a matter of slotting them together.

As the national Plod Squads are going to be fully occupied working alongside the Army, and local authorities already have their PSCO imitation plods on the streets, a full contingent of shit-for-brains traffic wardens will be bestowed with a warrant card and shiny buttons – and ramped up Stasi-style powers as Community Enforcement Officers, authorised to stop n search – and enter the homes of any hapless sod suspected of dissident leanings.

We already have an infestation of ‘see n listen’ CCTV cameras up the yin-yang (now being fitted in taxi cabs also) - plus Cheltenham GCHQ and Echelon eavesdropping everything communicated over landlines, cellphones, e-mails, text messages, smoke signals and tom-toms – and a media that puts out precisely what the government tells it to – and nothing more – so the job’s been halfway achieved through the old tip-toe one step at a time trick already.

So while the Plods and Army are busy throwing up a couple of dozen FEMA style Red Zone / Blue Zone concentration camps around our once-sceptred isle, the UK’s ubiquitous Renta-Thug security agencies - G4S and Securitas, etcetera et al, will be tasked with rounding up all the dissident types. Anyone with a UKIP sticker in their window or wearing a ‘We are the 99%’ t-shirt or any homeless sod found ‘Occupying’ something or the other by way of a personal display of protest – arrested and thus criminalised for disagreeing with government policies.

Then they’ll start on the unemployed yobsters and anyone with a green tint and conspicuous gel-set spiky hair-do. Next comes the conscientious objectors who don’t fancy playing Irish hop scotch in an Afghani mine field – along with the Pancake Tuesday Adventists, the Flat Earthers, the Pastafarians, and the Druids - and any other fucker or their dog the government label as ‘weirdoes'.

Business Secretary Vince Cobble, often considered a total idiot, and never one to miss the chance of opening his big gob and confirming the fact, sided with Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude and threatened the TUC chief Brendan Barber with excommunication if Wednesday’s strike takes place.
“What we need are tougher ballot laws to get the jackboot on these damn union’s necks. They’re playing with fire – and if the fire brigade’s on strike too then doubtless they'll be in real trouble – up shitcreek without a hose pipe – or is it a paddle?

Taking a fatally-flawed heuristic approach to learning via 20/20 hindsight how much shit the voting public will put up with before it reaches a critical mass state and a bloody rebellion occurs, Posh Dave Scameron, resembling the bungling Field Marshal Herbert Kitchener in a WW1 recruitment poster, gave a press conference today, drumming up Big Society volunteers to join his newly-formed “Big Brother Need You” Snitch & Grassers Brigade.

“I intend to apply the statutes of the Police Reform & Social Responsibility Act 2011 to clamp down on these bloody mutinies – damn peasants going on strike for a day and crippling our economy. Not one of these ungrateful oicks has any intention of helping me to mend Broken Britain by striking. Plus we simply cannot have the sheeple thinking for themselves and taking the initiative – that threatens the entire concept of government control and the established power structure that’s taken centuries to recreate thanks to that damn Magna Carta. Really, Bolshie bastard free-spirits and anarchists have ruined this bloody country for the aristocracy!”

“They might think there’s safety in numbers with a couple of zillion of them all going on strike together, but just wait until we get our FEMA camps set up and running (Federal Emergency Military Authority - a euphemism for Martial Law) - then they won’t be so keen. Our Big Society volunteers are getting the full NLP brain-washing leadership brouhaha from Common Purpose – then we’ll slip their leashes and put the cat amongst the poultry.”

Do you want to join Posh Dave’s Big Society? Do you know the definition of a volunteer? Some dumb fucker who has totally misunderstood the question put to them.
Would you like to be part of a paranoid Kafkaesque despotic regime that sees subversion, insurgency and anarchy lurking in every corner and shadow?
Would you like to sign up for the Renta-Thug brigade and join the phalanxes of body armour-clad morons and psychos sadists – all kitted out with a licence to hurt whoever the fuck they like with their arsenals of truncheons, pepper spray, baton rounds and Tasers.

So, once the dissident internment gulags are up and running who in this supposedly enlightened age is to man the gates, turn on the Zyklon B gas valves in the showers and stoke the crematorium ovens?
For starters we have legions of officious petty bureaucrats and lickspittle jobsworths - stricken with a variety of negative human traits and idiosyncrasies - and misanthropic scumbags throughout.

Doubtless the Big Society recruits will include a wide selection of homophobes, religious fanatics and racists – plus the psychos who chop the heads off an aviary full of exotic birds, play football with hedgehogs and shove hamsters and cats in microwaves just for the hell of it. Then we have the likes of the notorious moggie binner, Mary Bale, who’s probably wouldn’t even blink an eye commanding a firing squad composed of juvenile yobsters and hoodies.

Anyone who applauded the University of California-Davis police unit last weekend for starters – they with the sadistic mindset to pepper spray harmless sit-in protesters in the face have the inherent qualifications for a career in human rights and wrong abuse.

Then we have sadists of the calibre of the Met’s Plod Squad’s Renta-Thug Division morons – up for putting half a clip of 9mm parabellum into the head of an innocent Brazilian electrician after mistaking him for a Mid-Eastern Islamic terrorist suspect. All handy lads to have around a concentration camp and usher the hard core rebel inmates into the Red Zone’s gas chambers.

Definitely wouldn’t want to miss out on Sgt Delboy Stinkie of G20 notoriety either - a psycho pugilist who gets his kicks from thumping skinny split-arsed anti-globalism protesters in the face. Next up is PC Slimy Simon Harwood – an as-yet unconvicted murderer - who prefers the behind-the-back sneak approach when belting innocent passers-by with a steel baton across the legs and shoving them to the pavement so they impact their skulls and drop dead a few minutes later.

A dead cert’ for manning the guard posts under the Arbeit Macht Frei sign is the Plod Squad thug who tipped the crippled Jodie McIntire out of his wheelchair and hauled him across the road by the scruff of his neck – for his own protection, mind you - during the student tuition fee hike demo’s last December.

Too, Sgt Mark Andrews who dragged senior citizen motorist Pamela Somerville across the police station floor and tossed her violently into a cell, causing horrible facial injuries for which she was later hospitalised – a crime he was acquitted of on appeal by ‘Judge Bean’ as he was ‘only doing his duty’ – a moronic verdict reminiscent of the stock Nazi defence at Nuremberg.

Oh yes, all these and more - all qualified for Schultzstaffel / Gestapo / Stasi / KGB type Storm Trooper posts in Scameron’s dystopic Big Brother regime.
It’s the uniform that attracts and goes to their heads as it bestows them with this illusional empowering aura of ‘authority’ – which puts them above the law they claim to enforce – and bestows a licence to brutalise – a job that attracts sickos and sadists who have no concept of the definition of empathy or the term ‘pro bono’.

Hmmm, rightly so the latest mantra of the Bolshie 99% demo’ protesters goes “No Justice – No Peace: Fuck the Police!”

While Scameron wants the rank and file of the common herd behaving like Pavlov’s dog to NLP soundbites: Fetch! Sit! Beg! Shake a paw! Roll over! Play dead! Good dog! - doesn’t the depth of his elitist hypocrisy make you want to spew.
Here he is screaming blue murder that this one-day strike will cripple the UK’s economy yet forgets he mandated a Bank Holiday for Prince Wills and Katie Middleclass’ Royal Wedding - and has another one scheduled for next year to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Royal Parasite’s coronation.
So, does an extra Tory-promoted holiday cripple the economy? Obviously not when Posh Dave ordains such a deal. Hmmm, double standards, anyone?

Thought for the day: While Orwell’s 1984 provides both alarming and prophetic insights to what a Dystopian state might manifest as, perhaps it is time, and again prudent, to remind PM Posh Dave Scameron and his Libservative Coalition that the revelatory text was a ‘warning’ aimed at the common people – and definitely not a blueprint and instruction manual – Totalitarianism for Dummies - for governments to impose on their own voting public.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

So, if you’re a wannabe illegal immigrant on the lookout for a safe haven with lots of welfare benefits available, look no further – simply turn up at any of Broken Britain’s air or sea ports this coming Wednesday and you’ll be stamped in by the bunch of morons manning the immigration desks faster than shit through a goose.
Never forget, recession besides, Morecambe Bay always needs new cockle pickers.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 28 November 2011

Mad Cow Goes Bonkers

A brown cow has been shot dead by the local Plod Squad’s Armed Response Unit after it escaped from a cattle market and ran amok, galloping up and down dreary Darlington’s High Street while totally ignoring traffic lights – with police officials fearing it might attempt to jump over the moon in its visibly agitated - and perhaps drugged state.

The animal, from the stock from Monsanto’s Teesside GMO research facility, is believed to have be suffering from a growth hormone imbalance – or an acute case of Mad Cow Disease, and was one of a group of animals who tunnelled out of their holding pen this morning - along with several pigs and a flock of sheep, prior to the start of the Darlington Auction Market.

