Saturday, 27 February 2010

RBS Banksters Get Bonus - For Making Loss?

Once again the latest and the greatest from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

The Royal Bank of Scamland (RBS), which is now 84 per cent owned by us – the British common or garden taxpaying peasants - will pay out up to £1.7 billion in bonuses to its greedy, inept cash-rapist banksters after reporting a £3.6 zillion pre-tax loss for the past financial year.

Hmmm, getting paid a bonus for making a total bollocks of things financial - when they’ve invested public money in buying unsecured sub-prime porridge debt derivatives from the likes of Fannie Fuckwit and Freddie Frog Savings & Loans banks?
Now, if that makes sense to any fucker and their dog please drop me a message into an empty bottle of Old Headbanger lager and bung it into the nearest convenient river.

The loss for the 12 months to the end of 2009 is – fortunately - less than the £5 zillion forecast by the incompetent morons running the bank - and far below the £24.3 zillion loss that RBS reported for 2008. Wow, lucky us – and if it wasn’t for bad luck we wouldn’t have any.

However, the bank is facing a whole shitpile of severe – and well-deserved - criticism over its decision to reward its investment banksters with bonuses worth £1.3 zillion, or 27 per cent of its revenue, after receiving trillions of pounds in taxpayers' money during the recession to save it from collapse while the rest of us ended up joining the ranks of the ‘less’ – jobless, peniless and homeless.

Other minor bank staff – a couple of rungs down the food chain ladder - such as the boot lickers, bailiffs, nasty letter writers and bog cleaners will have to make do with sharing a mere £400 million quid in bonuses between them.

Morton van Leech, the current CEO of the Royal Bank of Scamland, who replaced that feckless dogwanker –the brass-necked and brazen Sir Fred Spinawin, told a reporter from the Usury Gazette that he was obliged to pay out commercially competitive bonuses to retain staff, adding that the “thousands of his ‘top-performing people’ who left last year to find better jobs as turnip pickers in Poland and Bulgaria, might have increased the banks’ profits by £££ multi-zillions of pounds had they been paid their customary mega-bucks bonuses and stayed on.

“We will continue to lose staff because of the tightrope we are walking. Retention of staff is my single biggest problem – next to anal retention,” Leech told Pox News, adding that the levels of media scrutiny the bank's commercial decisions received were his and the staff's “crosses to bear” since shit-for-brains decisions by banksters caused the last major fuckup in 2008 and put every action under the vigilant and interrogative gaze of the public watchdogs.

Yesterday, FUKUP, the body charged with overseeing the taxpayers' investment in the nationalised banks, gave its approval for RBS to pay the bonuses – pending the actual receipt of their stipendary 15% kickback fee into an offshore tax haven numbered account in Cuckoo Clock Land.

RBS staff who earn less than a paltry breadline salary figure of £39,000 per annum will be able to receive their bonuses immediately and in cash, up to a maximum of £20,000.

However executive directors have deferred their 2009 bonuses until 2012, and all bonuses awarded to those earning over £39,000 will be paid in three tranches over the period to June 2012 – and delivered via wheelbarrow in cash or negotiatable bonds – just in time to spend before the December-scheduled End of Times Apocalypse.

Sir Hugh Jampton, the chairman of RBS, told Fux News: "We share the public's concerns and we understand that it is impossible to defend some of the historic Croesus-style pay practices of the industry – but you really can’t blame us for being a set of greedy bastards and looking out for ourselves – society’s to blame."

Last week Sir Irwin Slugg, the chief executive of Barclays, and Billy Bob Dorkbender, the president of the bank, announced they would not accept a bonus this year but try to make do and ends meet on their basic salaries of £1:5 million quid apiece.

Conversely Mervyn Kong, the current chief of the privately-owned / Rothshite-controlled central Bank of England, told the Insolvency Gazette that there should be much more Quantitative Easing (money printing) to offset and delay the imminent – and well-overdue - complete collapse of the British Pound – which is already devalued against virtually every currency barring the Zimbabwean dollar.

But while the Bank’s interest rate remains lower than a snake’s bollocks how can any economy be expected to recover or thrive – and PM Broon and his pet toads Peter Scandalson and Darling Alastair claim we’re out of the recession - Que?

Utter bollocks – the UK’s mortally-wounded economy – initially midwived by Thatcherite de-industrialisation - is set to crash on a Biblical scale – then Britain will experience a recession of Third World basket case proportions – with redundancies and unemployment, personal bankruptcies and home repossessions reaching Guinness Book record levels.

Bring on the Revolution brothers.