Saturday 31 July 2010

Gay Priests Top Kiddie Fiddling Scandal

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Father Fagarotti, Dean of Rome’s prestigious St Sodom’s College for Latter Day Catamites, today admitted to the Fudgers Gazette that the latest sex expose concerning the Catholic Church’s butt-fucking gay priests had succeeded in knocking the ‘ordained kiddie fiddlers’ scandal right off top place in the gutter press media.

Utilising hidden cameras, a journalist from Il Ass Banditeros - owned by Italian Prime Minister and super-scumbag media baron Silvio Berlusconi - filmed legions of dodgy priests as they attended gay nightspots and had casual sex with navy matelots, transgender nuns and a variety of cuddly farm animals at a Parco de Pederasti petting zoo.

Today there was no immediate comment from the gob-smacked Italian Bishops Conference and the Vatican - which has been rocked by a series of kiddie fiddling sex scandals involving paedophile priests since January 2010.
A preview of the Il Ass Banditeros article sent out by e-mail last night added that video footage from the investigation would be made available unless several sacks of large denomination Euro notes were donated to the news tabloid’s journalist retirement fund bank account in Zurich.

The article describes how the journalist, Cuntore Fuctifino was assisted by a transvestite 'accomplice' as they gate-crashed the wild nights of a horde of priests in Rome who live a surprising double-life – brimstone and fire condemnations from the pulpit and confessional by day - then a nightly convention of irrumatio and sodomy around the red light areas of the Eternal City under the dubious cover of darkness.

In it's expose preview Il Ass Banditeros declared “By day they are regular priests, complete with dog collar, but, at night it's off with the cassock and on with the suspender belts, fishnet stockings and bras as they assume roles of corrupt iniquity and become integrated members of the Italian capital's raving faggot scene.”

While the Catholic Church purportedly forbids priests to have sex with their choirboys and homosexuality is also viewed as a sin, Il Ass Banditeros described its investigation as 'deeply disturbing' as it detailed how six priests – one Irish, one Scots, one English, two Italians and a Frenchman - happily took part in gay events and had casual sex with each other and several sheep – joking on camera that “Oooo – eye of the needle syndrome - look at how tight this mutton’s arse is – just like an altar boy’s”

In 2008 the Vatican hierarchy’s hypocrites issued guidelines which stated that would-be clerics should not be recruited nor ordained if they had raving faggot homosexual tendencies – wholly ignoring the fact that was the sole reason they actually became priests – to feast at the epicurean tables of carnal perversion and dine regularly (and with impunity for centuries past) on banquets of pederasty and homosexual hors d’oeuvres and entrees - and desserts – to the point of Lucculan gluttony.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

SLUSH Technology for Sci-Fi Plods

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Smegmadale’s elite Plod Squad has begun trialling a sophisticated crime detection programme that bears alarming echoes of the Tom Cruise film Minority Report, in which psychic mutants, fed on a diet of Monsanto’s genetically-modified chew n spew foods, were used to stop villains before they committed a crime.

The system, known as SLUSH (Scally Limitation & Reduction Utilising Statistical History) evaluates crime records, intelligence briefings, offender profiles, junk food and sexual preferences - and even weather reports - to identify potential flashpoints where a crime is most likely to occur – such as a bank - and who will be most likely to pull this type of heist – usually a bank robber.

The “predictive analytics” technology has been credited as a key factor behind a 1% drop in hold-ups around the area’s 7/11 Stop n Rob convenience stores - plus responsible for a marked decrease in the instance of Satanic sex-related crimes and ritual blood sacrifices on the Smegmadale Moors involving groups of Catholic priests, freaky Freemasons, schoolchildren and sheep over the past three months.

Hector McTwat of the Smegadale Crime Analysis Unit explained to a reporter from the Scallies Gazette “This is more of a proactive tool rather than reacting after crimes have occurred. The technology is designed to do what police officers have always done - sometimes purely on instinct – looking for patterns to work out what is likely to happen next.”
“This is based on Chaos Theory coupled with our new ‘Best Guesstimate’ software programme and traditional ‘EEWHWHT?’ plod on the beat intuitive analysis. (‘Ello’ Ello, What Have We Here Then?) which has been designed to put officers in the area at the time that the crimes are being committed.”

“With this software coupled to the town’s CCTV cameras and the national crime database’s Snitch & Grassers programme, we reckon on fielding a squad car to an intended crime site minutes before the felons arrive to pull one off.” “Obviously this strategy has drawn criticism as no-one gets arrested and the scallies simply bow out when they see a bunch of plods and hence piss off into the next county to commit their crimes.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Friday 30 July 2010

Rail Ticket Machines Stress Commuters

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s rail travel firms are to be petitioned to radically simplify the operation of automatic ticket dispensing machines after a study commissioned by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money reported that passengers were being defeated and mentally traumatised by the bewildering jargon and idiotic barrage of misinformation and choices about ticket restrictions they faced when using the computerised devices.

Commuter watchdog POP (Pissed Off Passengers) reported that 90% of travellers preferred to queue to speak to the moronic ticket office staff, despite ticket vending machines being vacant.
This meant waiting times at ticket offices often exceeded the twenty-minute guideline in peak hours with people missing their trains altogether, then saying ‘fuck it’ and either going by bus or heading home again bemired in a sense of personal failure.

Instances have been recorded on station platform CCTV cameras of some passengers becoming so frustrated about which buttons to press next that they were driven to commit suicide by repeatedly smashing their heads into the machine’s screen.

Pissed Off Passengers spokeswoman Fellattia van der Gobble told a reporter from the Self-Harmers Gazette that ticket machines were particularly daunting for blind passengers or those catching a train for the first time - and people buying a different type of ticket from their regular run-of-the-mill commuting variety.
“We had a Mrs Hilda Titwank from Old Trafford trying to buy a £3.80p day return ticket to Bury on the Metrolink line only to be charged £647 quid on her credit card for a ‘super on-peak’ ticket for a Eurostar trip then ending up stranded in Brussels – which made a total bugger of her half-day shopping excursion.”

Conversely Helmut von Braun, technical director of train operator Rattle-Track, one of the first to adopt the new ticket dispensing machines, informed the media “It’s all a load of old bollocks, you don’t have to be a member of Mensa or have a degree in advanced computer technology to use our auto-ticket dispensers. It’s not really rocket science – but a sound knowledge of astrophysics does help.”
“Bear in mind that we train operating companies are in the business of trying to keep our customers happy but there’s not much we can do when 75% of your bog standard British public rail travellers are as thick as pigshit and can’t operate a simple ticket machine.”

Sapphie Dildodo, research director for the Association of Train Operating Companies, pointed out that the Pissed Off Passengers watchdog’s own market research figures indicated that a survey of more than 30,000 rail users revealed 7% were ‘sort of’ satisfied with ticket-buying facilities at stations – which was a vast improvement on the 2005 figure of 0%

Conversely Chantelle McScally, a 16-year old unemployed mother of three, told an interviewer from the Choo-Choo Review “I can’t say me or me mates are really arsed about the new machines or whether the ticket’s on-peak, off-peak, super off-peak or fuck off-peak cos’ we never buy one anyways an’ just show a false i/d card if the Rattle-Track plastic security plods doin’ ticket checks pull yer up.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

UK Prison Parties Get Nixed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Mr Crispin Klunt, the Libservative Minister for Locking Things Up, has been over-ruled by Downing Street after he suggested HM Prison inmates should be allowed to hold parties and enjoy themselves.
Klunt told a reporter from the Old Lag’s Gazette that a ban on inappropriate events inside the nation’s penal institutions, introduced in 2008 after reports of ‘Little Arrows’ fancy dress parties hit the gutter press headlines, should be classed as a Level 3 Daft on the 1 to 10 Bureaucratic Stupidity scale – right up there alongside Asbo’s and Community Service Orders.

However, when No 10, in a rapid response denial to avert a tidal wave of negative controversy, insisted there would be no such parties after Klunt's comments were reported in a national daily newspaper, he blamed the red top tabloids for an absurd over-reaction concerning the issue.

Posh Dave Scameron's spokeswoman Candida Muffrot informed the media that the prime minister still retained full confidence in his Minister for Locking Things Up - as long as he did what he was told and stopped trying to think for himself, adding “We will be advising Mr Klunt to engage brain before opening mouth in future.”

Klunt made the ‘Let’s Party’ remarks in a speech on the "direction and reform" of the criminal justice system, his first – and quite possibly last - major address on the issue since taking office.
His comments were reported on the front page of the Daily Shitraker, beneath the headline ‘Now You Pay For Prison Parties’, stating that Klunt's "astonishing and moronic declaration" had provoked furious reactions from inside the government itself and with the voting public.

Ms Muffrot commented that Downing Street officials had instructed their counterparts at the Ministry of Justice to make it very clear there would be no prison parties to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, Murderer of the Month awards or whatever – with the Channel 69 scheduled ‘Behind Bars Rapist Review’ and ‘Sodomist’s Paradise’ programmes cancelled in entirety.

“It has come to Posh Dave’s attention that the Minister for Locking Things Up had issued guidance to prison governors giving carte blanche in allowing jailed felons to hold parties, but we just want to make it clear to the public there will be no piss ups for inmate scallies at the taxpayer’s expense – or funded by criminal ill-gotten gains.”