However, thanks to swift police action in applying their ‘Zero Tolerance’ approach to anti-unsocial behaviour and deploying snipers to kill the animal, no-one was hurt during the incident – apart from the cow.

Darlington Plod Squad spokeswoman WPC Bev Titwank informed press hacks that “When the cow played its master card and ran into the china shop, we knew the situation would become a Mexican standoff.”
“We brought in our chief siege negotiator and a local dairy farmer to try and convince the intellectually-challenged animal to co-operate and but to no avail
- which is typical of bovine stubbornness.”

“The Independent Police Coverups Commission has been informed of our actions and the fact a handgun was recovered from the scene – on which our forensics team discovered the cow’ hoof prints.”

STOP PRESS: Prime GM beef – all cuts / fresh today – Darlington Plod Squad car park. Cash only – no cards.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Bumble Was Right: The Law is an Ass

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Anyone remember the G20 protest demo’s in London 2009? April Fool’s Day and the murder of innocent passer-by Ian Tomlinson – sauntering along on his way home and presenting no threat or nuisance to anyone – yet subjected to a gratuitous attack and illegally killed (read ‘murdered’) through the belligerent, barbaric actions of one of the Met’s sadistic psychopaths – kitted out in a black balaclava and full face crash hat – with shoulder ID tabs missing – but later fingered by one of his Grasser’s Club mates as none other than \ Renta-Thug Unit PC - Slimy Simon Harwood.

Harwood, the type of person who gives serial killers a bad name, was described to press hacks by friends and associates alike as being ‘a right shitbag’ - with a history of stamping on ants as a child and pulling cat’s tails.

So, it’s two and a half years gone by since Ian Tomlinson’s murder and after finally getting an inquest in May of 2011 where the jury reached an unanimously verdict of ‘unlawfully killed’, there’s still no closure in the case. The CPS initially set Harwood’s trial date for October 2012 – which has only recently been re-scheduled for June 2012 - by which time the guilty party will have been suspended on full pay for three years of ‘gardening leave’.

June 2012? Que? WTF? If it had been a couple of unemployed juvenile scally rioters with their hoodies up and into a spot of ‘Steal One-Get One Free’ looting around Tottenham in August then they’d have been up before one of Scameron’s emergency 24/7 courts at 02:00am and flung unceremoniously into some overcrowded sodomite’s paradise prison cell before you could say “Bend over” or “Suck this, sonny”.

And what a disgusting display of ostrich head-in-sand delay tactics by the Crown Prosecution Service, hoping this most embarrassing act of arrogant police brutality committed before a cast of thousands in the midst of the public arena - and thankfully captured on video - will somehow resolve itself and go quietly away.

Doubtless the Met’s ruling mandarins, the likes of Commissioner Hulk Hogan, and too the CPS panjandrums, hope the delay will lead to witnesses forgetting what they saw – or end up ‘suicided’ in the David Kelly Memorial Woods up on Grassy Knoll Common. Albeit witnesses aren’t the clincher in this prosecution due the existence of that stellar piece of ‘red-handed’ film footage recorded by visiting New York businessman and protest demonstration aficionado, Christopher La Jaunie.

But what else can we expect when hypocrisy, graft and corruption are prevalent throughout the entire policing and judicial institutions in the UK – and specifically Scotland with their crime and kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen - where truth and justice crusaders are summarily arrested on trumped up ‘breach of the peace’ charges by a uniformed criminal class.

Hopefully such a perversion of justice will not manifest in Harwood’s case. However, this week, as November draws to a close, his defence counsel, Patrick Gobbs QC, will be making an application to the assigned trial judge Mr Justice Jeremy ‘Black Cap’ Crook to have the case dismissed as he believes his client will not receive a fair trial due the saturation level media coverage and You Tube being inundated with ‘Harwood Murders Tomlinson’ video clips.

Thought for the day: Hey, at least the G20 protests gave a fresh definition to ‘crowd control’ – send them off in ambulances or body bags.
So roll up and get your latest X-Box 360 game from Sadists Software - “G20 Protests: Police Brutality 3” - while Christmas stocks last and have the golden opportunity to retaliate as you open up with live fire rounds and a flame thrower on the barbaric likes of the super-thug woman beater Sgt Delboy Stinkie and unconvicted murderer Slimy Simon Harwood.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Will US Finally Declare War on Pakiland?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Pakistan’s Prime Minister Dingbat Jaffacake and the head honcho of the Army, General Ashplant Pervo Bellendi, have, quite understandably, spit the proverbial dummy and reacted angrily to an attack on a remote border post in the shit-pit tribal district of Landfillabad in the early hours of Saturday morning by NATO jet fighters and helicopter gunships which levelled the entire shebang and snuffed 24 Paki troopers - plus maimed and crippled a further 13 – and frightened the shit out of a flock of goats.

The incident has heightened already frayed relations between Pakiland and the Great Satan - and the incompetent NATO - who’ve manage to make a total bodge up of yet another ‘precision bombing’ mission – but hit Pakiland ‘by mistake’ (sic) for a change, and not some hapless Afghan school, hospital or orphanage as is the norm.

NATO Command HQ in Kabul issued a “Whoops-Sorry!” dispatch to Islamabad upon receiving the bad news – terming their fubar a "tragic unintended incident" – and pledging to conduct an investigation into why, while equipped with zillions of buck’s worth of precision gear - satellite navigation systems and laser-guided ordnance – the fighter pilots still don’t know where Afghanistan ends and Pakiland begins – regardless of having access to all of the latter’s border post map grid references.

Secretary-General Antlers Foggy Numpmussen, the inept NATO chief, informed one reporter from the Snafu Gazette that “We’ve sent the Paki PM a Very-Sorry-gram and some flowers over the internet – and have ordered an immediate emergency dispatch parachute drop of 24 of Wal-Mart’s finest Stay-Fresh insulated body bags from our Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan to help out until they can dig some graves.”

Numpmussen’s condolence message was followed by a joint statement from the Great Satan’s Secretary of Defence, the senile septuagenarian Leo ‘The Schnozz’ Vendetta, and the rug-munching Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, to a reporter from the Crocodile Tears Review, assuring the Pakiland hierarchy of a thorough investigation into the incident and not some cover-up and whitewash job like the 9/11 Commission inquiry into the Israeli Mossad’s 2001 false flag terrorist attacks on New York and Washington DC.

The Rodent further stressed in her hypocritical statement “I can’t emphasise enough the importance of the US-Pakiland partnership – the commercial, diplomatic and military aspects – all of which serve our Rothshite crime syndicate Master’s Zionist geo-political ambitions to a tee – even if your troops do unfortunately keep getting snuffed by accident. Oh well, no point in dwelling on spilt milk, as my Mother used to say – and we all know where ‘sympathy’ is in the dictionary – right between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’.”

“Just ignore the rumours rattling down the Western intelligence grapevine that this attack was a warning for ignoring President O’Barmy’s polite request to drop the gas pipeline deal with Iran – which you guys running the Paki government, in your infinite wisdom, chose to ignore.”

Conversely, the Pakiland army chief, General Bellendi, speaking to one press hack from ‘Order into Chaos’ magazine, declared “This is totally unacceptable and deplorable – a grave infringement of Pakistan's sovereignty - intentionally targeting our military posts and personnel to teach us some lesson like a wilful child. “

“And do not give me any of this ‘Insha’Allah’ bullshit – the attack was deliberate – the Great Satan’s neo-cons just trying it on to see how far they can go with their insidious imperialist games – and what kind of reaction they get out of us for doing a couple of deals with our good Muslim next door neighbours in Iran.”
“If, as they claim, it was an accident, then who the fuck’s in charge of these fighter pilots in Afghanistan - Captain Snort and his Pippin Fort intelligence unit - on secondment to NATO from Camberwick Green?

“These soldiers were from our elite Special Forces 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment – and they all had new uniforms and boots too – who’s going to pay for that lot, I ask you? Why don’t they go and bomb someone else’s ‘Stan’ for a change? There’s plenty of them around here to practice on.”

So, the question of the day is - will the ZioNazi raving psychopaths pulling the strings of the US of A’s Great Satan regime finally stop fucking around with snide attacks and come out and actually declare war on their ‘good ole allies’ in Pakiland - in an attempt to seize control of the only ‘Islamic’ nuclear arsenal on the planet (shhh! - apart from Iran’s) – and add yet another Muslim sovereign state to their conquest list for the ever-expanding Greater Israel empire?

