Thursday, 21 April 2011

EUSSR to Form Own KGB

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Eurocrat hierarchy in Brussels are busy burning the midnight oil, scheming through the hours of darkness to set up a new EUSSR counter-terrorism agency that the Ripoffs Gazette forecast will cost British taxpayers hundreds of zillions of pounds – precious funds from the public purse that were ear-marked as Merry Christmas performance bonuses for struggling bankster’s.

News of the top secret spy agency’s formation was leaked to Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity by whistle-blowing moles operating deep inside the Brussels-based kleptocracy – who estimate the body could turn into a European-wide secret police force that would make the KGB look like PC McGarry’s Camberwick Green plod squad.

The EUSSR’s current counter-terrorism tsar Aldous de Sleaze, a former French urinal attendant, envisages the new organisation working alongside the community’s bloated diplomatic corps, headed by the piranha-fanged Foreign Affairs Secretary, Baroness Carrie Gashton – aka Big Brother’s ‘Sister’.

Monsieur de Sleaze is conspiring to amalgamate a series of existing EUSSR security agencies including Eurocreep, ScumCop, Spicprick, PikeyPol, Cesspit Plods and GyppoTech - all to be pulled together in one body with draconic sweeping powers to conduct unwarranted phone taps and make arbitrary arrests and no-limit detentions based on nothing more than intuition, a shifty sideways glance or the colour of a bloke’s socks – a system based on the highly efficient 1933-1945 Nazi German Gestapo model.

However critics fear that once given licence and free rein then the new agency will become yet another bloated bureaucracy wielding Kafkaesque powers across the expanse of the 27 nation dystopic community – staffed by the usual mental midget sociopaths and pariahs that seek dominant control over others through the medium of a badge and a uniform with shiny buttons.

Gnasher McTwatt, director of Ox-Rat, opined to one gutter press hack from the Tyranny Gazette “Yeah, just yer wait an’ see wot the fuck happens. Effin’ agents on every street corner an’ bus stop and train station platform – demandin’ ter see yer all-new biometric ID card wot’s gonna have all kinds of personal shit on it – even down ter wot colour skiddies or thong yer wear on a Tuesday. It’s just gonna turn out ter be an even more intrusive policing agency than wot we’re stuck wiv already wiv all this 'panopticon society' CCTV shite – checkin’ and controllin’ every effin’ thing yer do. And yer know wot comes next, don’t yer – effin mobile brain scans - wantin’ ter look inside yer fuckin’ head ter see wot yer thinkin’.”

Would you like to sign up and be a part of our ‘Secure Europe’ EuroPlod force? Can you learn to say “Ello, ello, ello – wot ‘ave ‘we ‘ere then?” in German, French or Serbo-Croat? Would the authorised right to give some swan-roasting pikey a good kicking appeal to the sadistic side of your nature?

Send us your comments using the online reply form below and you could be wearing a nice black uniform complete with double lightning flash runes and a death’s head skull on the epaulettes – empowered to stop and search whoever takes your fancy – including the tasty MILF with the big tits and bubble buns that lives down the road.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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