This is the second controversial penal system issue to be pasted with lashings of media attention this week, with the first place going to Justice Secretary Fat Ken Clarke who attracted criticism from sections of the media and elements of his own party for his moronic statements that the prison population is too high and there existed no direct link between rising numbers of prison inmates and the negligible fall in the crime rate due the vacant roles of jailed convicts being immediately filled by budding scallies and unemployed felons with no burglary patch of their own.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thursday 29 July 2010

International Arrest Warrants Scam

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Since UK-based Palestinian sympathisers and human rights activists sought the issue of International Arrest Warrants to facilitate the apprehension of Israeli government and military officials guilty of committing war crimes against the besieged civilian populations of the Gaza Strip, then contemplating a trip to the UK by these specified Israeli war criminals has now taken on the childhood prospect of whistling past the graveyard at a steady jog – and not looking back over your shoulder.

However, true to traditional political hypocrisy and acting in a manner not conducive to the public good or interest, the Zionist-infested British government on Thursday submitted a proposal calling to amend its Universal Jurisdiction law, which will effectively prevent private individuals from filing lawsuits against ‘foreign leaders’. To clarify the issue this can be interpreted as Israeli war criminals posing as politicians, and if approved, the current law’s amendment will spare Israeli politicians and high-ranking IDF officers from being handcuffed and served war crimes arrest warrants upon their arrival in the UK.

This duplicitous amendment will serve the likes of the porcine Tipsi Livid, the Israeli opposition leader and former foreign minister who was forced to cancel a trip to London last year when faced with an international arrest warrant for war crimes committed on her watch during the IDF’s 22-day ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker and their Dog’ offensive on the civilian population of Gaza during the 2008-2009 Christmas Peace on Earth & Goodwill to all Men festive season.

Livid, whose prognathous jaw and generally fucked-up dentistry have equipped her to eat an apple through a tennis racket, was the one responsible for sanctioning the use of cluster bombs to be dropped on Gaza along with white phosphorus and depleted uranium munitions – claiming “Hey, it was Christmas so we lit up the sky with a few phosphorus shells.”

Now the arch hypocrite has stated in response to the Libservative ‘Friends of Israel’ toady bloc’s efforts to change the international arrest warrant laws – displaying customary kikester chutzpah “The West must differentiate between real war criminals and those who fight terrorism.”

Yeah, right - Israel the victim yet again. Whereas in all truth the rogue and outlaw state of Israel has with brazen hubris aforethought, long ago put itself above all forms of law – including God’s.

Meanwhile, the UK’s super-stooge Justice Secretary, Ken Clarke, told a reporter from the Hypocrites Gazette "This government’s commitment to our international obligations and to ensuring that there is no impunity for those accused of crimes of universal jurisdiction is unwavering – apart from when it involves the Israeli friends of Baron Rothshite.”

"It is important, however, that universal jurisdiction cases should be proceeded with in this country only on the basis of solid evidence that is likely to lead to a successful prosecution, otherwise there is a risk of upsetting our good Kenyan friend Mr O’Barmy in the White House and Mr Binman Nuttyahoo in Tel Aviv.”

"The Government has therefore concluded, after careful consideration and several nasty phone calls from Baron Rothshite, that it would be appropriate to require the consent of the pro-Zionist Director of Public Prosecutions Seymour Weaselstein before an arrest warrant can be issued to a private prosecutor in respect of an offence of universal jurisdiction."

The lard-arsed clot closed with the condemning statement "Britain is unable to play a leading role in the diplomatic world if foreign politicians cannot visit this country without fear of arrest – even if they are guilty of war crimes – or whatever - elsewhere. Obviously this will not include ex-Nazis or Iranians or members of Hamas - or Roman Polanski.”

The Israeli Ambassador to London, Ron Tosser, welcomed the proposal, saying it would prevent the manipulation of the British judicial system for political purposes. "We are convinced that this initiative will help Britain play a key role in the Mid-East peace process by keeping Israel armed with the latest weapons and maintaining our overkill military hegemony.”

Conversely the deputy PM Mick Clogg jumped into the press release fray with a statement not unlike his embarrassing House of Conmans faux pas this week when he admitted for the Hansard record that the Iraq invasion was illegal – declaring that the intended amendment to the international arrest warrant law wasn’t just meant to protect Israeli war criminals from arrest and prosecution in the UK but specifically the Pope.

Apparently the Forces of Darkness, acting on instructions of the Anti-Christ himself – Richard Dorkins, and his fellow atheist and demon-in-waiting Christopher Scratchings, have set their infernal legal beagles to task to secure an international arrest warrant for the apprehension and prosecution of ex-Hitler ‘Judeng’ member Joey Ratflinger – aka Pope Benny Mk XVI, when he arrives on a state visit in September, on charges of perverting the course of justice in protecting the Vatican’s hordes of ordained career sodomites and pederasts from prosecution.

Well, isn’t that just fucking great. International public opinion and moral conscience label the Israeli kikesters as war criminals for their inhuman acts of terrorism visited on the Palestinians and Freedom Flotillas yet the British government – stocked to the gills with ‘Friends of Israel’ club stooges and toadies, want the law changed so they can’t be prosecuted for their crimes when they travel to Britain. Now we have Pope Benny and his crew of kiddie fiddling priests being exempted from justice for their crimes too.

What a crock of hypocritical shite. While Peter Scandalson and the Broon Labour government were set to do precisely the same thing to please the Rothshite crime family consortium, now Posh Dave and his Libservative coalition are not only about to grant the Israelis absolution for their war crime sins but also the Pope – God’s crooked Vicar on Earth.

Hmmm, something stinks in Denmark – and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Libservatives Recruit ‘Cameron Judeng’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Libservative leader Posh Dave Scameron, Britain’s all-new ‘hug-a-hoodie’ Prime Minister, is set to kick start the Tory Party’s long-planned “National Citizen Service” campaign that he hopes (perhaps ‘prays’) will bring together teenagers from different backgrounds all across the country to become community volunteers and join in such healthy outdoor pursuits as poaching, mugging pensioners, gang fights, burglary, car-napping and al fresco dogging sessions.

Dave informed a reporter from the Yobs & Scallies Gazette that “Regardless of what our Labour sourpuss critics say, I’m positive my ‘Scameron Judeng Movement’, which is a minor but integral part of our overall Big Society project, will create a sense of community cohesion for Britain – just like it worked okay for that Hitler chappie in Germany.”
“Remember how they all looked really smart too. All those nice blonde Aryan types with their firm buttocks tucked sweetly in their leather Tyrolean shorts - and their black shirts and swastika armbands - going around the streets all happy and smiles, singing the Horst Wessel anthem - and chucking bricks through Mr Shylock’s windows.”
“Of course, our chaps won’t be doing any of that sort of thing as we don’t want to upset the local Rabbi or Baron Rothshite or his Israeli mates or they might come back and blow up the London Tube system again - and some more of Bonkers Boris’s double decker buses.”

Scameron has said that he hopes participation in the non-military, voluntary form of national service will become a “rite of passage” for all teenagers and an example to others in the Libservative’s drive to create a “Big Society” of volunteers and snitches (read ‘unpaid slave labourers) that is currently being organised by Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the Minister for Long-Term Policy Development (formerly the Department for Shagging the Cat / Daydreaming)

While critics have been bent double in laughter at the idiotic concept that teenagers would be prepared to give up their summer holidays to participate in the programme, the scheme is close to the Prime Minister’s heart.
“Really, just wait until Frankie Maude and Georgie Oddball have finished slashing the quangos - which has caused the knighted panjandrums in the Athenaeum Club on Pall Mall to shit kittens – then these volunteers will be the ones taking over those roles – and all at zero cost.”

The moronic plan is to put teenagers into mixed groups to ensure that they get to know youngsters from different social groups, ethnicities and parts of the country from their own – which critics have labelled as forced integration and brainwashing - more so than giving them a sense of common purpose, optimism and belonging.

Conversely Wilf Snott of the ‘Raving Racists’ movement commented to one reporter from the Apartheid Gazette “Wot Scameron’s plan is ter get all the kids interbreedin’ like an’ then yer gonna get ‘em shaggin’ each other an end up wiv shedloads of half-cast darkies an’ thievin’ pikeys wot’s gonna have Muslim grand-dads wot’s gonna teach ‘em all about bomb chuckin’ and shit like that. Then we’re gonna end up wiv a civil war an’ there’ll be no white fuckers left cos we’ll all have a bit of the golly tar brush in us, won’t we like.”

A military form of national service was compulsory in the United Kingdom between 1947 and 1960, and remains in place in several noteworthy repressive totalitarian states around the world, with absymal human rights records - including Russia, Israel, North Korea and China. Hmmm, nice one Dave.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Common Purpose and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Monday 26 July 2010

Airport Scanners Causing Cancer

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Widespread public opposition to the new full-body imaging X-ray machines used in the security screening of airline passengers - and the government's ubiquitous deployment of them at major airports - is growing at a geometric rate and expected to reach critical mass chain reaction proportions before the summer vacation season is out.

The invasive X-ray machines constitute a virtual strip search and were installed at airports around the world following the Mossad false flag terrorist bomb scam on Christmas Day over Michigan – in which a brainwashed Nigerian Muslim, Mohammed al Patsy, who worked at Detroit’s Grassy Knoll Book Depository, had been brainwashed and programmed to set fire to his jockey shorts and detonate a clutch of explosive skidmarks.