Thought for the day: Fuck the Project for a New American Century – and their all-new replacement ‘Foreign Policy Initiative’ - and the ‘forged’ Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion - and the Rothshite crime syndicate’s New World Order – and any other fucker and their dog who thinks attacking Third World nations is the US global bully’s God-given Manifest Destiny right.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 27 November 2011

EUSSR Ban Nursery Rhymes

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest political correctness insanities to be laid at the UK’s door by the moronic inmates of the Brussels-based EUSSR Parliament are a set of regulations purportedly designed to safeguard children – in this particular instance by censoring fairy tales and nursery rhymes – with Three Blind Mice being the first to be banned as it promotes knife crime and the mutilation of sentient creatures – a decision applauded by Broken Britain’s RSPCA and the Common Purpose social engineering organisation.

Next on the hit list is Little Bo Peep – for setting a bad example to other children by not having her pets kitted out with Verison locator chips.
Jack and Jill are up at the top of the list too – as an example of breach of child labour statutes and HSE regulations regarding hard hats and protective clothing – plus no mention made of Jack’s work-related personal injury being reported or entered into an accident log.
Humpty Dumpty cops it for the same reasons – ignoring HSE procedures by sitting atop a high wall without a footed ladder, scaffolding or a cherry picker – nor wearing a safety harness or protective gear.

Georgie Porgie’s out – due emphasis on carb-addictive high cholesterol diet (puddings & pies) and sexual harassment (smooching girls against their will) – with nary a word of his latent homosexuality nor having to sign the Sex Offenders’ Register.
Ding Dong Dell is another victim – banned due the fact it might tempt children to emulate the sadistic actions of Birmingham’s notorious cat binner Mary ‘Moggy Hater’ Bale.

Little Miss Muffet gets the boot – for generating a paranoid fear of arachnids and promoting an unnecessary ‘spider in the bath’ anxiety syndrome amongst children.
Mary had a Little Lamb gets chopped – ambiguous references to teen pregnancies and promotion of sex with sheep.
Likewise with There was an Old Woman who lived in a Shoe – for promoting teenage sex without regard for contraception, or family planning.

The old Who Killed Cock Robin rhyme got a black mark after it was discovered children were being taught by Bolshie parents to respond “It woz that Tony Bliar war criminal bloke”.
Doctor Foster was stricken off for slandering Gloucester council highways department over potholed roads – followed by the iconic Simple Simon – for its inherent political incorrectness in promoting the ridicule of the educationally sub-normal and labelling them as fodder for commercial extortion.

The Victorian era kiddies’ favourite, Diddle, Piddle, Dumpling, My Son John (he ran down the street with no trousers on), under scrutiny for some time due it’s underlying theme of giving a sense of legitimacy to the perverse sport of flashing, will be henceforth expurgiated from the Oxford Book of Nursery Rhymes.

Baa Baa Blacksheep gets the spike for racist undertones, with the Mother Gooseberg favourite ‘Solomon Grundstein’ hit by Abe Poxman’s Anti-Defamation League and a legion of like ZioNazi groups with their customary denunciation chutzpah for content branded anti-Semitic and promoting Holohoax denial.

Old Mother Hubbard was excised for its anti-government propaganda content – highlighting the plight of pensioners who can’t afford to feed themselves or their pets.
Pop Goes the Weasel is out – for promoting confusion regarding the futures exchange and market value trends – plus intimating that quantitative easing is the reason for inflation - and the rhyme’s references of cruelty to lesser primates.
Last but not least is Hey Diddle Diddle – banned as it promoted an accepted normality of delusional antics by animals and encouraged hallucinogenic drug abuse.

Thought for the day: So, is Goldilocks of fairy tale fame next on the criminal intentions hit list? Shagged out from a long night of house-breaking exertions, she suffers a severe ‘blonde moment’ lapse in operational procedures and takes an Irish power nap in Baby Bear’s bunk– only to be awakened several hours later by a family of irate grizzlies – and gets beaten to death with a pool cue – which Papa Bear claims was an act of self-defence.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Saturday 26 November 2011

Is the Clock Ticking for Scameron?

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Conservative MP Patrick Mercer, pursued by salivating gutter press hacks, has once again refused to discuss claims he called Tory leader Posh Dave Scameron a "despicable creature without any redeeming features" – albeit stating for the public record that such a label would be an insult to ‘despicable creatures’.

Several gutter press red top tabloids reported that the former Army officer made a series of disparaging remarks about the prime minister during a private séance at the Clairvoyants Club annual dinner earlier this month, after quaffing back several litres of Old Headbanger lager.
While in his cups, Mercer gave his crystal ball a good pre-scrying polish then predicted that PM Scameron would be ousted in a backbench coup next spring and leave the political arena with his tail between his legs.

The Sunday Shitraker and Scandalmongers Gazette both carried a report of the comments made by Mercer, who opined to fellow guests at the function he’d "Rather get some swan-roasting pikey beggar off the street and put them in Downing Street than have that pretentious public school shit Scameron in there lording it over everyone like Baron Snooty. He’s the frog who dreams of being a toad.”

“Scameron’s the worst politician in British history – well, since Tony Bliar and that other Scots twat - Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown". His first priority is basing Broken Britain’s foreign policy on what Lord Rothshite and the Israeli scumbags demand – totally at odds with the interests of the UK’s taxpaying electorate.”

“Then he’s always there gobbing off and pontificating on his favourite subject – himself. Then you’ve got all those little sycophant stooges scurrying around to massage his ego – Willy Vague, Ian Duncan Smut and that horrible lying bitch Teresa Maybe. All spouting on about their Posh Dave being blessed with the wisdom of Solomon – which to my memory actually centred on the singular fact he used to decide legal wrangles over possession being nine-tenths of the law by threatening to chop babies in half. Now where’s the wisdom in that approach?”

Mercer, the Tory MP for Newark, was forced to resign as Scameron's shadow homeland security spokesman in 2007 after a monumental faux pas of making racial comments in the public arena concerning the composition of the ranks of the British Army - which included politically incorrect references to ‘rag-heads’, ‘darkies’, ‘nig-nogs’ ‘effin’ Pakis’ and ‘egg plants’ – all deemed by party bosses to be forms of unacceptable terminology aimed at our coloured brothers – especially when made in the saloon bar of Notting Hill’s Rastafarian Arms.

Following his fall from grace, Mercer was branded as the party pariah and condemned to wear a leper’s bell, had his name crossed off the Tory inner circle’s Christmas card list - and membership of the Posh Dave Fan Club rescinded.

A veritable outcast, grown jaundiced and resentful of his contemporary Tory MPs – referring to them all as ‘oicks’ and corrupt pro-Zionist stooges - Mercer now haunts the House of Conmans’ Augean corridors and back benches, scowling at all and sundry, alike Diogenes before him - and wishing he’d stayed in the Army and out of politics – but content with being an unpredictable and constant thorn in Scameron’s foot.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Friday 25 November 2011

Scatty Scameron Loses the Plot

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, yesterday informed an amused audience of House of Conmans MPs that public sector walkouts planned for Wednesday, November 30th, were ‘very naughty’ and deliberately aimed at causing inconvenience to zillions of people throughout the known Universe – and on a conspicuously paranoid note, of making him look bad too.
“What a bunch of bloody oicks. Really, it’s hard to soar like an eagle when you’re surrounded by damn chickens.”

To add to this moronic diatribe, he added that those adversely affected would include legions of parents. Thus, due teachers being on strike, company bosses should be compelled to allow staff to bring their children to work– otherwise they might just decide to say “Fuck it!” and stay at home posting anarchist-orientated tweets on Twitter and Facebook.

“Working parents are going face a struggle to arrange childcare as all these unpatriotic, Bolshie teachers who don’t seem to give a shit about helping me mend Broken Britain are set to take part in this radical 24-hour walkout protest over Iain Duncan Smut’s latest pension reforms. Hence I suggest that employers let worker-parents bring their kiddies along with them for that day – if, of course, their parents aren’t on strike themselves.”
“Also, employers might well consider allowing staff to work from home – unless they’re members of the local Plod Squad or train drivers – which might not present a problem for the latter as lots of these sprogs will have plenty of Rattle Track type experience from playing with their own model railway sets.”

To this end and by way of setting an example, Number 10’s civil service jobsworths have been tasked with setting up a temporary crèche on the premises to help out their key spin doctors and propaganda staff who’ll be fully occupied concocting porky pies as to why Britain is getting involved with the US Zionist’s plot to invade Syria in the next couple of weeks and spoil their Christmas.

Chancellor Georgie Osborne, over at the Treasury, informed one press hack from the Subversives Gazette that the strikes, speculated to involve an excess of four zillion public sector workers, will cost the UK’s already stagnant economy what banksters are referring to as ‘lots and lots of money’.

Further, the Department for Health is rumoured to be organising contingency plans to cope with a hugely disruptive day for the NHS, with thousands of vital posts throughout the hospital service left unmanned by striking staff – and a projected mortality rate of 65% for bed-ridden patients calculated to occur over the 24 hour staff walkout period.

