Tuesday 2 June 2009

Real Life Walter Twitty Cons Missus

The British ex-wife of a man who posed as a member of the mutant Rockefeller oil dynasty has told a Boston court she had no reason to doubt his life story and think he was a lying twat.

Sandra McDork said her husband called himself Clark Kent Rockefeller, claimed to have attended Yale from the age of 12 due his genius IQ and held the patents to the left-handed coat hanger plus several more hi-tech inventions.

In fact he was an unemployed Albanian pikey swan roaster named Popcorn Python, who is now accused of abducting Snarly, his wife’s Turkish Muffhound after the couple's marriage broke up during their honeymoon on Coney Island.

Python’s lawyers say he suffers from delusions and did not know it was wrong when he snatched Snarly the dog.

They have further submitted clinical evidence to the court proving that Python lives in a magical, insane world – very similar to that of banksters and stockbrokers until the big crash in 2008 – and are pleading diminished responsibility on his behalf.

Federal investigators claim Python, 48, mixed for years in American high society and fooled countless people with concocted tales of his birth on the 12th Planet Nibiru and how he came to Earth on an interstellar Greyhound bus.

Ms McDork, 96, a senior partner in the London office of the debt restructuring consultancy firm McDork’s Car Boot Sales, told the court she met Python at a fantasy character fancy dress party in New York last summer. She came dressed as Barbie Doll - he as Ken the Super Stud.

Ms McDork said she believed his claims he was adopted by the Rockefeller family as a child after his spacecraft from Nibiru crashed on their upstate New York farm.

After a whirlwind romance lasting most of the evening they were married during a soup kitchen breakfast ceremony at the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in Harlem.

McDork described Python as “really quite charming" and admitted never questioning his stories, even when he used to stick the TV antenna cable up his rectum and claimed to be communicating with his Grand Thetan counsellor back on Nibiru.

She told the court "He was very enthusiastic about getting into my knickers and one hell of a rug muncher."

But she explained his attitude towards her changed during their honeymoon and he wanted to have a sexual ménage a trois with her and Snarly.

She claimed to have been "traumatised" and "hysterical" when she realised he had kidnapped Snarly and feared the pooch might be ritually sacrificed to one of her hubbie’s blood-thirsty Nibiruan gods .

The trial is scheduled to continue once the slobber-stained straight jackets are returned from the dry cleaners.

* Allergy warning : This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy.

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