The US Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has blown more than $80 zillion bucks of tax-payers money on the purchase of 500 units, with 133 now deployed at airports around the country – and plans to install a total of 1,000 of the Insta-Tumour machines by the end of next year.

Conversely fliers complain they're time-consuming and constitute a definite invasion of individual privacy as they not only reveal concealed weapons but also personal ‘body jewellery’ – such as nipple barbells, clitty hood door knockers, labial rings and penile Prince Albert piercings – and will even reveal which horny bitches - or raving faggots – have a pair of Ben-Wah vibrating love balls stuffed up their snatch – or a sphincter-stretching butt plug in their jacksy.

Further, the world's airlines claim the ‘Death Ray’ machines shouldn't be used for primary security screening at all – and most definitely not on babies, children, pregnant women, the disabled – or anyone with a pacemaker, or undergoing chemotherapy, or suffering from epilepsy - or any of the myriad forms of cancer that now blight humanity’s health since the advent of things nuclear and the introduction of genetically-modified foods and GM-fed meats and dairy produce.

Hence such has prompted awkward questions to be raised concerning the detrimental effects of the emitted radiation from the machines on passengers' health.
One instance of concern in this area involved security officials in Dubai who, in light of evidence posted on the internet, have stated they wouldn't use the machines as they not only violate "personal privacy," but information about their "negative side effects" on health has been purposely suppressed to the level of outright conspiracy.

Chlamydia Muffitch, a columnist with the Ambulance Chasers Gazette, spoke to Seymour Weaselstein, director of the Big Bad Apple-based Personal Injury Claims Institute, who elaborated on both airline and passenger concerns. "The machines are running into complaints and questions here and overseas. The system takes five times longer to perform a full body scan compared to walking through a regular doorway-type metal detector.”

“Seriously, this is yet another disaster just waiting to happen. While the stooges at Homeland Insecurity and the Transportation Security Administration simply don’t give a flying fuck about people’s health, just you wait until all the tumours start popping up and folks catch on what’s caused them – either the body scanners or some GM food shit of Monsanto’s that they’ve eaten."

Reports originating from whistleblowers working undercover for Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers charity, reveal that security staff at Manchester International Airport in the UK have been using the ‘Death Ray’ scanners like a microwave by placing their meat pies and Pol Pot Insta-Noodle lunches on a table between the scanner beams for three minutes – a fact airport authorities disingenuously refute.

The latest and greatest in Death Ray full-body imaging machines are manufactured by the Israeli-owned 'Euro-Kikes SA' of Geneva so if your data flash drive data storage device or new Crapple ‘No Signal’ iPhone 4 goes tits up after an airport scan – or you start to grow nasty cancerous tumours in uncomfortable places – you now know who to instruct your legal dogsbody to sue the shit out of.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Scots to Ban Private Cars Before Next Ice Age

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

According to a report in this morning’s copy of the Tartan Tadger red top gutter press tabloid, zillions of pounds of taxpayers’ money has been squandered on sending council snoopers into people’s homes to hector motorists into giving up their cars and travelling by bus instead – or any other form of public transport owned by Brian Spewter and his Highway Robbery group.

Under the Scottish Government’s latest initiative to drive cars off the road (hence lose all revenue from road tax and fuel duties – que?) tens of thousands of hapless members of the general public have been lectured on their own doorsteps concerning Al Bore’s Nobel Prize-winning illusory fantasy termed ‘global warming’ and how they will be regarded as careful Christians and beloved of God if they switch to the Spewter-owned Highway Robbery public transport system – and warned that if they don’t then all the polar bears are going to drown and it’ll be their fault.

Four local authorities - Twathead-on-Sea, East Yobster, Scallydale and Fuckirk, have lavished £10 zillion quid on a string of preposterous green projects, which included sending officials from the Renta-Twat environmental quango on door-banging house visits where they shouted through the letter boxes “See you Jimmy – yer motor’s gonna be a scrapper if yer don’t open up!”

Councils at Knobhead Sands and West Kuntsbridge wasted £2 zillion nicker on a motley dozen ‘Jocks in Frocks’ personal travel advisers visiting 5,000 homes in their 4 x 4 SUV crew cab gas guzzlers, lecturing residents on how to adopt greener lifestyles and make a daily donation to Mr Spewter’s retirement fund by taking a bus or train controlled by the Highway Robbery transport monopoly.

Conversely it was later revealed in the Government’s own evaluation of the project that the vast majority of respondents (78%) advocated they enjoyed travelling by car - yet would prefer to walk to work – even if it was ten miles distant – or lash out and buy a mountain bike - rather than get on a Highway Robbery bus, tram or train full of pisshead thugs, druggies and puking alkies - and as far as they were concerned the endangered polar bears were shit out of luck and better practice treading water.

Official figures leaked to the Scandalmongers Gazette by government whistleblowers working for Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers charity, reveal that the four councils made almost 23,000 visits since 2008 with a further 14,000 porridge addicts spread across the Highlands due to cop for a call in 2010.

This fiasco, currently being lambasted in Westminster by the new Libservative coalition, was all part of a £15 zillion quid package of initiatives funded by the Scottish Government and councils under the SNP’s Numpty Dumpty Choices scheme, aimed at reducing the number of cars on Scotland’s roads to zero – with Sassenach tourists from south of the border having to park up at Hadrian’s Wall and walk - or take one of Mr Spewter's Highway Robbery buses.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Sunday 25 July 2010

Scots opt for Political Correctness Lunacy

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

‘Conduct Likely to Cause Outrage to Public Decency’ might well sound like some Sharia Law conjured up by the Saudi Mutaween religious police, but not so – it’s one of our soon to be legal Highland specials.

In October 2010 Scotland’s all-new ‘Sexual Offences Act’ takes effect and will hopefully be enforced across the entire Grampian area – especially so the kiddie fiddling crime capital of Aberdeen - to clamp down on the paedo’ Freemasons and local worthy elite kiddie fiddling scum who maintain the St Sodoms ‘Special’ School for Latter Day Pederasts at Ferryhill.

However, unlike the 2003 Sexual Offences Act that was written for England and Wales, the Scottish act contains a clause outlawing “Indecent Communication”.

Hence it will soon be an offence to whisper into the ear of some half-pissed yobette slut hanging on the pub bar “Do yer fancy a three-hole shagging session down Doggers Wood then – or a quickie knee-trembler out the back in the car park?”
If the slut in question decides this unsolicited ‘offer’ tempts her to lascivious carnal behaviour, then all well and good – you’re in – literally. Conversely, if she takes umbrage at the offer of having your cock shoved inside her, then she can summon the Plod Squad and ‘See you Jimmy - you’re nicked, my lad’.

Plain and simple, all they’re doing is to take the standard terminology for physical rape and applying it to what one person communicates to another – in either speech or wrting – and to be doubly clear on this it will apply to sign language, Morse code, cellphone texts, e-mails and semaphore.

Ah well, that’s the Scots for you. The blokes wander about in tartan frocks yet conjure up laws that would criminalise any and or all double entendres or innuendo considered sexual in nature or context.

Really. It was only two years ago their previous Sexual Offences Act was used to convict one hapless drunken twat for having sex with his bicycle in the privacy of his own hotel room – a case that ended up in court and his name on the sexual offenders register.
Now, while the poor frustrated bugger’s allowed to work in schools and have contact with children, he’s barred from going into Halfords or within 50 meters of a mountain bike for the next three years.

So this basically translates as the criminalisation of gregarious behaviour- or a lack of social intelligence - simply to prevent people hearing the wrong thing – which constitutes the wholly unjustified overuse of criminal law.

The gospel according to Mr Bumble the Beadle (Dickens really) stated in extract “If that sir is the law, then the law is an ass!”

Well, every grown man and woman is capable of articulating a two word sentence, such as “rearrange the following words into a well-known phrase or saying - ‘Off Fuck’

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

GPs Get Keys to NHS Piggy Bank

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to Libservative coalition leader Posh Dave Scameron, deputy PM Mick Clogg, and their child god chancellor Georgie Oddball, GPs should have total responsibility for the National Ill-Health Service piggy bank and its budget constraints - and not the dodgy trusts that have been siphoning the spondoolies off willy-nilly since New Labour took office in 1997 and put Gordon Incapability Broon in charge of the nation’s purse strings.

Government Ministers, in their infinite wisdom, (sic) believe GPs are better placed than grasping NHS Trust managers to respond to patient needs and are petitioning doctors to club together in consortia, alike a coven of accountant cum auditor types, and take control of zillions of pounds of funds for mental health, hospital and community services – plus design provisions for their own fees and pensions – and annual performance bonuses.

However this drastic move, while obviously being maligned and lambasted by the NHS Trust manager-losers, has been questioned by a plethora of senior Shitehall civil service mandarins as to whether the medical profession has the skills to take on such a responsibility as the majority of GPs actually know next to fuck all about medicine or human anatomy, never mind the enigmatic vagaries of financial management or creative accountancy.