However, Tory Health Secretary Andrew Lansley informed media reporters that he had spoken personally with the CEO of the British Undertakers Association and been assured that a supply of ‘Stay-Fresh’ insulated body bags would be available to hospital mortuaries if they started to overflow with dead patients.
“I mean, if it comes down to the nitty gritty, well, especially with the weather getting colder we can always borrow one of those excavator thingy machines off the council and dig a series of mass graves in the local parks to get rid of the bodies.”

Thought for the day: Hmmm, one dodge that scatty Scameron purposely overlooked - perhaps parents should simply get on the phone to Renta-Nanny and put the cost down on their expenses – same as Caroline Spelman, the ginger-mingin Tory frontbencher MP for East Ripoffs was doing - (a hefty £9,600 of taxpayers’ money embezzled until someone grassed her up and the Parliamentary anti-sleaze watchdogs put a stop to her felonious fiddles).

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Plod Fired for Cuckolding Labour MP

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

PC Frank McShagger, a close-in security bodyguard with the Special Operations Unit, has this week been dismissed by the Metropolitan Police for conduct unbecoming a member of the force, which condemned him for adding to its already devastated reputation by bonking Labour MP Alan Johnson’s missus.

In a press release statement, Met Commander Percy Swindler announced that PC McShagger’s’s conduct in this affair was unacceptable – being caught on camera by the paparazzi while giving the ex-Home Secretary’s wife one doggy style over a patio table - and had been sanctioned for abuse of his position of trust.

"Regardless of his pathetic excuses that Mrs Johnson’s a raving nympho’ and spiked his tea with high octane Viagra - then took advantage of his involuntary erectile state, PC McShagger has damaged the reputation of the Metropolitan Police Service and the specialist discipline in which he worked – which, speculation and rumours besides – was to act as a bodyguard and not the lady’s personal gigolo.”
“By doing so he might well have kept a smile on Mrs Johnson’s face but has breached the professional standards expected by the UK’s taxpaying peasants.”

“I mean to say, having PC McShagger thinking with his cock instead of his brain is almost as bad as the likes of stupid PC Simon Harwood beating that news vendor to death at the G20 protests on April 1st a couple of years ago. As I’ve always said, okay, it’s April Fools Day - go out and have a bit of fun but for Christ’s sake don’t get caught on camera.”
“Especially a damn two minute video clip of brutalizing a member of the stupid public by cracking them round the back of the legs with a telescopic steel baton so they crash head-first onto the pavement – and then have them drop dead only a few yards away from where they were clobbered – and the incident splashed all across YouTube for the whole world to see.”

Johnson, the Labour MP for East Cuckold, quit his job as shadow chancellor in January following news reports of his wife’s infidelities, which insiders claim were not connected to his marital problems but the fact he was blighted by waves of criticism concerning his mediocre grasp of the exchequer post’s more technical aspects – such as counting beyond ten when he ran out of fingers and being too embarrassed to take off his socks – and had confided to fellow MPs while stressed that he preferred his old job of delivering letters for the Royal Mail.

In her own defence, Mrs Laura ‘call me Pussycat’ Johnson, emerged from her house this morning looking strained after a night riding her sybian - and informed press hacks “Alan’s so fucking useless in bed – always reading the day’s Hansard to avoid slipping me one – and even when I give him a gobble he drops off to sleep.”

“My bloody maiden name might well have been ‘Patient’ but Alan was pushing the limits of it at times – and that’s where PC McShagger came in handy and proved his worth.”
“I mean to say, getting my rocks off with a Jolly Jackrabbit vibrator’s okay once in a while but we girls need the real thing too now and again. A nine inch stiffie up us and not that flaccid one-eyed trouser snake of Postman Pat’s.”

Thought for the day: Since the initial scandal hit the news headlines, PC McShagger was assigned to the security detail of Home Secretary Theresa May – who has, to date, refused to provide a straight answer to media reporters' questions if she too was making use of her bodyguard’s vaunted gigolo services – simply replying with an inscrutable sly smile and an artful wink.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Thursday 24 November 2011

Jock Students into Effigy Burnings

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Life-sized papier mache effigies of the US Kenyan cuckoo President, Barky O’Barmy and Broken Britain’s self-promoting dog wanker of a Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, engaged in what one observer mirthfully described as ‘a beast with two backs’ coupling posture – and with an EUSSR flag draped over their nakedness - were burned atop a bonfire last Friday night by bonny Scotland’s St Andrews University’s Conservative Student Association during a drunken revel / sex orgy in the remote and concealed depths of the local Doggers Wood.

Reports that the effigies were arranged in an act of sodomy ‘and’ cloaked in the EUSSR flag have stirred up accusations from the University’s senior staff of black magic rituals and witchcraft being practiced by the out-of control student body.
To add to the scandal the gutter press red top tabloids, specifically the Gorbals Gazette, have now gone into speculation and rumour mode, fielding highly embarrassing questions regarding the carnal positioning of the effigies: who was on top and giving who one up the back passage – and was it a reach-around jack-off conformance deal providing mutual pleasure?

Matthew McDuffer, president of the St Andrews Conservative Association, informed a reporter from the Jocks in Frocks Review that “These students are way out of order. This was the President of the global bully whose effigy they desecrated in a display of implied homosexual activity and then burned. So, now the Yanks have passed this new ‘Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act’ don’t be at all surprised if the University gets targeted by a couple of their nasty UAV Predator drones this coming week by way of revenge.”

“Good God, what were these morons thinking of? While the rumours do abound concerning what that darkie chap O’Barmy gets up to in Chicago bath houses and the back of limousines with his drug-pusher faggot playmate Larry Sinclair, I very much doubt that David Scameron, as a married man with a very shaggable wife like Sammy, has engaged in naked gay romps since he left Eton and the public school homosexual culture – well, definitely after Oxford and the Bullingdon Club’s bumboy fraternity anyway.”

Genghis McTwatt, a former chairman of St Andrews Labour Society (and too himself a past target for effigy immolation in which he was positioned atop the bonfire stuck up the arse end of a sheep) described the burning incident as disgraceful, and "I can't imagine any other student activists of a major political party – except perhaps the BNP or UKIP – who would behave in this reprehensible manner. It's disgusting what these Bloshie bastards have done and I hope the Tory Party come out and condemn this obscene act."

"Really, the last thing a modern political party should be up to is burning an effigy of anyone, let alone the first semi-black impostor president of the USA – and one of Britain’s closest allies – after Israel."

The St Andrews University Conservative Society’s student membership has a past record of burning effigies of both domestic and foreign politicians, and too public figures who incur their wrath for whatever capricious reason – including such intellectually-deficient clots as Gordon Brown and his good buddy Lord Peter ‘Vermin in Ermine’ Scandalson - plus London bankster Baron Ja’akoff Rothshite - and international war criminal Tony Bliar – and the infamous Birmingham cat-binner, Mary ‘Moggy Killer’ Bale.

A radical cadre of the student group caused a hue and cry furore this summer when they burned a wicker work troika of the Holyrood establishment’s corruption-ridden scumbags - the SNP’s First Minister, Alex ‘Six Chins’ Salmond; Justice Secretary Kenny McAskill; and Caledonia’s split-arsed ex-Lord Advocate Elish Angiolini.

This was in protest for their officially-sanctioned conspiratorial cover-up of the burgeoning Hollie Greig paedophile rape scandal involving ranking Freemasons and officials from all departments of the Grampian region government authority: police, judiciary, social care workers, solicitors, doctors and teachers – and other members of the septic bureaucracy - who had sexually exploited and abused special needs children (both boys and girls) with impunity for over 20 years in and around Scotland’s notorious crime and kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen.

Further, this same cabal of criminals had expedited the murders of those who sought to expose their evil perversions - a case the establishment-controlled media system refuse to investigate along with the legions of self-declared moral do-gooders and petitioned Westminster MPs - that will go down in the annals of infamy.

The issue reached a critical mass state in February 2010 when Sassenach investigative reporter Robert Green, canvassing for votes for the forthcoming election in which he intended to stand as a Parliamentary candidate so he could then demand an official investigation into the paedophilia scandal from the advantage of a seat in Holyrood, was arrested on a trumped-up ‘Breach of the Peace’ charge and subjected to a series of preliminary ‘in camera’ kangaroo court hearings at the backwater Stonehaven Sheriff’s Court and slapped with a gag order.

The student body spit the proverbial dummy and went ballistic when the court declared Mr Green would not be allowed the magnanimous luxury of a trial by a jury of his peers – which the St Andrews’ radicals regarded as a gross miscarriage of justice in the making – a conspiracy to silence a crusader who was wielding the banner of Truth - and the only honest man who had ever run for public office in Scaberdeen and wanted nothing more than to publicly expose the elitist pederast ring comprised of Sheriff Graeme Buchanan and his Ferryhill-based Tartan Tadgers Club - so they were brought to book and no longer able to sexually abuse and traumatise children at will - and to achieve a reckoning of long-overdue justice and closure for Hollie Greig and her mother Anne.

