Wednesday 29 July 2009

Saudi Royal Slut Granted UK Asylum

Political tensions between oil-rich Saudi Arabia and Britain were elevated to a fresh high this week when the leaked news of a Saudi royal princess being granted asylum from religious persecution in the UK hit the media headlines.

The Saudi Arabian princess, who had an illegitimate child by a heathen infidel British man, has been granted asylum in the UK according to a Home Office / Borders Agency secret report leaked to the Sunday Shitraker by a Whitehall cleaning lady – Mrs Rita Snitch.

The classified documents state that 16-year old Princess Fellatia al Shufty Bint – a married woman - was allowed to stay and given asylum in Britain after pleading before an Immigration and Asylum tribunal judge that her love affair left her at risk of being stoned to death or beheaded – or worse - if she returned home to the backward and barbaric Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

Princess Fellatia, who was given a promise of anonymity from the court until her name was obtained by the Sunday Shitraker under the Freedom of Information Act, is married to one of the Saudi royal family’s filthy-rich legions of fat wastrel minor monarchs – Prince Rashid al Nastygit , who is also the Kingdom’s current Minister of Tents.

After her outing the princess agreed to grant an interview to the Seraglio Gazette, informing reporter Candida Muffitch that she had recently been elevated in rank from Favourite Concubine 28 to Wife Number 6 but was sick and tired of having to wear a burkah and hanging around the harem all day watching Koran reading competitions on Saudi’s singular television channel.

She bribed one of the harem eunuch’s to allow her to use his laptop computer and started an illicit affair on Facebook with an Englishman – Morton McScrunt – who was working in Saudi as an oasis consultant.

Princess Fellatia is apparently renown for a history of being a radical non-conformist – dating back to her schooldays when she educated herself in the Three R’s by filling in Sudoku quizzes and reading smuggled copies of the Daily Sport.

She was arrested by Saudi’s sadistic Mutaween religious police at age 13 and sentenced to 20 lashes in Jeddah’s public flogging square for eating Spam Fritters which are considered ‘haram’ - or forbidden - under numpty dumpty Islam’s draconic Sharia dietary laws.

Fellatia’s father, Sheikh Well Before Using, a former tent folder, is the senior secretary at the Ministry of Goats – a position he secured by selling Fellatia off to Prince al Nastygit in 2007.

The Facebook relationship quickly developed and the couple absconded from Jeddah on one of Prince al Nastygit’s favourite racing camels – which promptly gave him the hump and initiated a major manhunt.
However the couple sneaked across the border into the UAE with Fellatia disguised as a British expat plumber’s mate returning to London to treat an oestrogen hormone imbalance.

Once safely ensconced back in the UK Fellatia became pregnant which she initially claimed was due sitting on a hotel bathroom’s toilet seat after her paramour had used it.
After giving birth secretly at a Priory Clinic, she took a case to the Immigration and Asylum tribunal which has now resulted in her being granted permanent refugee status.

The Saudi Embassy has since lodged a formal complaint with the Foreign Office, issuing an ultimatum for the deportation of the princess to Saudi to stand trial before a Sharia Court for her crimes of adultery and procreation with a white infidel pig – further threatening to cut off the UK’s oil supply and cancel all BAE arms deals if their demands are not met.

Gordon Brown’s trouble-shooting Minister for Sorting Shit Out - Sir Wilberforce Fuctifino - today sought to appease the Saudi’s by stating the British government truly envied their strict code of Islamic discipline and wished we had a similar system of laws here in Britain.
Conversely he further pointed out that would unfortunately mean oil-rich Saudi Arabian wastrels could no longer visit Britain to gamble, get pissed and screw white whores around the London night club scene.

Business Secretary Lord Peter Scandalson, always quick to jump into the thick of things and make himself look a bigger twat than he already is, has – in an effort to stay the threats of an oil embargo and cancellation of the BAE arms deals - reportedly offered the right hand of friendship to the Saudi Ambassador - which apparently belonged to the Immigration and Asylum Tribunal Judge who granted Princess Fellatia refugee status to avoid religious persecution.

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