Sir Irwin Bogbrush, head of the civil service, opined to one reporter from the Disaster Brewers Gazette “This scheme is okay in principle, wanting to empower doctors to have more say in how funds are budgeted and disbursed throughout the NHS, but to put them in charge of the purse – well, that’s a totally different matter.”
”Personally I know a swathe of GPs who can’t even balance their own cheque books or golf club bar bills, never mind the NHS budget. The entire scheme comes across as one of Georgie Oddball handing them financial control of the NHS and when it goes tits up then the Libservatives will turn around and declare it was the GP’s own fault and nothing to do with the government.”

The NHS budget for 2010 stands at £105 zillion quid –of which 80% was given to grasping local health managers working for 152 primary care trusts - which in turn sub-contracted and commissioned services for their own areas – ripping off mega-bucks through the middle man process of legalised embezzlement.

The GP move has long been championed by Health Secretary Andrew Landslide and in recent months the British Medical Association has indicated it is open to working with the Libservative coalition and the British Association of Chartered Accountants on the numpty scheme, which one wit tendered “You never know, we might teach each other a few new tricks.”

Hmmmm, new tricks eh. GPs into creative accounting and the bean counters covered in blood doing coronary bypasses.

Conversely, Dr Basil Throt-Nott of the Quackford Institute for Clinical Excellence opined to Pox News that if the GPs had control of the NHS funds then just think how many more old farts Harold Shipman could have euthenised.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Saturday 24 July 2010

Buck’ Palace Nixes Griffin from Garden Party

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

British National Party leader Nick Griffin will be denied entry to a Buckingham Palace garden party over claims he has used his invitation for political purposes and not to simply grab a pocketful of vol au vonts and cucumber and salmon paste butties.

Mr Griffin described the invitation on the BNP website as a "highly symbolic breakthrough" for the ‘Raving Racist’ party to be recognised, and appeared on GMTV’s ‘Blabberwocky’ programme to boast about it.

The Palace security chief Igor Molehusband told one reporter from the Ostentatious Waste Gazette that Griffin’s antics had increased the security threat and caused potential discomfort to the many other invited guests - especially so the foreign darkie types.
“The Grenadier Guards haff been furnished wiv copies of his photo and instructed to bayonet him or shoot on sight if he tries to enter the event by climbing over a wall or comes disguised as one of Princess Anne’s rabid Pit Bull terriers.”

All UK members of the European Parliament were invited to the event and the BNP’s MEP, Jack Snott, together with Griffin's wife Gobzilla, will still be allowed to attend so long as Mrs Griffin does not arrived garbed in her customary SS Death’s Head Stormtrooper uniform and brandishing a knuckle duster and riding crop.

The official Buckingham Palace ‘Secretary for Garden Parties’ Sir Mortimer Thort-Knott, informed the media "The decision to deny this individual entry is not intended to show any disrespect to the democratic process by which the invitation was issued but simply to keep out lard-arsed Paki’ bashers such as Griffin and his racist ilk.”
“Really, we have that Kenyan chappie O’Barmy attending too, the one who’s now the US President. It wouldn’t do to have Griffin and his BNP mates cornering him and making distasteful comments about his sun tan or the renaming of the ‘White House’ now would it.”

Conversely Griffin told the Daily Shitraker that the invitation has been withdrawn due him giving TV interviews about his attendance "Yeah right, it’s an effin’ scandal cos I represent a million voters in the North West of effin’ England an’ these dodgy royal gits don’t want ter hear me callin’ a spade a spade – even if it is a shovel.”

“So some twat complains an’ reckons I’m a racist an’ me - an elected official – gets his arse banned from the biggest state function nosh up of the year – then our democracy’s about fucked.”

“Yeah, yer got 8,000 bods invited, an’ half of ‘em are darkies an’ swan-roastin’ pikey types wot can’t even speak the Queen’s effin’ English an’ there she’ll be prancin’ around an’ shakin’ hands wiv the twats and what have yer.”

On first receiving his invitation Griffin had posted on the BNP website a comment describing the garden party invitation as a "breakthrough" for them and asked supporters to suggest what he should say to the Queen when they met.
This prompted a swathe of scurrilous replies from BNP supporters – none of which were considered anywhere close to being politically correct – and it was then decided that the Griffin beast wasn’t to be trusted at large in polite company.

Griffin closed his condemnation of having his invitation rescinded with the remark “When yer’ve already got twats like Virus Man Prince Philip there what’s the harm in havin’ a couple of other racist scumbags as well? I just hope it pisses down all effin’ day.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Plod Squads Morph into Storm Troopers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Northumbrian tranquility went tits up in a bucket recently when the quiesence of the serene woodlands, fields and hedgerows was disturbed by a mix of panic and farce due an inundation of Imperial stormtroopers led by Darth Vader – or someone with similar bronchial problems wearing body armour, a black helmet and goggles – and the Batman utility belt kit Mum bought them for Christmas.

While being sneered at and mocked by a mixed audience of grazing cows, curious crows, audacious cackling magpies, flocks of giggling sheep and a couple of cetes of outraged badgers, the Ninja-style Plod Squad rooted and prodded and poked around bush, shrub and tuft alike a gang of cub guide Brownies – all keen to draw second blood yet easy prey to fieldcraft snares, booby traps - and falling victim to their own innate clumsiness.

The Star Wars filmset auction sci-fi body armour and radios besides, there were automatic rifles, SMG’s, Street Sweeper shotguns, pistols and tasers – and all to hunt down the rogue bouncer Raoul Scroat and prevent him using his weapons of mass distraction to enact the downfall of civilization as we know it and kill every fucker old enough to bleed.

Just imagine the same Blizkreig turn-out to hunt the social pariah scallies who mugged your Granny of her pension giro last week – or the gang of yobsters who nicked the GPS out of your motor while you dived into the local 7/11 Stop n Rob for a pack of ciggies. Such a force in daily deployment actions of engagement would see Britain crime-free within weeks.
Which brings to bear the question – where the fuck do they keep these blokes when there’s no mass murderers on the loose – in the deep freeze or a cupboard? Definitely not on foot patrol around the highways and byways of our once-sceptred isle.

A long, long time ago (pre-New Labour/1997) Britain was policed by consent, where officers were viewed as citizens in uniform operating with the support of the public. Yet the overkill installation of urban CCTV monitoring and the militarisation of the beat bobby is eroding that unique social position - and asinine comparisons to fictitious plods such as the Beeb’s 1950’s ‘Dockson with the Green Dick’ are as true today as Apollo 11 ever landing on the Moon.

Hence the police have become the authors of their own controversies and negative predicaments, not least in the way they present themselves in public as posturing bully-boy jobsworths with a licence to maim. It’s not just the fact they get away – exhonorated - with dishing out beatings – the insult lies within the alarming reality the consider themselves divinely entitled to dish out beatings at all – beyond the judicial reaches of ‘accountability’.

Here we shall reference Cro-Magnon look-alike PC Delboy Smellie (fitting name) being acquitted for repeatedly brutalising a lightweight female G20 demonstrator, Nicola Fisher – mistaking her carton of orange juice for a weapon of mass destruction.
Yep, and this the day after one of his contemporaries from the same Renta-Thug Riot Squad had murdered an innocent passer-by news vendor, Ian Tomlinson, by laying gratuitous violent hands upon him – a crime still crying out to the sloth-like Crown Prosecution Service over Justice Denied.

Hmmm, perhaps this is where the Israeli IDF commando thugs got their ideas for the welcome greeting party they put on for the Gaza Freedom Flotilla activists.

So, in this day and age, since the advent of the false flag terrorist attacks of 9/11 and 7/7 and the demonisation of all Islam, and Muslims as suicide bombers, any Brit’ commuter sporting a sun tan and toting a backpack who catches the eye of a member of the Plod Squad automatically hits the deck, screaming “Help! Please don’t shoot! I’m not a Brazilian or an electrician!”

Is it fact or rumour that the last time a Met’ plod was disciplined for behaviour unbecoming an officer was when PC Candida Mingerot got her sad arse cautioned last year for using her pepper spray to spice up her lunch break cheese burger?

Subcontrary to the above is a further parallel inasmuch that Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson has criticised tributes which have been paid to the original subject of this pasquinade – looney Raoul Scroat - aka the People's Psychopath.

Stephenson’s ire has been raised by the abundance of flowers and cards that were deposited at the scene of Scroat's death and outside his home in Fenham, Newcastle; while almost 17,000 people have joined a Fuckbook group called “RIP Raoul Scroat – U is Legend!”
One of the cards in Fenham read: "A good mate, a good dad, good at school, well-mannered, hard-working businessman. That's the real Raoul Scroat."

Stevenson informed one reporter from the Subversives Gazette that the tributes were - in his superbly unqualified opinion - "extraordinarily disappointing". Well, that’s obviously what the British public think of your trigger-happy Robocop Plod Squad police state, Mr Stevenson. They ‘shock’ the fuck out of the bloke with unapproved taser weapons and then he ‘accidentally’ shoots himself with his own shotgun – without leaving any powder burns on flesh or clothing. For fuck’s sake – it’s hard enough to commit suicide with a standard shotgun – point it at yourself ‘and’ reach the trigger – unless you’re only planning on shooting your foot.

As if these shit-for-brains arrogant armed-to-the-teeth GI Joe cops aren’t enough to contend with, they’re now reinforced with untrained PCSO and Community Enforcement jobsworths on hire from the ‘Renta-Moron’ and ‘Thugs-R-Us’ security agencies. Rispect? I think not.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the woods and there’s a bunch of armed plods around searching for some absconded psycho, will they taser the poor fucker and tell the RSPCA it was suicide?