St Andrews Students’ Union spokesperson Fellattia McGammer informed one press hack from the Immolators Weekly that "As students we believe in political debate, engaging those who we disagree with, and that all students at St Andrews have a valid opinion to contribute.”

"While burning the effigies does not violate any laws, we believe that the ritual immolation of political or public figures who demonstrate a very disturbing economy concerning matters involving the truth and have the fetid stench of graft and corruption permeating from every pore deserve this treatment to draw attention to and illuminate their crimes.”

“Well, as to these moronic accusations of us employing witchcraft and the black arts of Dahomean voodoo to bring about political changes - considering the frenetic reaction to last Friday’s burn-a-thon, the effigy bonfires are certainly one way of getting a point of political dissent across and publicised – which is specifically that is the sentiment of the hapless taxpaying voters who are fed up of being shit on from a dizzy height by successive governments.”

“Thus, by this rule we consider any and all political or public figures - regardless of gender, race, religion and political or sexual persuasion - or any other cultural distinction – to be fair game for our weekend bonfires.”

“As to last Friday night’s, we consider Barky O’Barmy and Posh Dave Scameron both to be Zionist stooges whose crooked administrations are infested with shifty Shylocks and Fagins – which serve to put the outrageous and whimsical demands of the illegal and outlaw state of Israel before the interests of their own national taxpaying electorates – and to the detriment of the usurped Palestinian peoples by ignoring their privations and plight.”

Thought for the day: The Home Office has labelled the incident as an outrageous display of dissidence and claims the St Andrews students are suffering from ‘Oppositional Defiance Disorder’ – which is caused by surfing alternative news websites, asking awkward questions, thinking for oneself - and hence disbelieving what the government and mainstream corporate-fascist controlled media tell you – and is an aberrant mental condition that requires long-term treatment with veritable cocktail of full strength psychotic medications.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

UK to Criminalise ‘Effin & Blindin’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A High Court judge, Mr Justice Bean, has ruled that common herd peasants should no longer be penalised for hurling profane obscenities at each other (or traffic wardens and the community enforcement clots from the Renta-Moron Agency) in public as such words are now part and parcel of the Children’s Hour television vocabulary - with the likes of Trumpton’s Captain Flack calling his fire brigade crew a bunch of lazy-arsed Bolshie bastards for going on strike - and as such expletives no longer cause distress, hence logically their utterance cannot be classed as a criminal offence.

Or so, at least, it would appear after Mr Justice Bean upheld the appeal of an Albanian pikey swan poacher who was convicted for repeatedly using some very naughty words (motherfuckin’ shitbags) while being searched for feathers and associated wildfowl DNA by a brace of Plod Squad thugs. The judge ruled that officers heard the expletive term in question directed at them all too frequently to have their seasoned sensibilities offended by it.

Justice Bean’s innovative decision, which has been strongly criticised by the Police Federation and local authorities as it’s one less offence they can impose an £80 quid spot fine for – comes on the heels of a protracted disagreement over guidance issued by the Metropolitan Police, which advised that the courts were unlikely to rule that plods would be caused distress by most swearwords as the more enlightened of their rank and file have become inured and reconciled to the fact they are precisely what the public perceive them to be – and refer to them as: a bunch of cunts - in a cunt's uniform.

Conversely, London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense has called for the Met’s advisory to be revoked - and the Home Office, in conjunction with the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money and the Department of What Can We Fuck With Next scheduled to hold a consultation into Section Five of Part 1 of the Public Order Act 1986, which has previously been applied to prosecute those who swore at plods, with a view to re-criminalising public swearing on the streets of Broken Britain.

While defenders of the use of profane language to get the message across may well cite their centuries-old right of free speech, the laws against public profanity do have a long tradition in our once-sceptred isle.
In 1601 the ‘Effing & Blinding Bill’ was introduced to the House of Conmans, but failed to attract enough support from foul-mouthed MPs – though in 1623 an amended act was passed against swearing, which the morose Puritans enforced with vigour – and threats of offenders having their tongues cut out or branded with a hot iron – (apparently a lot more painful than being branded with a cold iron).

However, the abolition of censorship in the 1960s – along with homosexuality being a criminal offence - gave free expression to many words and phrases which previously had been deeply taboo – such as shirt-lifter, faggot, fudger, turd burglar, cock-sucker, brown-hatter, kiddie fiddler, rug muncher – and oicks.

At the other end of the social scale, the British Tourettes Society spokesman Jack McSkanger told one press hack from the Expletives Gazette “Things is a bit better these days wiv all this Equal Rights an’ Opportunities legislation bullshit cos at least yer can go round wiv a ‘Tourettes Syndrome Approchin’ – Watch Yer Effin’ Ears!’ t-shirt on an’ swear yer fuckin’ head off an’ no fucker or their dog gives a shit – whereas years ago, you woz just branded a foul-mouthed cunt.”

“So all this bollocks wot Bonkers Boris is after pullin’ - makin’ it a crime ter loose off a few choice obscene swearwords or a string of four-letter cusses at the police is only gonna get people cursin’ even more. Especially wiv all these Occupy 99% protests goin’ on - wot does anyone expect tryin’ ter talk sense ter these fuckin’ moronic plods wot’s bin brainwashed – it’s like trying ter shove butter up a porcupine’s arse wiv a red hot knitting needle.”

“Then we gotta think wot the deal’s gonna be fer us fuckers wot’s sufferin’ from Tourettes, eh. Wot the fuck happens if this barmy law of Boris’s gets enacted? Wot’s gonna be the deal wiv these plastic PCSOs an’ Community Enforcement cretins around London? Are they gonna demand that yer wash yer mouth out wiv a lump of dogshit an’ try an’ fine yer £80 nicker?”
"They’re gonna cop fer our stock answer fer officious little twats - “Go fuck spiders” – an that’s got sweet FA ter do wiv shagging arachnids, now has it, eh.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wednesday 23 November 2011

Eurozone States Fall to Technocrat Putsch

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Established now as more at truth than wild rumour, Italy’s technocrat Prime Minister, Super Mario Monti Python (aka Three Card Monti has formed a cabinet composed of non-elected officials with zero political or government experience – and is the second to achieve a civilian ‘putsch’ for Brussels’ fascist hierarchy – following in Greece’s footsteps. So, is this going to be the way for all of the EUSSR’s 27 member states – or at least the 17 euro currency members – dictated to by a series of technocrat juntas?

Time for a spot of advanced guessology: who’s next for the ‘silent putsch’ – Portugal or Spain or Eire - the toothless Celtic tiger - to end up being dictated to by despotic and repressive unelected regimes, dishing out draconic austerity measures on hapless civilian populations – the merciless likes of which would have Stalin and Mao filing human rights abuse complaints with the UN?

Talk about achieving a silent, open door putsch – here as a classic example we have shit-for-brains Egypt, whose Bolshie peasants kicked out the Mubarak dynasty’s criminal kleptocrats with their People Power Arab Spring revolt and ended up with an obnoxious ‘military junta’? Que? WTF? And these thick tossers are supposed to have mastered the Golden Mean and built Giza’s pyramids?

And now the moronic populations of Greece and Italy are allowing it to happen before their very ‘myopic’ eyes – the Rothshite / IMF technocrats at the helm of power in their respective Parliaments - all high in oath and at full gallop to maintain the status quo of the doomed euro currency against all odds.

But, as Broken Britain learned with the hapless John Major’s fatally-flawed Exchange Rate Mechanism fubar - halting the inevitable surge of the tide of change didn’t work for King Canute and it doesn’t work today. The euro’s fucked with a large capital ‘F’ and it ain’t gonna recover – no matter how much ‘quantitative easing’ gets thrown at the problem.

Conversely, in the fascist mindsets of Krautland’s manky Merkel and the French mini-troll Sarkozy, those to blame for causing the eurozone’s current crisis are the countries that have inexplicably gone bankrupt – and too those on the verge of doing so.

So, for their unintentional states of insolvency, these ne’er-do–well peasants must undergo a harsh regime of austerity measures – a collective punishment – as per the sort the Israeli psychopaths are currently dishing out on the hapless Palestinian populations of the occupied West Bank and besieged Gaza Strip for having the audacity to petition for recognition by the Zionist-dominated corrupt United Nations assembly as a sovereign nation.

Ah well, while there is no such thing as ‘conventional political wisdom’ there does exist, and is all too frequently displayed, ‘conventional political stupidity’.
Albeit, this past couple of weeks has provided a learning curve for spectators – mainly in Greece and Italy –where we’ve been treated to a glimpse of the EUSSR’s ‘Gameplan 666’ as it slithers along the path laid down by the conjured eurozone crisis – the fatally-flawed single currency that has fucked up Europe’s fiscal systems like a soup sandwich.

Now Brussels’ next move to maintain the euro single currency will be to force the concept of ‘Federalisation’ onto the current 27 member states – declaring that national identity and sovereign independence no longer matter and are obsolete in the drive for achieving an all-powerful EUSSR with an economic system founded on the notion of hyper-inflationary Debtocracy.

Okay, it’s all a matter of rhetoric over logic to we poor sods comprising the ranks of the common herd - but for the tyrannical technocrats, driven by ideals that amount to more scent than substance, they can seldom see the wood for the lumberjacks.

Acting on orders from their New World Order ZioNazi fanatical eugenics-obsessed bosses they are bent on the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional European community and to dictate that local cultures adopt each other under a policy of forced indigenisation.

The wholesale disruption of global society is on the agenda – with the four major collective forces of Race, Religion, Family and Nation - the four iconic pillars of our human identity – targeted for dissolution – if we sit tight and defer from standing up to be counted and shout from the rooftops “NO MORE!”

At long last humanity is awakening to the fact they can use their numerical potential to throw the big finger at the system and cease to cooperate with their own enslavement – as per the realisation and declaration to the pondscum bankster elitists of “You are the 1%’ – we are the 99%” and the Occupy protests.

To misquote the French ‘Age of Enlightenment’ philosopher Denis Diderot: “There will never be socio-economic equality – and peace and harmony on Earth until the last of the Zionist banksters is strangled with the gutted intestines of the final corrupt politician.

Thought for the day: Thanks to the UK’s reluctant membership of this fatally-flawed continental European disaster of a community we can no longer buy a 100 watt incandescent light bulb and are stuck with toxic mercury ‘energy savers’ that are so inefficient you’re better off with a candle. And all to minimise our collective carbon footprint? Nope - all to profit some twat with a lightbulb factory.
Fuck Brussels and the euro – and the EUSSR - and the Rothshite crime syndicate’s New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Tuesday 22 November 2011

Elitist US 1% Brand 99% ‘Domestic Terrorists’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest and greatest hot gossip echoing from the Western foreign intelligence grapevine’s tom-toms claims the burgeoning civil unrest situation in the good ole US of A is about to go from ‘pretty bad’ to ‘fucking worse’ as President Barky O’Barmy’s high octane ‘Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act’ comes into force and has the trickledown tyranny potential for the Department of Homeland Insecurity’s thugs to imprison zillions of American citizens in the Federal Emergency Military Authority’s friendly concentration camps for the crime of opposing their government – by er – failing to agree with Washington’s policies.

The FBI, state police and intelligence services (sic) – plus a legion of Stasi-style neighbourhood snitches and grassers - are getting set to target ‘Truthers’ and every fucker and their dog who refers to O’Barmy as “the Kenyan cuckoo” or “Bari el Shabazz” and says “Doesn’t he look like Malcolm X” – or calls him “that Indonesian prick Barry Soetoro” – or disses him as a war criminal hypocrite with a Nobel Peace Prize – or mentions Chicago bath houses, Larry Sinclair, blow job, coke snorting and limousine in the same sentence – or voices opposition to his Rothshite crime syndicate bosses’ radical totalitarian socio-economic polices.

The draconic act was originally drawn up by super-shit Zbigniew Brzezinski and his team of neo-con traitors, then laid before Congress in 2007 by the multi-millionairess kikester stooge and ultra-Zionist Democratic Representative for CA, Jane ‘Botox’ Harman, and railroaded through the Lower House by a secret voice vote, but got kicked back by the Senate.

The bill, containing the most draconian laws ever introduced in a free society, has been in legislative limbo since, gathering dust until this past week when Brzezinski had AIPAC’s thugs twist a few arms and got the rabid pro-ZioNazi Joe Lieberman to push it through the Senate and then have it adopted by O’Barmy – the only American President to brand tax-paying US voters (what his Shylock staffers refer to as the 99%) as a threat to the nation’s security.

The O’Barmy administration is now in the process of forming a Congressional Commission to be tasked with taking punitive action against both radical groups and any and all individuals affiliated with them – a most disturbing bit of 1950’s déjà vu reminiscent of the alcoholic Tailgunner Joe McCarthy and his House Un-American Activities Committee’s witch hunts – which traipsed around the United States like the Spanish Inquisition, holding kangaroo court hearings to root out the Commies, demonise the Ruskies and legitimise the US’s Cold War mega-bucks military-industrial expansionism and nuclear arms race.

The first radical domestic terrorists to be hauled in and dispatched to FEMA’s Camp Despair (Red Zone) at Putah Creek CA this weekend were the scores of sit-in / Occupy protesters at the University of California - Davis who dared to lodge a complaint over being bombed with pepper spray – doused over their heads by a bunch of lard-arsed sadistic morons from the local police’s Thug Squad – who are too stupid by far to be cognisant of who the real enemy is – and like Hitler’s Nazi psychos before them, were simply following orders.

Okay, who or what constitutes a domestic terrorist? According to the DHS’s latest handbook on how to be a goody-goody compliant citizen - any fucker who files a Freedom of Information Act request – or dares question his IRS tax assessment – or demands to know who’s actually paying for the Hottentot-arsed Michelle’s luxury vacations – or dares ask when the BP Deepshit Horizon / Macondo Well blow-out clean up’s gonna be completed – and when the fish are going to get well again – and when, if ever, BP are gonna pay out any compo’?

Or how toxic is the Corexit EC9500A and Corexit EC9527A dispersants used to break up and ‘sink’ the oil plumes and slicks below the once-pristine blue waters of the Gulf of Mexico? And is the fact that these dispersants contain Nastylene Spewcol; 2-Buttholepoxalene; and Fuckurightup Sodium Sucknswallow the reason all the fish now resemble Blinkie – and kids are being born looking like rejects from the Mutant Chronicles?

Next on the arrest list after the legions of 99% protesters now spread out across the country are carted off to the nearest FEMA camp and dumped in the Red Zone with a taunt of “Occupy this, motherfuckers” - will be Dr Judy Wood and the Architects & Engineers for 9/11 Truth – a perfect example of a homegrown terrorist organization who have dared question their government’s propaganda that it was al Qaeda that did the Twin Towers and the Pentagon – and not Larry ‘Pull it!’ Silverslime or Mossad’s Hi-Fiving agents from Shifty Shylock Movers.

To add to the dystopic irony, O’Barmy has just signed into law the Press Freedom Act and can now give the Constitution and Bill of Rights the big finger by not only refusing to answer reporters’ questions but to cease holding press conferences – unless to spread some new black propaganda via the kikester's corporate-fascist controlled media machine.

Now the Great Saitan has the Great Impostor squatting in the White House Oval Office as their President – Barky O’Barmy / Barry Soetoro - this Irish-Indonesian-Kenyan cuckoo stooge doing his Zionist master’s bidding – and it’s all part of the US Project for a New American Century / Foeign Policy Initiative (read ‘Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion) global military (and economic) domination ‘Gameplan 666’.

For fucks’ sake, this goes far beyond anything Orwell or Kafka ever fictionalised – or Stalin and Mao – or the Khmer Rouge’s Pol Pot (Cambodian innovator of Pol Pot Insta-Noodles) ever thought up. A despot’s wet dream, no less, that would have Hitler applauding – and almost (but not quite) equal the Israel’s outlaw policy of snatching Palestinian civilians and arbitrarily tossing them into their notorious Facility 1391 interrogation, torture and re-education centre, to be bullied and tortured into insanity and rot away - or have their internal organs stolen.

So, now we know what the thousands of Nazi concentration camp style railroad cattle wagons are for – fitted out with shackles and parked up in sidings all around the country. Same with the Federal Emergency Military Authority camps with their Red and Blue zones (Red’s for the extermination chambers and gas ovens – Blue’s just for a spot of rendition) – and also the zillions of plastic coffins stacked up outside Atlanta, Georgia.

Thought for the day. In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth has become a revolutionary act. So don’t breathe too deeply and say "Thank fuck we’re over here in Europe" cos this entire scenario will be adopted by the EUSSR and Broken Britain – a martial law / police state where anyone displaying signs of ‘optimism’ will be classed as suffering from a severe mental aberration indicative of galloping psychosis – and definitely in need of a sub-dermal ‘Feel Good’ microchip.

As to the UC-Davis incident and the government using excessive police violence to repress non-violent political protests – pepper spray is sweet fuck all – just wait until they really get going - then Kent State will look like a kindergarten picnic.

Regardless, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Monday 21 November 2011

IAEA Joins Coalition of the Perjurers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, Fortress Israel’s ruling Ashkenazi Jews of convenience have done it yet again – as has been the perverse historical wont of these scheming disingenuous psychopaths since the time of Abraham.