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Friday 23 July 2010

Tomlinson Murder- Justice Denied

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, we already know who put the T in Britain, and also the CUNT in Scunthorpe – now the question of the day is who knocked the big J out of Justice?
Yes, justice denied for news vendor Ian Tomlinson who suffered premeditated and unprovoked acts of gratuitous violence which were visited on his person – an innocent passer-by – and resulted in his death. Label it an ‘accidental killing’ or ‘manslaughter’ but they’re only euphemisms for ‘murder’.

Ian Tomlinson, 47, died after being assaulted by a member of the Met’s Territorial Sadists Unit assisting their home grown Riot Squad thugs on the 1st April 2009 during the City of London’s G20 protest demonstrations.
The Crown Prosecution Service yesterday announced it has ‘finally’ decided in its infinite wisdom, that the police officer who was filmed by Channel 4 News belting Tomlinson across the back of the legs with a steel baton then shoving him violently to the ground on King Kong Street outside the Bank of Never-Neverland will not face charges – criminal or otherwise - over his death.

Immediately after the assault Tomlinson is seen on CCTV dragging himself to his feet then tottering back onto Shitcreek Terrace from Royal Punch-up Passage. He staggers along for about three more minutes, before dropping dead on Muggings Hill – a mere 100 meters from where he was violently asaulted. Then, to add insult to injury, he was charged – posthumously - by Community Enforcement Officers from the Renta-Thug security agency quango, with lying on the pavement and causing an obstruction.

Director of Public Prosecutions Kermit Fuctifino told reporters from the Daily Shitraker and the Scandalmongers Gazette there was no prospect of a conviction for murder because experts could not agree on how Mr Tomlinson died – so obviously he would have collapsed and died precisely as and where he did regardless of the sadistic plod thug belting him across the legs and shoving him to the pavement -whereupon he impacted his head.

DPP Fuctifino explained there was a sharp disagreement between the so-called medical experts about the cause of death, which led to three post-mortem examinations being conducted on Mr Tomlinson.

The first ‘dodgy’ post-mortem examination by Dr Ramjam Chuckabutty, acting for the Met and the CPS found he died of natural causes linked to coronary artery disease and his addiction to Dolly Mixtures - with the extensive lesions and bruises to his legs, upper body and head inflicted by PC Ghengis McTwatt not considered contributing factors to his mortal demise.

The second autopsy, performed by Home Office pathologist, Dr Griswald Bogbrush, acting for the Tomlinson family, totally contradicted the first when it was discovered he had died of massive internal haemorrhages in both the cranial and stomach cavities as a result of blunt force trauma, in combination with a case of acute dandruff.

The third examination, performed by Dr Irawaddy Jaffacake, bizarrely agreed with the findings of both the first ‘corrupt’ and the second ‘honest’ post mortems – adding that Tomlinson’s chronic ingrown toenails might have caused his fatal fall.

The Crown Prosecution Service had considered filing assault charges but prosecutors considered it would be problematic to prove the push substantially harmed the newspaper vendor.
Conversely, a charge of common assault, which does not require proof of injury, could not be brought against the former Scumborough Hamlets Council tomcat strangler PC Ghengis McTwatt, the officer responsible for attacking Tomlinson, because of a six-month time limit statute and the investigation impasse caused by CPS and DPP dithering had taken sixteen months – to date and counting.

The Independent Police Coverups Commission completed their inquiry in August 2009 and handed a file of evidence to the CPS - whereupon a total lack of will, coupled with gross incompetence, caused the case to be shelved and gather dust until the statute of limitations for a charge of common assault ran out.

The CPS, and too the Metropolitan Policy Authority’s Assistant Commissioner Cressida Dickhead, have accepted the barbaric conduct of PC McTwatt was not very nice and perhaps bordered on being wholly unsociable if not constituting an unlawful act.

While the reaction from Tomlinson’s family – and too the general public – has been one of labelling the Crown Prosecution Service’s decision as "an effin’ disgrace” - Ms Fellattia Titwank, the press secretary for the Ox-Rat ‘Plod Watch’ charity, told reporters "This is clearly an outcome that satisfies absolutely nobody and everybody comes out of it badly.”

“The reputation of the police is fucked up like a soup sandwich already and labelled a sick and corrupt fascist establishment. We have that troglodyte PC Delboy Smellie getting away with brutalising a female protester - then nobody from the trigger-happy CO19 Armed Response Squad was prosecuted for murdering the Brazilian electrician chappie who looked a bit like Mr Al Qaeda - and to add insult to injury the clot who shot him seven times in the head actually got promoted for his gross incompetence. Now we have this horrifying Ian Tomlinson incident.”

“Hence morale is going to be piss poor if the public’s logical perception is that the police constantly get away with crimes and are never brought to justice. Now we have the DPP stating for the record that they can’t even charge PC Simon McTwatt with assault or misconduct – never mind murder or manslaughter - especially so when he has a past history of using excessive force and would likely as not get profiled as a psycho’ bully and sadist if he had to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.”

“Then we have the very questionable decision by the for the City of London Coroner, Dr Ronnie Shipman, to call in Dr Ramjam Chuckabutty, a forensic pathologist who no longer had a contract with the police force due his incompetent performance and an investigation into his professional conduct concerning cadavers and the rumours of necrophilia.”

“Really, when he was tasked with performing the initial post mortem on Mr Tomlinson he was already under investigation by the General Medical Council facing accusations of misconduct over his failings in a total of four unrelated autopsies performed between September 2002 and August 2004.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the UK's Fascist Plod Squad and the New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Libservatives Plan Tribal ‘Big Society’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron is getting ready to launch his "Big Society" drive and – in a true Alice Down the Rabbit Hole fantasy fashion, transmigrate the UK’s unwashed voting public to Autonomy Wonderland.

During a speech in Scouseville, Dave promised to train more community organisers (probably recruited from the 60,000 plods they intend to lay off), allow numpty charities to consult numptier civil servants - and use dormant seized drug money and jailed arms dealer’s bank accounts to fund projects – with a stated aim being to transfer power from the government to individuals by allowing communities and voluntary groups to help run public services – and when it all goes badly wrong and wholly tits up then the Libservative government can turn around and blame the stupid peasant classes for being such a bunch of thickies.

While the idea was a central theme in the Conservative general election campaign, in his speech the prime minister stated that community projects in four parts of the UK are to be given help as part of a bid to "turn government on its head".

Hmmm, New Labour have just spent the last 13 years doing precisely that – and succeeded to such a degree that now 95% of the shit-for-brains public – or the civil service - don’t know which way is ‘up’ anymore.

Regardless, Posh Dave and Lib-Dum partner-in-crime Mick Clogg claim each of the project areas will be given an expert organiser and dedicated civil servants to ensure "people power" initiatives get off the ground and inspire a wider change involving the empowerment of every fucker and their dog – even the unemployed and unemployable.

Nice one Dave – I thought that’s what we had the local council’s over-paid ‘Renta-Jobsworth’ for – or are they going to go the same way as the 60,000 redundant Plod Squad wallies? Please hand your uniform, boots, truncheon, cuffs, taser and pepper spray in at the door then proceed directly to the Jobcentre – and collect your fortnightly £60.50p giro as you pass ‘Go’.

Bless Posh Dave for his naivety, but at the scheme’s heart is the idea of government helping people, groups and communities take more control over their own lives – so we don’t have to vote for patronising imbeciles with public school educations to sit in Parliament and draw inflated salaries and dodgy expenses – and consequently – pensions to boot.

Providing an assessment of the plans the Daily Shitraker’s political editor Morton McTwatt explained "At it's heart is the idea of government helping people, groups and communities take more control over their own lives, doing themselves what the state does badly – like approving of every war crime Israel commits, and spicing up dodgy intelligence dossiers on weapons of mass distraction - then getting involved in the illegal invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq – plus the false flag 7/7 terrorist attacks on the London Underground tube train service – and the assisted suicide of Dr David Kelly.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thursday 22 July 2010

Bailiffs Guilty of Peace Camp Violence

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Perhaps Karma came into play yesterday morning to emphasise the reason why Irony should always be bestowed with a capital I, when a bailiff from London’s Renta-Thug security agency was recorded on three independent video cameras ‘and’ CCTV footage engaged in an act of gratuitous violence by kicking Wilf Bogbrush, a 96-year old demonstrator, while evicting him from the Parliament Square ‘anti-war peace camp’ opposite the Houses of Conmans.

Renta-Thug’s troglodyte bailiffs forcibly evicted the ‘peace camp’ protesters from Parliament Square on Tuesday after London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense obtained a High Court order for their removal – with video footage of the barbarous event showing one protester – er – ‘protesting’ – as he was being dragged along the ground by what little grey hair he had left, by bailiffs - one of whom, Ghengis McMoron, then appears to kick him in the ribs and stamp on his knees in an attempt to elicit cooperation in expediting the eviction order.

Renta-Thug has stated they will review the CCTV footage and investigate the incident. However, company director Fellattia Titwank, speaking to one reporter from the Barbarians Gazette, claimed that after watching the footage in slow motion she was of the opinion the bailiff in question, Mr McMoron, had simply been trying to free his foot from the protester’s mouth after having it bitten.