Now the Chosen People pariahs have Russia and China fronting up against the kikester puppet US of A and nutty NATO for the biggest Mexican stand-off military clusterfuck in living memory over self-determination for the Middle East.
Here lies a grim future that will not be decided by a bunch of the London-based Rothshite crime syndicate’s stooges and associate dog wankers in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv – nor AIPAC-dominated Washington - as their post-Libyan holocaust battle plans unfold for the military conquests of Syria and Lebanon to put Hezbollah out of business as they make ready for their pre-emptive strikes on Iran – then Pakiland from Afghanistan in the north-west as India moves in from the south-east to claim Kashmir – and a few other odd bits and pieces.

And the excuse for the belligerent invasion and regime change in Pakistan? They’ve got the only Islamic nukes around.
How about Iran - a tactical shift from humanitarian intervention alibi this time around, perhaps? Now it’s going to be based on yet another bullshit dodgy ‘weapons of mass distraction’ dossier - a conjured report put together by the IAEA that’s more full of 'porky pie' perjury than the 2010 High Court trial record of the Congenital Liars Club.
Hopefully their weapons inspectors keep schtum and don’t end up ‘suicided’ in the David Kelly Memorial Woods at Grassy Knoll Park.

The gospel according to one report in Friday’s Pound of Flesh Gazette states: “The United Nations corrupt Zionist-dominated IAEA nuclear watchdog has passed a resolution expressing deep and increasing concern over Tehran's nuclear program and also calls for Iran to intensify dialogue with them to resolve the dispute over atomic weapons development – to which Iran apparently relied rather sarcastically “We’ll sign the nuclear non-proliferation treaty the same day that Israel does.”

The IAEA announced the agency could no longer dismiss evidence that Iran was involved in weapons research as a joint CIA/Mossad report, a copy of which appeared in this week’s Hasbara Review, provided hard evidence that Iran had carried out research relevant to the building of nuclear weapons – specifically President Mahmoud Ahmadashell and his cabinet had recently rented copies of ‘The Day After’, ‘Dr Strangelove’ and Jumping Jack Bauer’s ’24 – Season 6’ from Blockbuster Video.

Iran's IAEA envoy, Dr Ali Bongo Soltanpepper, told one press hack from the Shylocks Daily News that the resolution was a travesty of political manipulation, conjured in an attempt to justify and legitimise the illegal invasion of his country.

He further strongly criticized IAEA Director General Fuckio Alarmclock for the ‘unprofessional, unbalanced, illegal and politicized’ release of confidential documents relating to Iran's nuclear program to the permanent members of the UN Security Council, claiming that the measure has severely worsened the already smeared reputation of the agency as a kikester-run cabal mired in graft and corruption.

“This is all politically motivated by the Zionist’s corporate-fascist controlled media and Israeli’s al Jazeera propaganda and spin media machine - and just another excuse to forward the venal ends of the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion and their world domination plot to turn all the goyim into their slaves. Neither the chauvinist cult of Zionism nor the existence of the illegal rogue state of Israel can be defended - ethically, morally or intellectually.”

“These Khazar kikesters in the Jerusalem Knesset, PM Bobo Nuttyahoo and his cabinet of homicidal maniacs, they should not forget that we are the Aryans of Greater Persia and ruled a majestic empire long before Abraham’s tribe made this questionable covenant with their false god Jehovah-Saitan and started snipping the ends off their sheeny cocks.”
“If they chose this path to strike us then, to paraphrase their Tanakh’s Book of Jeremiah: ‘We shall bury them in Topet until there is no place left to bury’ – and the illegal state of Israel shall be Palestine once again.”

Hmmm, a great pity the UN / IAEA – or the good ole US of A global bully – didn’t pay such scrupulous and diligent attentions to the rogue state of Israel’s covert programme to develop a nuclear arsenal in the 1950’s and 60’s – expedited via espionage and theft of nuclear materials from their best mate America.

Further, and to the point, while focusing their condemnations and venom on Iran, is no-one expressing concerns that the only nation insane enough to actually deploy strategic nuclear weapons in an act of war (to date) has been that Shining Beacon of Democracy (or is it Hypocrisy?) the good ole US of A.
They, purposely and with malice aforethought, targeted Hiroshima and Nagasaki to observe ‘real time’ the maximum fatality head counts that could be achieved with 15 / 20 kiloton uranium and plutonium core devices respectively – plus see how much damage to the civilian infrastructure they could do in a ‘live fire’ test.
(That’s disregarding the post-9/11 US / Israeli false flag deployment of tactical micro-nukes – such as in a drain opposite the Sari nightclub in Bali).

Now here lies the crux of the problem. Iran, despite its fledgling nuclear program, threatens neither Israel nor the Great Saitan. The problem for the international banksters and globalists is the fact that Iran is not a vassal state mired in poverty and misery like many of its Third World neighbours – not does it take orders from the Rothshite / Payseur crime syndicates running Wall Street and the City of London.

Iran’s strength lies in its strict moralist Islamic faith – plus a boosted GNP through greater agriculture production and higher oil prices. The country has no kikester-controlled Central Bank, hence is not troubled by the same engineered recessions as Europe and the US – nor is indebted to the IMF’s banksters like the rest of the known Universe.
Plus President Ahmadashell and the Mullahs refuse to kiss Israel’s arse – hence the whole place has to be brought low, reduced to rubble and a puppet regime installed – along with a couple of the US global bully’s permanent military bases.

So, as the UN-mandated imposition of medieval sanctions is having zero effect on Iran, then the game plan changes to hammering them with an avalanche - a veritable bombardment - of strategic black propaganda, like Iraq and Libya before them – and the Israeli-US ZioNazi plot is to totally devastate Iran’s civilian infrastructure and utility services and reduce the country to a Stone Age condition, much the same way Iraq was levelled in 2003 by the Coalition of the Psychopaths in Operation Kill Every Fucker – and too Libya in the name of humanitarian intervention.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Baroness Udders Pleads Poverty

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

After proving to be slimier than a snot-soaked eel in escaping prosecution for embezzling £125,000-plus quid in public funds via her concocted expense claims, the suspended New Labour peer Baroness Manky Polo Udders is to be allowed back into the House of Lords without coughing up what the venal bitch owes to the UK’s taxpaying voters – due the fact that an Alice in Wonderland double standard system of justice still pervades Broken Britain’s legal system.

For the same crime in Saudi Arabia, the dumpy dwarf of a peer would have had at least one hand chopped off – but here in our once-sceptred isle this brazen immigrant mongrel - emanating a stench of graft and corruption from every pore and possessed with lashings of unqualified arrogance - is allowed under our unfit-for-purpose laws to rub the public's noses in the smelly brown stuff by strolling into the Upper House on April Fool’s Day 2012 - entitled to start claiming £300 nicker per day for sitting on her fat arse and scratching her crotch.

House of Lords spokeswoman Fellattia van der Gamm informed one reporter from the Ripoffs Gazette that allowing peers to return after being found guilty of wrongly claiming expenses and forcing them to repay what they owe were, moronically, separate issues.
“We have been led to understand that the baroness now disingenuously claims she’s spent the money and cannot afford to make the repayments demanded. Hence we have not received a single penny from the woman and trying to provide a declaration of assets is comparable to talking to a fucking wall – so any attempt to actually milk her for a full repayment of the embezzled expenses will be like trying to shove butter up a meerkat’s shitter with a red hot knitting needle.”

Baroness Udders, the type of person who gives illegal immigrants a bad name, was criticised for designating a house owned by her half brother twice removed in Bangladesh as her main home for four years - and for a further five years disingenuously stating for the public record that her main home was a flat in Maidstone that, according to neighbours, had been deserted since the kikester slum property landlord Peter Rachman went out of business.

The gospel according to community-orientated snitches, during that period Udders’ actual domicile was a three-bedroom house in Scumborough Hamlets, east London, rented from a social housing association – for which her unemployed spouse Kumar claimed Housing Benefit from the local council.

To wit, considering this evidence, the Lords Privileges and Conduct Committee concluded in 2010 that the claims for these two homes were made wrongly and in bad faith" – a euphemism for ‘criminal embezzlement’ - and called for the full amount of fiddled expenses - £125,349.10 - to be repaid immediately, if not sooner.

However the House of Lords – unlike the law courts - has no effective powers to force a money-grubbing peer found guilty of petty theft - or grand larceny as in Polo Udders case - to repay expenses or to maintain a Parliamentary ban until the embezzled money is repaid.

This issue was mentioned in a Lords standards and conduct sub-committee report, headed by the former head of MI5, Baroness Manningham-Bullshitter who warned "We do not consider that a member should be able to return to the service of the House while repayment of amounts which were wrongfully claimed is still due as this risks bringing the House into further disrepute. This is especially so if the member concerned is then able to claim further attendance allowances from the public purse – unfortunately a much-abused privilege conferred by the Queen.”
“Thus we suggest that if Udders does have the bare-faced gall to return to these chambers and chooses to remain delinquent in repaying the embezzled sum, we suggest that any and all future-claimed expenses are docked until the owed amount of some £125,000-plus quid tallies up.”

Within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 750,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes Mrs Udders condition - however it has been unanimously agreed by a conclave of her fellow House of Lords peers that the words ‘Thieving Cunt’ come pretty close.

Thought for the day. If there was any semblance of justice being dispensed in Broken Britain then the Baroness Udders - yet another money-grubbing elitist leech who thinks she’s entitled to shove her sticky felonious paws into the public purse whenever it pleases her - should have gone to prison alongside her equally-dishonest fellow House of Conmans MPs and House of Lords contemporaries.
Obviously, much to our disgust, this was not the case and the Crown Prosecution Service is negligent in failing to pursue legal means to facilitate the recovery of the embezzled funds via seizing bank accounts and / or other assets.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Sunday 20 November 2011

Skewed News Views Roundup

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Britain's cheapest lunchtime meal was unveiled yesterday by a bunch of moronic scientists at the Royal Society of Chemistry - the toast sandwich.

Having fuck all better to do with their time, Dr Beverly Titwank informed a press hack from the Dog Wankers Gazette that the RSC is intent reviving Mrs Beeton’s iconic Victorian ‘Beggar’s Menu’ dish, which – ‘surprise surprise’ - consists of two rounds of bread with a slice of toast in the middle.

Apparently consumed by their own shit-for-brains arrogance, the RSC’s anoraks and beardies are so confident this ‘recipe’ constitutes the cheapest lunch snack this side of the Hindu Kush that staff are sticking their necks out by offering £200 quid to any bright spark who can create a cheaper alternative.

Hmmm, easy – slash the calories and leave the toast out of the middle.
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The number of ‘ethnic minority’ pupils in England's secondary schools is increasing at a geometric rate – rising 57% since 2001 – with senior civil servant Arthur Fuctifino at the Ministry of Education revealing that government officials are stumped on how to deal with this brown and black head count phenomenon resulting from Empire’s day immigration and right of domain.

Once again, easy peasy – reclassify them as the ‘Ethnic Majority’.
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Okay, what bonkers prat escaped from the nut house and got a job with the EUSSR’s Department for Wasting Time & Money in Brussels - conducting a three-year study resulting in the release of a damning report this week that concludes no evidence exists to prove that water (good old H2O) prevents dehydration.

The study’s invigilators have thus concluded that the research results – which are totally at odds with both science and common sense – must apply to truth in advertising statutes and henceforth producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from making such false claims concerning the liquid - and will face a two-year jail sentence if they defy the edict - which also comes into force across Broken Britain next month.

Nigel Barrage, the UKIP leader and ultra-Eurosceptic MEP, informed one press hack from the Morons Gazette that “If there’s ever been an instance which clearly demonstrates the ingrained folly of the fatally-flawed great European project then this is it - stupidity writ large - denying what is patently true and known to every desert-dwelling Bedouin kiddie that’s had to earn his pocket money by taking the goats down to the local oasis. Really, what’s going to come next – a law against claiming that water makes you wet?”
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Enterprising Notting Hill drug dealer, Rasta Wormhole Jaffacake, was arrested outside Scumborough Hamlets Primary School this morning for offering pupils buying a bag of weed for a lunchtime ‘smoke n get stoned’ session the chance to try out a couple of lines of his finest uncut Columbian snort – which he described as an offer ‘not to be sneezed at'.
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The ubiquitous Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket chain - maintaining their moronic ‘soundbite’ maxim of ‘Every Little Helps’ – are now offering a free bog roll with every Salmonella Bros microwave-ready insta-slop Jalfrezi curry – loaded with extra laxatives in every arse-scorching slurp.
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Astro-scientists from Smegmadale University’s Department for Wasting Time & Money, who’ve spent the past ten years studying the solar system, claim they’ve found evidence of water ‘out there’ - just beneath the surface of Jupiter's icy moon, Europa - and liquid water could represent a potential habitat for living organisms – such as amoebic dysentery microbes and cholera.

Jupiter – not exactly round the corner is it? They don’t have to look that far – just point the telescopes at Thailand – as flood-invested Bangkok are bollocks-deep right now and have more water than they need right now, thank you.
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Benetton, traditionally marketed more as a prestigious designer Italian clothing company than a political propaganda machine, has pulled an ad displaying Pope Benny Ratflinger, the German built to last Mk XVI model, kissing Imam Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, a senior Egyptian Islamic cleric at the al-Azhar mosque in Cairo, following a barrage of complains and protests from the Vatican – plus threats of a personal visit from the Inquisition.

The ad, with its doctored image, was part of a global advertising campaign that consisted of photo montages of political and religious leaders smooching – which seems to have fallen flat on its arse.

Other images that caused offence featured the Kenyan cuckoo US President Barky O’Barmy deep-throating Chinese President Hu Jintao, and the mini-troll French President Nicky Sarkozy snogging Kraut leader Angela Merkel – after which she turned into a frog.

Vatican spokesman Cardinal Grafto Corruptioni, speaking to press hacks outside St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Catamites, branded the Benetton ad as absolutely unacceptable - using the image of the Pontiff – God’s Vicar on Earth, no less – to be manipulated and exploited in a publicity campaign with commercial ends.

"This is a grave lack of respect for Pope Benny – kissing another man – and a scumbag Muslim at that – thus implying he’s a raving faggot. If we haven’t got enough troubles with scandals over all these kiddie-fiddling priests, now we have Benetton implying the Pope’s a poofter too.”
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The latest from the Rumour Mill Gazette claims that the Bilderberger reptilian shape shifters have been staging decoy gatherings to avoid the gaze and protests of anti-globalists – with the most recent, held at the luxurious Suvretta House Hotel in St Moritz, being a red herring, attended by the elitist’s ‘lesser mortals’ gopher staff – while the top brass gathered sub rosa in the back room of an Aberdeen chippy.

While the 2012 Bilderberger’s’ has been, for the benefit of conspiracy theorists, surreptitiously leaked as being held on the orbiting International Space Station – currently being upgraded to the 5-star category – and finally fitted with a functioning flush crapper - the actual conclave will take place at Butlins holiday camp in Bognor Regis.
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Posh Dave Scameron’s moronic attempt to impersonate Australian Prime Minister Julia ‘Gidday’ Gillard’s Ozzie accent during his speech at the Lord Mayor's Banquet in London on Tuesday night has been candidly described as "so fucking bad it might well cause more than a diplomatic row and result in a declaration of war".

Scameron, the type of oick you can take anywhere twice – the second time to apologise – fielded a pathetic attempt to mimic Gillard’s distinctive Welsh-Adelaide twang - with the Sydney Morning Shitraker labelling the impersonation as “a bizarre display of idiocy by a real upper class dingbat. Is this public school ponce trying to take the piss or what?

So, Rory Bremner, relax, you’re job’s safe.

Meanwhile, Barky O’Barmy, the US cuckoo President, is down-under right now, hot on Posh Dave's heels and practicing his Ozzie accent – easy for a mimic who’s mastered Kenyan, Indonesian and Hawaiian already. Barky’s there on the orders of his main handler Zbigniew Brzezinski, chatting PM Gillard up to let the good ole US of A station a few thousand moronic Marines from the 82nd Cannon Fodder Regiment and 21st Body Bag Brigade, set and ready for when the planned conflict with the Peoples Utopian Republic of China kicks off.
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And now, for the biggest laugh of the week, a classical faux pas and piece of give-away from the septic lips of Lorna Fitzsimons, the ginger-mingin CEO of the pro-Zionist lobbying firm, the Britain-Israel Communications and Research Centre, who is still managing ‘damage control’ efforts concerning leaks by whistle-blowing snitches that BICOM maintains a policy of influencing BBC and Sky news editors to play down any and all critical narratives concerning stories on human rights abuses by Israel’s ZioNazi regime.

Fitzsimons, a former House of Conmans Labour MP, suffering from delusions of her own importance in the greater scheme of geo-political affairs, stated that “Public opinion does not influence foreign policy in Britain. Foreign policy is an elite issue beyond the intellectual scope of the common sheeple.”

Hmmm, and quite correct too. We have three major political parties: Labour, Lib-Dum and Conservative / Tory – all of which are headed by pro-Zionist elitists and have their own Friends of Israel Clubs.

Regardless that the consensus of Broken Britain’s public opinion might well be dead set against Israel’s human rights and wrongs record vis-a-vis their constant abuse of the disenfranchised Palestinian population of ‘Palestine’ (now renamed ‘Israel’) - as demonstrated by the wide-spread adoption of the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions campaign – the UK’s elected government ignores such condemnations by whingeing moralists and instead recently passed legislation to curb the reach and potency of the Universal Jurisdiction Law by introducing the bizarrely titled ‘Police Reform and Social Responsibility Bill’ – bestowed with Royal Assent to become law on the 15th September 2011 – which now indemnifies Israeli war criminals from arrest and prosecution when they visit Britain.
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* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.