The demonstrators had been camped in Parliament Square since May, renaming it ‘Democracy Village’, and were protesting about several contentious issues, including the illegal invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq – and the sale of the iconic Harrods to a bunch of dodgy Muslim terrorist types.

After viewing the footage of Mr Bogbrush getting dragged out of his cardboard box den by the hair and then subjected to a good kicking simply for violence’s sake, Ms. Chlamydia Mingerot, the official press secretary for the Greater London Authority, told a reporter from the Daily Shitraker that “The action to clear Parliament Square Gardens on Tuesday morning was carried out by approved High Court bullies from Renta-Thug in accordance with the judgment to repossess the site.”

“The Metropolitan Police were on standby during the eviction but made no arrests. The Met’s Plod Squad officers were there to support the Renta-Thug bailiffs, plus be on standby to prevent any breach of the peace."

Rumours are rife that Met officers did observe the six foot-odd cum 250 lbs Ghengis McMoron kicking Mr Bogbrush but declined to intervene due fears of receiving similar treatment themselves as the bailiff bore a striking resemblance to the recently-snuffed Tyneside murderer and cult criminal celebrity scally Raoul Scrote – aka the ‘People’s Psycho’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Posh Dave’s WW2 Faux Pas

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Libservative leader Posh Dave Scameron, the UK’s ‘Hug a Hoodie’ Prime Minister, unanimously described by friends and critics alike as a ‘right dozy twat’, illustrated for the entire world yesterday his lack of knowledge concerning British history when he declared that Britain was a ‘junior partner’ to its United States ‘Big Brother’ in the Second World War conflict against Herr Hitler and his Nazi hordes.
Posh Dave confirmed his total ignorance of WW2 history by being blind to the fact that the actual conflict kicked off smartly in September 1939 and the Yanks never bothered to get their arses involved until after the Japs fucked up and bombed Pearl Harbour over two years later.

Scameron, the MP for Shitney in Poxfordshire, dropped his faux pas clanger during a speech at Washington’s elite Prats Club, while reflecting on his version of the UK’s ‘special relationship’ with the US that has grown following the Boston Tea Party and the disastrous War of Independence, when he praised US participation in “That bit of a scuffle we had with Mr Hitler’s bully boys over Poland and you guys joined in and saved the day for us - again.”

Labour’s shadow foreign secretary David Millipede opined to the Daily Shitraker “One has to ponder on Posh Dave’s grasp of reality at times. Not only does he state we should be ‘hugging hoodies’ and other associated yobs and scallies as they’re simply misunderstood – now he’s off praising the Yanks for saving our arses in World War Two when we had been fighting against the Nazis since 1939 and the US decided to join in over two years later – which was slightly better than World War One when they arrived three years late to help out against Kaiser Bill and his mob.”
“All they ever did from 1939 to 1942 was supply us with some war materials such as bubble gum, Hershey bars and condoms – while their dodgy banks and Grand-Daddy Bush supported Hitler.”

Sir Armitage Shanks, director of the Imperial War Museum, told reporters “Good grief, what do they teach these upper class cloth-eared clots at public school? Paying fees of £25,000 quid per term and they don’t even know the basic history or facts concerning the biggest human conflict of the last century.”
“I mean to say, what the hell is he doing over there anyway - arse-kissing and toadying to this Kenyan impostor O’Barmy that’s wiggled his way into the White House on the strength of a counterfeit Hawaiian birth certificate?”

Sir Armitage’s remarks prompted hacks from the gutter press to get their arses out of the pub and into researching Posh Dave academic achievements while attending Eton and Brownose College, Oxford.

While gaining noteriety as a complete toe rag poofter, obsessed with wind turbines while at Eton, Scameron went on to become a 'Hurrah Henry' member of the Oxford student dining society, the Bullshitters Club, which has a nefarious reputation for its outlandish drinking culture and association with buggery, boisterous behaviour and damaging property. Just the educational curriculum required for the future leaders of the country. Fellow members worthy of note are London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Chancellor George Oddball.

As one of Scameron’s Poxford lecturers, Professor Bogdoor, once commented on his former pupil's ideas about a "bill of rights" to replace the Human Rights Act, stating "David is a most confused individual. I've read his paper and the ideas therein and it's filled with contradictions. There’s a couple of fair points but one glimpses them, as it were, through a mist of complete misunderstanding.”

Hmmm, hardly a recommendation for the post of Prime Minister.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Poxburgh Climategate Inquiry Whitewashed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to the red top banner headlines of today's Daily Shitraker and the Scandalmongers Gazette both claim that the Poxburgh Inquiry into the University of East Anglia Climategate imbroglio, wound up in April 2010, was the biggest whitewash since Lord Mutton’s coverup of Dr David Kelly’s ‘assissted suicide’ in the Grassy Knoll Woods.

Evidence provided by UEA whistleblowers working for 'Blabberwocky', the snitch and grassers chairty, proves that Lord ‘Ronnie the Rat’ Poxburgh, in the course of his inquiry into the Climategate scandal, permitted culprit numero uno Dr. Phil Jones, chief of the UEA Climate Research Unit – the academic at the centre of the AGW scam scandal whose raw data was crucial to the theory of climate change – to endorse (read Pick n Mix) what evidence to review.

Hmmm, as Ms Constance Dandelion opined in her Heretics Chronicle column this morning, did no fucker or their dog involved with this inquiry ever ponder on the irony of a man accused of lying, cheating, and generalised dishonesty – and out to save his own arse - being asked to give his honest opinion of the dodgy evidence he originally presented as gospel truth and ‘hard science’?
Especially so Jones – a man who ended up on the Sex Offender’s Register following his conviction for grooming underage sheep on the Facebook social networking site.

Regardless of his past crimes and misdemeanours, what a brilliant defence strategy – an inquiry where the defendant gets to determine beforehand exactly what pieces of evidence may be presented at his trial.
Yep, truly a fascinating concept to include in the field of jurisprudence. Akin to a murderer disallowing the introduction into court evidence of Exhibit A – specifically the gun with which he committed the crime - or denying the eyewitnesses at the crime scene, who saw him pull the trigger, the right to testify.

Hence, to add insult to injury, when you let the accused endorse which pieces of evidence might be a fair sample, it’s no fucking wonder the verdict keeps getting returned “Not guilty, M’lud”.

The habitually disingenuous Professor Jones informed the Climate Scam Review yesterday there was a certain element of truth in the observations of colleagues that he lacked organisational skills and his office was a veritable shitheap, swamped with piles of paper and that his record keeping was ‘not as good as it might be. Further, he added, neither was his memory up to it anymore – except for remembering the fact that it was his turn to feed the cat tonight.

Thus the data crucial to his famous ‘hockey stick graph’ used by climate change advocates to support the theory of Anthropogenic Global Warming has been lost – or as critics claim – never existed in the first place, with rumours abounding that he simply used the profile edge of his daughter’s school hockey stick to plot the controversial graph as he’d misplaced his ruler.

In light of the hacked e-mails scandal revealing that scientists were manipulating data and conjured the entire AGW scam to suit the nefarious requirements of their masters and sponsors, Jones also conceded the possibility that the world was a lot hotter in medieval times than now – suggesting global warming may not be a man-made phenomenon and have sweet fuck all to do with human activity – or cows farting – or the rise in the incidence of drowned polar bears or penguins dying of heat exhaustion.

The raw data, collected from hundreds of weather stations around the world and systematically analysed by Dr Jones’ unit, has been manipulated for years to bolster efforts by Rajendra Pachauri, the shifty Neanderthal look-alike chief of the United Nation’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, to cajole world governments into cutting carbon dioxide emissions by enforcing the carbon credit cap n trade exchange racket on the hapless global peasantry.

So, is that now it for the Anthropogenic Global Warming scam alarmists? Has their not-so-carefully crafted AGW scam and carbon credits cap n trade exchange money-spinner gone down the Swannee? Do you think Big Al Bore should give the Nobel Prize back? How about that shifty twat Rajendra Pachauri, the IPCC chief – should he go back to his job on the railways and stop telling porky pies about the Himalayan glaciers melting?

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Wednesday 21 July 2010

Afghan Kleptocrats to Control of Aid Funds

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The US Muppet President currently perched on the Afghan throne, Hamid ‘Watch yer Pockets’ Kami Karzai, is to sit up and beg for greater control of his country's multi-zillion dollar aid budget at an international conference in Kabul this week.

The ex-Unocal Oil gopher and NWO Neo-Con political stooge, who is classified by the Taliban as a total pariah and unacceptable to all Afghan tribal sects as the country’s Pres’, disingenuously poses as a Sadozai clan leader who boasts he’s entitled by vested hereditary right to lord it over the Popalzai, but is actually from the shit-eating Shamizai tribe.

(For the record the Shamizai are a low caste crew of cave-dwellers cursed by Allah to be hewers of firewood and bonkers of goats – and of late proscribed and stigmatised even further by the international online credit check facility ‘Bilker & Welch’ as a bunch of disreputable debt dodgers whose antics would shame a gaggle of Albanian pikeys)

Family, friends and critics alike all describe ‘Halitosis Hamid’ as a shifty git that prompts you to count your fingers after shaking hands with him.
From early teenage days of flogging his sisters to Soviet troops (Hey Ivan – you want nice smelly Afghan pussy?) Karzai went on to take a post-graduate course in Generalised Villainy at the University of Jaffacake in India, where he made an art form out of graft and corruption.

At a head honcho ‘jirga’ in Kabul this week Karzai will promise the thirty-eight foreign ministers from NATO and other criminal states to take on more responsibility in return for increased security – and a bigger slice of the foreign aid pie.

Currently only 20% of international aid is distributed via the dodgy Afghan government due the fact the Ministry of Corruption and its internal Vice Squad can’t keep their sticky felonious fingers out of the cookie jar.

On Monday the US Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton informed one reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette that the jirga (conference) - the largest to be hosted by the country since the last one - "Is going to bestow greater Afghan participation and leadership, which is only fair considering the money we’re raking in from their opium crops - plus all the freebie real-time field experience and target practice our troops get shooting at their peasants.”

Clinton’s press secretary Ms Sapphie Dildodo informed assembled hacks in the bar of Kabul’s prestigious two-star Mujahideen Hotel that US President Barky O’Barmy was "pressing the Afghan government at all levels to be more accountable with the aid money following recent revelations of large villas in Dubai being funded by corrupt payments siphoned from aid budgets and the purchase of second homes in Switzerland ready for occupancy when Kami-Karzai & Co are forced to flee the country double-quick once the Taliban kick NATO out.”

Conversely critics state that any foreign aid money thrown into this cesspit of graft and corruption is wasted as Hamid Karzai’s ‘Me First Kleptocracy Party’ simply pilfer the funds as fast as they get deposited – on such extravagances as the Minister for Caves, Mohammed al Twatt justified to NATO auditors as “My brother does not yet have a swimming pool at his holiday chalet in Switzerland so I borrowed a few million bucks to help him out.”

Clinton was tasked by O’Barmy to dissuade Karzai from any attempt to make peace with Big Al Qaeda or Taliban Dan or any other militant groups the US considers to be ‘not very nice people’ and possibly opposed to their Zionist plans for world conquest under the handy deception of ‘fighting terrorism’.
"We would strongly advise our good buddies here in Afghanistan to deal only with those who are committed to a peaceful future through our ‘Operation Enduring Warfare’ - and that’s us – the United States of Israel.”

Whereas the Taliban, perhaps reflecting on their country’s reputation as the ‘Graveyard of Empires’, have insisted they will fight until all foreign forces leave – just as they drove out the conquering army of Alexander of Macedonia in 327 BCE – he with a Pashtun archer’s arrow embedded in his chest. Then we have the manky hordes of Tamelane – followed by the equally-manky hordes of Ghengis Khan; proceeded by the Mughal interlopers from India; the ignominious failure of the Great Game with the defeat of the British Raj (Khourd Caboul massacre-1842) and the Soviet Russians: 1979-1989.

However, instead of studying the warrior philosophies of Sun Tzu and Bud Wiser (Buddha’s smarter brother) the United States has exercised its customary brazen hubris and said “Fuck it!” - throwing caution to the winds – and will thus end up on the shit heap of Afghan history along with all the others.

To this end one is left to ponder if Hamid Karzai recollects the barbaric fate of his predecessor – the Russian stooge Mohammad Najibullah - after the Soviet troops pulled out and left the Afghans to self-determination under the rule of the Taliban. Will history repeat itself once the Yanks and NATO skip out and the Taliban move back in – yet again – alike some revolving game of déjà vu?

To prevent the above from occurring, security forces have been out in Biblical multitudes in the Afghan capital ahead of the conference, with scores of checkpoints set up across the approaches to the city by local troops – which are conspicuously unmanned as soon as it goes dark.

Several loud bangs were heard near the diplomatic and government quarter late on Monday, which caused a whole skew of politicians to suffer involuntary bowel movements, before press correspondents determined they were actually caused by one of Mr Achmed’s ‘Jolly Jihad’ commuter buses backfiring.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of 100% proof exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

UK Banksters Labelled Usury Freaks

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Britain's banks are "ripping off" their customers, Business Secretary Vince Cobble opined during an interview with Channel 69’s ‘Scumbags Review’ programme earlier this week.

Cobble stated for the record that forcing banks to change their practices would be a key test of the Libservative coalition government’s determination for positive change to the financial system - in wresting control of the country and the economy out of the greedy grasping clutches of the Rothshite Zionist crime family consortium and their associated banksters and shifty Shylocks.

Hmmm, so there’s one the previous Business Secretary, Lord Peter ‘Vermin in Ermine’ Scandalson never bothered to comment on – that the kikesters were ripping us all off – as if we were too thick (or moneyed) to notice. Well, let’s be honest, Scandy is the guy who evolved dishonesty into an art form.

Cobble’s comments, which are obviously going to make him as popular in the City as a leper with the flu, come as research for the ‘Scumbags Review’ reveals that high street banks surveyed are charging as much as 167% interest on unauthorised overdrafts – with actual authorised overdrafts charging an average of 32% interest, despite advertised rates of around 19%.

In response to the findings Cobble told hacks from the gutter press "When we talk about restructuring the banks what's going to come out of this is a more competitive system where the customers are not ripped off as badly. What we have today is paying the price for a lack of healthy competition in a banking marketplace dominated by a few big kikester players whose primary cultural activity has forever been extracting interest from counterfeit money – plus their obsession with ridiculously exorbitant bonuses which continues to be immoral and wholly unacceptable.”

“Just look at the ex-Royal Bank of Scumland boss Fred Greedberg. His incompetence caused the collapse of the bank and prompted a government bail-out – then he took early retirement and walked away with a £703,000-a-year package - including a £2.7 million lump sum - despite leading the bank to the brink of disaster.”
“Really, the modus operandi of these capitalist parasites reflects their lack of moral compass and they require bringing to heel. What we need is Jesus to cast them out of the temple.”

Candida Titwank, head of financial planning at SG Scumbros Bank which examined the true cost of overdrafts, urged consumers to read the fine print on their account details – which is normally located on a flyer you threw away and written in Sanskrit - font 2 grey – with English versions on request from the bank’s Delhi call centre. Just ring 0845 666 666 and ask for Rashid.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Tuesday 20 July 2010

Lard-Arsed Kids Next For Child Care Grabs

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

UK parents who fail to enforce passive control and guidance to ensure their obese children eat and exercise correctly (five a day plus a good wank) – according to the dictates of Big Brother’s polite society dystopian dogma and what the EUSSR’s so-called pediatric health experts ordain - could be guilty of child neglect and find themselves investigated by the British Satanic hierarchy’s social engineering Gestapo – and their kids hit with a compulsary care order.

So, who investigates and reports on such heinous crimes as having chubby sprogs? Why, none other that the UK’s Social Services (SS) childcare Mafia – comprised of pathetic pariah scum from the government’s Renta-Bully and Morons-R-Us agencies and quangos, who abuse the power of their bureaucratic position to play out their addiction of imposing their perverse will on others.

Truly a cabal of psychotic jobsworths, armed singly with an NVQ 1 qualification in Family Dissolution from the Common Purpose social engineering organisation (not to be confused with the distressed marine mammal charity - Common Porpoise).

The gospel according to child health experts claims that parental failure over diet and exercise subsequently becomes a child protection issue. Oh yes, you heard it right – more kids snatched from loving parents under the dubious statutes of the enforced secrecy scam by ’in camera’ courts - to become kiddie fiddling grist for the Vatican and Freemason-sponsored St Sodoms Church of Latter Day Pederasts orphanages.

These are spread across the entire UK like fly shit on a map, protected by establishment elitist paedo’s who block the media with slander and libel writs and court-issued restraining orders from mentioning ‘anything’ about their disgusting perversions – as so well evidenced by the ‘special schools’, foster care homes and orphanages that comprise Grampian’s Aberdeen (crime capital of bonny Scotland) Pederast’s Paradise. (Ref. Hollie Greig sexual abuse case)

While children are being ‘legally’ stolen on a colossal scale by State-run courts all over the world - for sale and barter – and blood sacrifice - between the elitist kiddie fiddling Satanists comprising the New World Order’s hierarchy - the UCL Institute of Child Health in London today published online in the British Medical Journal an article on what they accept is a potentially contentious issue – in which they dare to suggest, in their infinitely unqualified arrogance, that it may be appropriate to consider the child protection register if the kids are either too fat – or too thin – with congenital family traits being wholly ignored.

Sister Fellattia Titwank of the Vatican-sponsored Blessed Marian Sacred Catamite Orphanage group in Belgium informed one reporter from Der Sphincter Stretchers Gazette "We suggest that childhood obesity becomes a child protection concern when parents allow their kids to eat half of the crap that adorns supermarket shelves and isn’t really fit for human consumption in the first instance. Chippies, crisps, processed tinned foods, microwave-ready meals, fizzy soft drinks – all full of toxic additives like aspartame and MSG and artificial colourings – or GM by-products.”
“It’s hardly any wonder these kids are hyper and attention-deficient and on Prozac - with spotty complexions like a set of dominoes. What they require is a strict regime of diet and exercise which they will never find imposed in their own homes – hence the absolute necessity that they come under State care orders and a Catholic asectic lifestyle.”

So, will your kids pass muster of a multi-disciplinary assessment for obesity, along with slack school attendance, exposure to violence or involvement in it, neglect, poor hygiene, mental health problems, emotional or behavioural difficulties?
Not to worry, just wait ‘til they catch the perverted eyes of one of the government’s Social Services childcare officers and they’ll end up in a foster home under the aegis and wardenship of some kiddie fiddling perv’ who’s actually top dog at the local Masonic lodge - and a Sherrif or Magistrate to boot.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Freemasons and Big Brother – and his sister and their New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Flushed Away – Just Like That!

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In an asinine bid to comply with draconic EUSSR statutes governing the anthropogenic global warming scam and the imposition of carbon credits cap and trade exchange regulations – and thus avoid total bankruptcy, undertakers in Scotland have devised a totally Naziesque scheme to reduce their personal carbon footprint. They intend to stop burying – or cremating – dead bodies (yep- human ones) – and thus harvest a boon in carbon credits.

In what sounds alike a bad TV plot rehash of the 1940’s John Haig ‘Acid Bath Murders’, the ‘Jocks in Frocks’ Undertaking Institute is planning on dissolving corpses in a caustic solution then pouring the remaining ‘sludge’ into the sewers – which must qualify as the most ignominious of send-off’s after expiring your mortal span. Hmmm, Earth to Earth, Ashes to Ashes, Sludge to Sludge – and down the crapper you get flushed.

The ludicrous move, whose surreal purpose must have its dark and irreverend origins birthed within the scatter-brained schemes of Wiley T Coyote - or Wallace and Gromit - is intended to tackle a lack of burial space and environmental concerns as 573 lbs of carbon dioxide (CO2- the stuff plants breath in and exhale as oxygen) are released by every 140 lbs cremated corpse (work the dodgy maths out on that one) – each being enough in itself to melt dozens of ice flows around the Arctic and drown several families of destitute polar bears.

Under the process, known as ‘resomation’, the body is tucked up in a biodegradable wheelie bin bag, with that placed inside a metal cage frame. This is then loaded into a steel chamber known as the Resomator where bodies are treated in with potassium hydroxide at high pressure and a temperature of 180 Centigrade.
The raised pressure and temperature means the body reaches a similar end point as in standard cremation in a couple of hours, with just the skelatal remains to be ground up – in your standard kitchen style Bosch ‘Bone Grinder’.

The result is a small quantity of shit-tinted liquid containing amino acids, peptides, sugars and salts – which when dried becomes a white ash that can then be returned to the next of kin of the deceased.
Although the ashes can be recycled in waste systems, the highly toxic residue from the process may also be put in urns – or egg timers – or snow dome paperweights - and handed over to relatives of the deceased like the normal remains from crematorium farewells – which many surviving loved ones blend with a few grams of coke or ganja and enjoy an up close and personal bye-bye ritual ceremony through smoking or snorting the mortal remains with a narcotic substance of choice.

Several ‘progressive’ states in America – including the Nazi-governed California - have opted for resomation to get rid of the millions of ‘Red Zone’ domestic terrorist bodies expected to be rolling out of the gas chambers at the FEMA Death Camps when martial law kicks off big-time.

Hmmm, and what does the Catholic Church have to say on the sacreligious indignity involved in being ‘liquified’ in corrosive toxic chemicals then flushed down the toilet like a dead goldfish? Alas, the body be the Temple of the Soul.
So far, sweet fuck all. Too busy sweeping kiddie fiddling scandal debris under the nearest convenient carpets.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thought for the day: Soylent Green anyone?

Monday 19 July 2010

Singapore - A Clean & Green Dictatorship

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

While Singapore might boast being Clean & Green (and Sterile) – and in actual reality as much fun as a course of chemotherapy - officialdom in the Kafkaesque island republic definitely does not tolerate criticism in any shape or form – a fascist fact dating back to 1959 when Lee Kwan Spew, the 126-year old Monkey King look-alike, first became Prime Minister.

So, what are Singapore’s governing Mafiosa catching international flack for this time? Why, none other than the arbitrary arrest of British author, Alan Shadrake, as part of a criminal defamation investigation.
Police slapped the cuffs on the 75-year old Mr Shadrake when he arrived in Singapore to promote his new book – the content of which has apparently upset officialdom’s fragile sensibilities – as each chapter serves up copious helpings of distasteful Truth – hence Prime Minister Baby God Lee and his ruling Very Strict Paranoid Psychotics Party (VSPPP) have rightly decided the book’s release in Singapore is not in the public interest.

Police spokesman Inspector Flip Flop Fong told a reporter from the Big Brother Gazette that “Shadrake is being investigated for alleged offences of criminal defamation and any other crimes the attorney-general and public prosecutor can think up – such as an order of committal for contempt of court.”

Shadrake’s book ‘Once a Jolly Hangman: Singapore Justice on the Dock’, includes an interview with Sum Dum Fuk, a former tomcat strangler who became the career chief executioner at Singapore's Changi Prison. Besides a regular schedule of hangings, Dum Fuk’s job description included dishing out daily caning sessions with the rotan on hapless prisoners for such heinous crimes as jaywalking, littering, smoking in public, possession of chewing gum, daubing graffiti, having long hair, independent seditious thinking and asking awkward questions at college.

Former police officers, human rights activists, opposition politicians and lawyers were also interviewed for the book – with many of them transgressing the unwritten rule of telling the truth about how habeas corpus is a joke in the dystopian island republic.

Conversely the Very Strict Paranoid Psychotics Party’s spokeswoman Ms Yu Wan Wank informed the BBC’s SE Asian correspondent, Mr Tic Tac Toe, that the book had not been banned but that the government had advised book stores not to stock it – or else the store managers might find their children going missing and getting sold to foreign kiddie fiddlers - and their shops torched by Ang Soon Tong triad enforcers.

In a separate incident, Singapore has recently banned a movie made by local film-maker Kun Kare Less about a human rights activist, once again claiming the film was not in the public interest as it shows the government up to be a bunch of paranoid twats that are intellectually ill-equipped to tolerate and respond to criticism.
The film centres on former political detainee Hu Dun Wot and features him making a rare public speech about why he was unfairly jailed by Lee Kwan Spew. Mr Dun Wot was detained from 1963 for two decades as part of an operation that the government maintains was to end political opposition in Singapore.

The human rights and wrongs organisation Amnesty International claims Singapore has a history of using laws which allow for civil defamation actions to stifle any and all political opposition – while the VSPPP-run government has consistently maintained that its draconic laws are necessary to protect and guarantee Singapore's ruling oligarchs from the penniless ‘have nots’ scum of this world.

In 2007 the Singapore government was accused of acting like a Soviet or Nazi "authoritarian state" after refusing to allow European Parliament members to speak during a forum on ‘Democracy’. Hmmm, one wonders if the irony escapes them.
The seven MEPs, as well as a Cambodian government representative from the Pol Pot Insta-Noodles Party and a Republic of the Philippines congresswoman, Imee Fat Cat, were denied permission to speak at the conference to which they had been invited.

"Singapore's politics are reserved for Singaporeans. As visitors to our country, foreigners should not abuse their privilege by interfering in our domestic politics or passing opinions," Singapore's Ministry of Home Affairs pronounced in a statement to the island’s compromised toady press.

One MEP likened the Singapore government to repressive regimes such as North Korea, Myanmar and the People's Republic of China - whereas the Singapore government stated for the record that foreigners did not have permission to address the event. The MEPs had been invited to speak by the Singapore Dumbocratic Party (SDP) led by Ms Sue Doku, opponents of the Very Strict Paranoid Psychotics Party which has ruled the island state since 1959.

Such is the will of the ruling elite who run Singapore on a Meritocracy basis – alike Orwell’s Animal Farm – where all animals are equal but some pigs are better than others – especially the Chinese variety who are ranking members of the Ang Soon Tong triad.

It is also known for the ultra-fascist views of penultimate leader Lee Kwan Spew and its strict social controls over the diverse population - dominated by 77% ethnic Chinese with the remainder comprising of 15% Malay, 7% Indian - and 1% foreign authors imprisoned in Changi Jail.

Several members of Lee Kwan Spew’s triad-mongering family hold prominent positions in Singaporean government and high society, with Lee declaring himself Minister Mentor when son Baby God Lee became Prime Minister - to perpetuate his family’s autocratic control over the Singaporean cash-generating machine that runs on black money. Oh yes, the oldest trick in the political handbook – never relinquish power – not even for a single term.

Well, that’s Singapore for you. Their ultra-fragile sensibilities get easily upset, especially so when foreign (or domestic) critics start telling the truth and the Very Strict Paranoid Psychotics Party decide in their infinite wisdom that it’s not in the public interest to be informed they have a dodgy government staffed by triad criminals who thrive on the graft and corruption their official positions provide.

Where else would you find a Prime Minister who gives up smoking then imposes his will on the entire island republic – no smoking within 100 meters of Harry Lee.
A man who abuses his office to promote his shit-for-brains 32-year old son Lee Hsien Loony to Brigadier General – and then Prime Minister a few years later.

The Singapore justice system stands as a joke, and only a single step above Sharia Law in a backward Dark Ages shithole like Saudi Arabia when it comes to draconic regulations.
But read the body language on the streets – especially so with the youth – and sense the festering subversive resentment contained beneath the gossamer veneer of community contentment – ripe for revolution whenever the opportunity presents itself to get the tumbrels rolling.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.